the castles we build.

2009-10-17T16:32:00.002+08:00

it's been far too long. i didnt post for like a month. i've been busy with sch and tuition and other things. crazy how time flies. updates for the past month. prelims are over. i didnt do very well. but im studying hard gonna pull up my grades. i've turned 18. celebrated with diff people-family, chandni, shermaine, lovely, sec sch mates like asyraf, jazzy, jovi, yh, nigel. very joyous. i had a smashin 18th despite the exams coming. it was awesome fun. many pictures to remember it. yeh it was good.

sch's been tiring. long hours. dozens of tests. damn. so it was the last official day at sch ytd. it happened before when i was in sec sch. it was a similar feeling. leaving familiar faces and background to go explore and make new friends. so yes i graduated from college just ytd. it was quite sad cos i mean that would be the last time we all assembled in the mornings to sing the anthem, have serious tutorials and lessons tgt, break times at the canteen, morning gatherings at the same table and of course pe lesson! it was very sad. i mean leaving behind my friends and all :( i hated it when i forced to go to a jc. i hated it when i got posted to tp. i hated school so much. and now, i say the opposite. i actually like that school. it gave me two years of awesome memories. without the school, my life would definitely not be the same. it's unimaginable.

we had a farewell assembly. it wasn't spectacular or anything of that sort. but it surely was meaningful. i cant believe im saying it but im gonna miss that place really. yeh, and after school was spent with the class over high tea at raffles town country club. that place is so glamorous. ohmy. it's so niceeeeee. it was a wonderful with the class. and later they are coming over for dinner. and after this weekend, it's gonna be three weeks of isolation and non stop studying. very scary. i dont wanna regret anything when i get back my results next year. i need to know that i did my best. yeh. that's all. back to gatherings. later!

the party don't start till i walk in.

2009-09-19T21:20:00.005+08:00

hey ya'll. im finally back to type a proper post. prelims are freakin over! there's no way to describe how relieved i am. oh my. after weeks of the crazy studying and late nights and the tired eyes, it's over! i have the whole weekend to enjoy before i start studying once again for the a's. well, the weekend's already half over. since it's the birthday week, many plans:) mini shopping session on friday after exam with bell:) and in the evening, i went to catch the inglorious basterds. oh my goodness. the movie was gruesome and sick and disgusting with me going eeeeeeeeeee like half the show. it was so saddistic. dinner after that was good. and today, i got to see my missy. haha after such a long time:) and we were walking around bugis, continously bumping into my sec sch friends. not seen them in a long time. it was a short but fun time. im so tired. i havent had the chance to catch up with my sleep. even this morning, i woke up at 6freakin30. morning out to the botanical gardens with the familia. haha. and rexy of course! he was cute and excited i tell you. running around, wagging his tail. a pity i didnt take any photos! :( soon soon hopefully. and it was amazingly awesome to run in the rain. we were drenched after that. haha:) ive so much to say. but i shall stop here. otherwise, this gonna become another long long post. i cant wait for tmrrrrrrrr:D think i should get into bed soon:)

have a good weekend lovelies!

sweet escape..

2009-09-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

it's been a long long time. this new posting layout seems very unfamiliar. haha. it's already september. and not just any day in september but it's a day before my bday! hahaha. oh wow. how time flies. i was just watching everyone turning 18 one by one and have been waitin for my turn patiently. and it's here! so damn fast. haha. i can actually legally drive! oh my. that's awesome stuff. it's such a significant age. i'm excited. but the mood's a little dampened cos there's a damn exam tmr. sadly, prelims dont end tmr. ive got papers the whole freaking week! oh man:( and i only have a short short break of about a couple of days before sch starts on monday and the studying mode once again begins. i've got so many plans for the weekend already. i need to sort them all out. haha. im excited. so im just hoping the prelims end quickly so i can enjoy! :)

well, there's nothing much to write about. the days and weeks are long, dreadful and draining. haven't gone out much. haven't shopped in quite some time! soon i shall. yeh, i hate school. i hate weekdays. i used to love fridays. but now i think my saturdays seem better. there have been a few family gatherings. fun indeed. other than that, nothing else. just studying, studying and more studying. all my papers so far haven't been very good. somehow last year prelim papers of my school are all much easier than what i've sat for. sucks man. so tmr's math. and tuesday's econs. and wednesday is chem. thurs if math and chem again. finally, fri is my last paper of physics. sounds like a long week. hate mondays. hahaa. alrighty, off i go then. it's math mania. bye all:)

sugar sugar.

2009-08-31T01:40:00.002+08:00

im becoming inconsistent in typing a post. i've been way too busy studying and doin other stuff to even switch on my com. cos i know when i do, im gonna get hooked onto it. and i'll be WASTING time doing unnecessary and insignificant things. so i have actually unhooked my com from the wires and have put it aside. and after a long time, im actually here. i feel proud of myself. haha. so yeh, sch's been tough. prelims in like what, 3days!? oh gosh, i feel the stress. i wanna do well. and i havent finished studying. cos there's been way too much of sch stuff. with this being the last term, my homework and all stopped last friday. and only since then, have i been going proper studying. shit. ive got so much left. for all the subjects. im so screwed with my chem this friday. so i'll be home the next two days mugging my ass off. it's kinda like my new profession. pfffft. i hate exams. i hate sitting for them. i hate preparing for them.

so anyway, the past week has been insane torture. with crazy emotions. all the hurt and sadness and anger. oh my. i think it was by far, the worst week ever. it was already so hard the first day. and when the second day came by, i just broke down. like seriously. and tears been running every day since. i used to be so much stronger. wow. funny how just one thing affects me so damn much. so yah, sucky week. i despised it. the ten minutes of relief that i got each day was extremely pathetic. cos i felt greatly reduced. i dont like this. i dont like the feeling. and with exams the next few weeks, its gonna get tougher.

well, it was bro's birthday on friday. so we celebrated. nice having a birthday in the house. lightens the mood:) and since the time after school on friday spent dwelling in anger, i went to do my hair. my fringe actually. cos its gotten so damn curly, i can hardly manage it. so yeh, i went to straighten it and i changed the style of it. hahaa. im actually quite shy to go back to sch on wed;p

saturday was good. the mister redeemed himself. tuition. lunch. studying the entire afternoon away at the national library. good, productive stuff:) and i really enjoyed my saturday studying. and that is about it. i wanna keep typing and ranting about school. but i think i need to get some sleep now. im skipping sch tmr. heh. gdnt ya'll.

till the ends of the world.

2009-08-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

ok it's been quite a while. the last was during the national day weekend. and so quickly, two weeks just flew right by. nothing much been happening. just studying and studying and more studying. especially with the prelims just like a week away. im seriously freaking out. cos the number of topics i have crossed out on my checklist has been the same for a quite a while now. like few weeks. basically cos there's way too much of school work and revision sets and worksheets to get done that i havent had the time to do my own proper revision. it's quite scary cos ive got loads to cover. and just before i start my work tonight, i thought i'd just type out an update cos this site looks pretty darn quiet. my days are spent doing work at every spare time i have. other than short breaks. it's really taxing. long days till 6 and an hour of dinner break and back to school to study. each day. tiring much. really. that has been pretty much it. tests after tests. crazy stuff. it's getting extremely stressful. fridays have become hardly anything. i used to look forward to the end of the school week. but even that has been taken up. argh. so the only day i truly enjoy(just for a short while) is saturdays. after tuition lunch times:) ahaha. tuition has gotten a tad more tensed with feelings just at the edge waiting to explode. sigh. and not forgetting the emotional and edgy weekdays. it's getting quite hard to handle everything. i don't really feel like typing anymore. i've been a lazy girl today.haha. i should go now to do some work to gain some satisfaction. ahaha. we had class photo taking ytd. quite dumb. i mean the photographer just kept snapping at random times. we hardly stood in position for a min. tsk. nvm. i shall go now. bye all. have a good weekend!

love and sex and magic.

2009-08-09T10:07:00.001+08:00

hi all. i'm back after almost two weeks i think. well, there's nothing new. things arent any better. school's really tiring. i've been staying behind at school everyday to study at night.it's way better than studying at home. but that means extra long days. and so schedule's been so hectic, it's very taxing. i'm mentally and physically tired to do work and exercise when i get home. i havent run in ages! oh man. so that's school. with the massive pile of work for each subject to be done. which i already cant finish. how the hell to do my own revision? argh. prelims in like 3 weeks. im shit scared. fact is i have been doing my own revision. i've done abit. just a few chapters. i dont have time! which is really not good. so yeh. school's sucky. and the long dreadful days have had adverse effects on my emotions. i've become easily irritable. already with the bad temper i have, im more easily angered. at the slightest of things. really bad. and just my mood. me being moody sometime during the day has become slightly usual. i mean, i have to bear with more than 12 hours at school. about 14 hours u know. and school's not gonna close after prelims. this intensive revision programme's gonna keep going till late october when school officially closes.

yes, it's been an emotional week. especially since the policy came about. to pull ourselves apart and fully focus during school hours. it's bad enough there's hardly any time to spare and spend. it makes it worse when there's no contact at all. whole freaking day. and it gets hard to handle. and my mind wanders and i get angry. pffft. hahah. yeah, other than that, dinner times are going home times are the ones i really look forward to in the whole damn day. that has been it.

nothing much really. parents teacher meeting. results. chem teacher. all bad. it was one hell of a night(in other ways also;p) haha. and having tuition on saturdays has officially ruined my mood cos of an assjack. national day celebrations at school was dumb. year 1s got to celebrate. year 2s had lessons. wth. come on, it's a holiday weekend! shouldnt we all be celebrating. and they merged aces day and racial harmony with the celebrations. freaking dumb. but after that was good. going out after a really long time. caught a movie at ehub. the hangover. its quite funny. could have been better though. and the credits are crazy. like really R21 stuff. oh my. hahaha. i cant imagine my bro watchin that. oh God. lunchings. cookies. yummy. and not forgetting the murderously spicy chicken we had. hahaha damn funny.

my whole day ytd was burnt. tuition in the morning and all. well, im not complaining although it ruins my mood. i mean i get to see sugarrr. ahaha. family gathering in the evening till really late. it was really fun. the small cousin entertaining all of us. the talking. about crazy stuff. picture taking. it was extremely fun. time just flew right by. like what? 8hours? oh wow. and today has in store another round of gatherings. hahaha. so i better go now to make use of the time i have to finish up my homework. bye all. have a good national day holiday/weekend! :)

u know i like to touch.

2009-07-29T14:43:00.003+08:00

hi. i'm at home on the wednesday. thank goodness. if not, i'd have been in school dragging myself from one class to another. there's no school today cos of e learning. so we have all the lessons and assignments uploaded online. which we have to complete and submit before the day's over. and the whole point of e learning day is to test this system of the school when there's emergency and school gets shut down:) haha. but i dont freaking understand why there are bits and pieces of work that have to be printed out, completed and submitted to the teacher when i get back to school. it probably wont be marked. so why on earth is it called e learning(when everything should be submitted online) when i have to do some writing and hand up my work. and i dont understand why the hell the entire school has to be up before 8am to key in their temperature. i mean im at home. if i was sick, i wouldnt be spreading it to anyone since there's no school. so wth do u need my temperature for. it makes no sense. so yeah, they gave us a timetable to follow. dumb i tell u. sch starts at 9 on wednesdays. so why did this have to start at 8. argh.

anyway, it's been two days. of mental torture. ha but im grateful for the other incidences:)
alrighty, thats all i wanted to rant about. i have to go now. to do my math and physics and hopefully some chem before i go for tuition at night. bye all.

i miss my sugar.

2009-07-26T21:32:00.002+08:00

hi all. it's sunday night. well, another weekend that i always look forward to is almost over. the friday was spent quite differently. less quality time. haha. more studying time. but it wasnt all that bad. there was the shoe craze that day. hahaha so nice to hear and see all of it. the saturday was alright. quite good. tuition. lunch. and best friend time at bugis. haha. and thats all for the fun parts of the weekend. i was home the rest of the time. either trying to stay awake and get some work done or busy on the com/ sitting in front of the tv. haha. at least, i used my time today better than i used it ytd. did quite abit of work. but for all the time i spent home today, i could have completed much more if not for the distractions(like the com, the junk food, the tv) and the temptations of walking around the house every 15-20mins and taking unnecessary breaks every now and then. i could have seriously done so much more. but all i managed to do thus far, is 2chapters. one of physics and one of chem. and its almost 10pm already. how much more can i do. damn.

anyway, a monstrous week at school is starting. with the new crazy timetable that runs all the way till 6o'clock. and stretches into night study till 9pm that i actually dont have to go for. but tues/thurs here i come. but as much as i dread the start of this whole new schedule that awaits me at school tmr, it's actually quite a short week. long days, yes. but aint a full school week. with wednesday being e learning day. which means no school! and there goes the midweek wednesday. after which, there is only thursday and friday to get through. and of course, not forgetting how my fridays are gonna suck with econs taking up the afternoon from now. and meet the parents on friday night is starting to make me nervous. cos those are the times when parents start to lecture and advice me. and seeing the not good results would scare me. and then, i'd start feeling the pressure(not like i havent already been feeling it. i have). so it's a short week. next week as well. with national day celebrations on the friday. and the monday the followin being a holiday cuts that week down as well. so yeh, not so bad. i just need to really really focus. cos prelims aint that far away. oh my. i just realize that all my posts from the time i stepped into jc, has had my studies in it. sigh. hahaa. it's ok. it'll all be done with in a few months. i cant wait. haha

and so there's this freaky thing that has been happening. and to know that someone big(dominant) is starting to know and figure things out, is very scary! it wasnt at all expected. it came all of a sudden! and it shocked me when i heard about it. and its even more pressurizing, cos i feel the heat to impress and to prove myself worthy. but it's a heartwarming thing. sort of. to know that nothing bad has happened out of all this. in fact, that too has stunned me. so it's all gonna be good. now, i believe. ok i dunno if im making sense. hahaa. balderdash;p

and it's time to go. to do some math. and make what i have left of this night somewhat productive.

have a good week! :)

it's been more than amazing.

2009-07-23T23:09:00.002+08:00

im just here to type out a short post before i go off to do some physics/chem. im still deciding which to do. haha. the latest math topics have been quite hard. i can't seem to do like half of the tutorials. damn. school's been tiring as usual. and is bound to get way more hectic(like never before) once next week starts. cos all i will have left to the prelims is like 5-6weeks. shit. and ive got the entire syllabus to cover. and i havent got started cos to put it simply, all my time is taken up for homework and what not. i havent had the time to sit down and revise topics. which i ought to be doing. im getting really scared and nervous when i think of the short time i have left till the prelims and not forgetting the a levels. but i have so many topics to master. not just learn.

so anyway, school ended early today. cos of the second language listening comprehensions. haha! school ending early is something wow. haha. short and small meal after that. and back home. i knocked out! and slept till it was tuition time. shoooot. and i was late. very late. so i just missed it. ive just been so tired. especially after ytd. long day at school. and long night with family at the airport. dear dear bro sanjeev flew off! ;( it was really sad to see him(the closest member of the family) walk through the gates, knowing i wont be able to see him till the end of next year. he's been so helpful and encouraging. and he's always there to talk to me and prep me up. he brings me out, drives me around, buys me things. comes to visit. everything he does! how im gonna miss him. sigh. it's alright. all part and parcel of life. maybe one day, it might be my turn to bid goodbye to all whom i love and go off. haha. tmr's friday! yessssa! the week is almost over. and the weekend is here once again. wheeee. i like:)

ok im going. i need to bring sexy shoes to school tmr. bye all. TGIF!

tonight's gonna be a good night.

2009-07-19T20:04:00.002+08:00

the past week has been insanely trying. school's been crazy with the amount of extra classes and lectures late in the evenings and also the pile of homework being set daily is enough to kill me. ok not kill. just collapse into bed the moment i get home. but that can't be the case. cos it's been a nightly routine to eat, and study(do homework) till perhaps 1+ in the morning and then comes the time to hit the bed. however, i've been falling asleep while doing work.

it's been quite some hard time. with the focus in school and on studies. meaning much less time spent doing nice, relaxing things that always make my day. even if it means, a simple bus ride. all's gone now. the phone calls during the weekdays that always encourage and keep me going. i'm still trying to get used to this whole new lifestyle. in fact, i'm actually very determined to be focussed and adapt to this whole new thing and do the best i can for the a's. and after that, it'll be the best time ever. i dont wanna be put to shame next year right. so yeh, im kinda willing to get through this next what, 4 months? in whichever way that hits me. i will adapt and i will study hard and give it my best. i just need to put aside the emo monster in me. haha. and understand that everything happens for a reason. and this, for the toughest exams of our lives. and i just need to trust and believe that i'll be rewarded with what i always crave for after the end of all the papers. the week has shown that it's kinda hard to keep apart and just study. i mean, it's just the weekdays. 5 out of 7days that are really tough. but the week has gone to show that there needs to be time for letting loose and relaxing and talking to one another.

so anyway, i got to see my missy missy on tuesday. although it was a short time, it was nice meeting her and talking to her. haha. weekdays are mean. but slowly, time changes it. been spendin quite lot more of time with the class and all. it's been good. after all, most of us are beginning or already started studying. i am yet to. in fact, im gonna start tmr. no, maybe today. start off with the homework i have to do. i'm just wondering how to manage my time. cos i take ages to get home. and by doing my homework for the day, i havent got any more time for revision. sucks. and here's the deal. school has been tough. but next week is gonna be as tough as it can get. with the new timetable in store to kill us. the morning 8 to 1 lessons. and afternoon 130 to 6pm extra classes and lectures and remedial programmes. and thats not it, the intensive night revision classes from 7 to 9pm. crazy shit. i dunno how im gonna survive. cos im gonna be so damn exhausted and be crying for sleep halfway through the day. it's gonna be all the way till the exams. like what, 4 freaking months. and my only consolation from all this intensive studying is gonna be the weekends and my birthday which is in like two months. dammit. i'm actually kinda worried as to how im gonna cope. school's gonna kill me. sigh.

anyway, friday was good. caught harry potter with the sugarrr. hahaha. at marina square. the movie was ok. but the book was definitely way way better. basically cos they changed so many parts! about harry and giny. giny and dean. ron and hermoine. how harry pesters and tries to communicate with slughorn. and about all those memories harry went through in the pensive. they showed like only one or two. but there were like dozens in the book! not only slughorn's but many of dumbledore's memories as well. about tom riddle's mother. and family. and his ability to talk to snakes. and about the order of the phoenix that will be roped in to fight death eaters under the astronomy tower before dumbledore dies. how harry stalks malfoy around. and even gets into the room of requirement and fiddles with the vanishing cabinet. and not forgettin dumbledore's funeral! haha so many things they changed. even the series of certain events. like the quidditch matches. other than the movie, the time at bnj was totally awesome. i loved the friday so much. i laughed it away:) hahaha

saturday wasn't so bad. tuition. meeting pretiv for a really short while for his birthday. he was with his friends. didnt quite know them. at east coast park. and yeh, i could only stay for a while. so we went bowling. haha. fun:) tuition was bad. and pissed the shit out of me cos of an jackass of an idiot who is so damn saddistic. and just makes me wanna smash something so hard. argh.

today was fine. family gathering. lunch at some restaurant. it was quite good. and fun. thereafter, dear bro drove me to city hall where i met the sexys. haha. university fair with them. i got so many freaking brochures! and its so damn tempting cos it makes me wanna go overseas next year and study. but i dont really feel like leaving this country cos everyone is right here! so yeh. and after the fair, it was swensens ice cream at marina sq and walking around and window shopping at poa. really nice stuff :) so that;s been the week.

and tmr starts another dreadful week at school. with the monday itself ending at 630 or so. extra class and remedial on tuesday. and wednesday's gonna be a long day at school cos i gotta stay behind till its time to go to the airport to send sanjeev off:( he's leaving in like 3days! damn sad. and thursday's gonna be tuition day, at night. and friday, gotta stay behind at school for some stuff. and probably meet the parents at night. dammit. long long week ahead. so off i go now, to get done an insane amount of gp. while nibbling on some bits of chocolate chip cookie dough. hahah. night ya'll!

you are my weakness.

2009-07-12T23:15:00.003+08:00

hello. im back after a week. its a freaking sunday night. means a few more hours to a new dreadful week of school. damn. monday blues sure to hit me. im seriously starting to hate school. of course, there are the good parts of seeing friends. but things are hell different since the start of the term when the need to stay really focussed had been discussed. especially so in school. and so things have been different. regarding breaks and after school free time and perhaps, even going home. which is probably bound to change soon. the past week was so tough to get through. it was hell. it was killing me slowly. i couldnt bear with it. couldnt handle such sudden and drastic changes. it left me mostly in a bad mood throughout the 3-4days. when my emotions took over me. and were hard to control. i hardly survived i. but thank goodness, decisions kept changing. and things got better and got less strict.

the friday and weekend were definitely the best. full of outings and gatherings. good break from a crazy week at school. friday lunchings with the love at BK. haha. and walking ard aimlessly at the basement before that. and the sweet treats at famous amos! yummy! friday evening was spent with the amazing sec sch friends. small group though. met at bishan. bought a feast of kfc, pizza. and off we went to bishan park to have a picnic. it was bloody deserted and eerie looking. sheeeesh. haha but damn fun. of course they were teasing bout the same old anaconda. sick. hahaha. but other than that, it was all good. hearing stories of their work experiences.

saturday was really awesome too. tuition with sugar. lunch also. and dear bro sanjeev came to bugis to meet me. and i had lunch again with him! omg! lunch twice! crazy. and the day was full of driving and shopping. first to clarke quay. to get a camera. met his bro. we all went to vivo. shopped and shopped and shopped. and dinner at carls jr. and abit more of shopping and came back. wow, damn tiring day. it was full of fun though. and of course, the late late night/ early morning got kinda serious with talks that i never imagined i would have. well, ive been put in such a position now that i dunno wad to do. first things changed for the exams. and now it seems like things need to change again for the future. for things to be better and all after the exams. looking at it short term, its about next year. and next year is flying towards us. and i guess this whole thing is about assuring. i have to take time to reflect and think through deeply. sigh. i dont really feel like saying it out in detail.

anyway, today was not bad. tuition and again a mini shopping session. the weekend has indeed put me in much better spirits. i feel so much happier and better. but the whole issue is gonna come crushing in again in due time. in fact, in a few hours. im dreading school. really am. gonna be another hell of a tough week. with math test tmr till late. and econs star the next day. and tuitions on wed and thurs. sucks big time. i need to find time to start studying and revsising again. and to stop dwelling in misery during the week. all i look forward to is friday. cos its consolation knowing that the end of school week is gonna be much better than the crazy weekdays. and with harry potter being released, friday shall be a great day to catch the movie. cant wait!

i gotta go pack my school bag for freaking tmr. actually, today. its past midnight.

gdnt ya'll.

the best of us finds happiness in misery.

2009-07-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

im posting again. wow. surprising right. i just have so much on my mind to let out. just doubts and qns and feelings. cos i really dunno how im gonna get through the next 12 weeks. and i have to take it slow. i need to plan my time. and keep myself occupied. and in this period of time, all i ever look forward to is the weekends. this aint gonna die. the flame's still gonna be burning. just not that strong. it'll be repressed but for the best. time will make things better i hope. and at the end of the race, everything is gonna come back to me. and during these next few months i foresee that there'll be many misunderstandings and tension and just negative emotions plaguing us. but i cant let those get throught to me. i cannot. cos then wad i live for, i'd lose. i need to be optimistic. i need to believe and trust. i cnt let ppl trick me. i need to understand that im not going through this alone. there's someone else out there who's feeling the exact same way and may even be judged for his actions. i just have to bear with it. i need to be strong and fight. i need to patient and need to learn to control my temper. then at least, things will be a tad better. i cannot let ppl take this chance and screw things. the foundation i've built kicks in right here.

she says : i know it sucks and this period is one of the darkest in your life. but time does not stay stagnant. it moves and u move along with it. u have to think of the priorities now. it's going to be a difficult time for u. but once its over, ure going to enjoy. and u will be so occupied with studies and that will help the distactions. ure a strong girl. u have to survive this tough period. it is time to look into yourself and test ure strength and will power. sturggle now so u wont face shame later in life.

wow so true.

thank you.

2009-07-06T20:01:00.003+08:00

the day has been very trying. like an extreme roller coaster ride. the midnight kicked in with hours of a phone call. filled mainly with just tears, hurt, sadness, fear, anger and shouting and fighting. it was bad. real bad. i never had been that angry with a loved one. and the whole issue got blown out of proportion. as mentioned, i was brutally honest. and the guilt i felt just cut me. the night ended late. the morning started late. and the afternoon that followed was heavenly, sincere, fun, amazing and it just felt pure since there was aplenty love. it was all smiles even when the movie was playing. but as the afternoon drew to an end, emotions ran high. even the quite short walk down to a further bus stop led to floods. cos basically, we all knew that the time has come. term 3 has come. the mid years just ended, yes. but that doesnt mean its time to enjoy. there were 5days to play and keep the books aside and relax and have fun. but the major major exam is yet to come. it awaits us all in just a few months. it's the biggest exam of our lives and it should be done to the best of one's ability. i dont wish to jeopardize for anything. cos its my future. and i dont want to be blamed or be the one to blame when i dont get wad i need/want from the exams. i dont want to live life with regrets. not one. and so i understand that all this is happening for the best. but it's simply depressing and crushing cos i cant imagine life without wad is actually life to me. the 5days have sped by. just a few hours left before school starts again and the hectic schedule and workload all kicks in. school is gonna be very different. no more usual breaks. no more bus rides home. no more short outings or lunch on fridays. nothing. it all gonna go. till the end of exams. i cant do this. but i havent got a choice. school's gonna be a chore. it's gonna be hard. it's gonna be hell when im gonna be deprived of the one thing i need most in life. and not just in school, during non-school times as well. no more outings and all. it'll be just be down to me and my best friend and old mates who always will be there. and not forgetting the cousins. no one else. i have to try and handle and cope with this no matter how much it angers and saddens me. it'll definitely kill me slowly. but to me, ive always been the strong person. and i am not gonna let this affect me so badly that i cant achieve wad i want. i will work hard. and look forward to the rare moments where my thirst for my life will be quenched. it's really hard to go from everything to almost zero. but then again, if there's a will, there's a way. but right now, im not so sure i got the will. i just need to have incredible self control/perseverance the next 10-12 weeks. i have to take this one step at a time. and first, i gotta get through this long and painful term. i have to. and i'll be rewarded. just give me strength. it's killing me slowly. it will knock me down.

term 3 has come. i never wanted this moment to arrive but it has. its the most difficult thing to take a break from our rship. just trust me and believe me. i love you. and i'll miss you. strength and forwardness is the key.

just get back up.

2009-07-05T21:05:00.002+08:00

this weekend has been so f-ing screwed. full of emotions. im talking about myself. and emotions, just a few. anger, sadness, hurt, disappointment and definitely more ANGER! i don't think i've gotten this angry with a friend before. and definitely, not this long. since it's been more than 12 hours. actually thinking carefully, i aint surprised of the whole incident/event that pissed the shit out of me. cos somehow, i think i should have gotten used to it by now. the constant disappointment i always face. and the anger and sadness that follows. but thing is, it keeps happening. after it has been resolved once with the dozens of apologies and sweet words, everything is back to normal. and we all keep our guards up and behave in such a way not to do something that angers the other. but after some time, it fades away. and it happens. the cycle repeats. and me at the receiving end cant do anything about it. the only way to resolve these sort of issues is just to simply accept the apology and try to get over it. and i do that successfully everytime no matter how much my body or mind opposes it. but just not today. cos i hate being disappointed. i freaking hate it when the closest friends dont keep to their words or do something to show their lack of care which might not be the case but that is what is on my mind. im shit pissed. and just once, i dont think im gonna cave in anytime soon. even with the apologies given so far, i dont think im going to be emotional and weak to accept and move on. i wont. today is my day to drive home the point. my feelings actually. to let out everything that has been locked up in me all these while. and so i have. and with that, i have hurt feelings. but i live with no regrets. cos im sick of this shit. and i aint gonna stand anymore of it. this is it. it's war.

2009-07-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

hi. i've lost the feel of coming to post here. that's why i've been missing for quite some time.but here i am now. so starting with last week, the week was spent studying. for the stupid exams. friday was freaking awesome. cos i studied. and had fun at the same time. and not forgetting, the stress relieving sessions. hahaha and recalling how late i was for the family gathering! other than that, the past week kinda just flew by. with everyone busy burning the midnight oil to get done studying the dozens of chapters.and i must say, the exams sucked. big time. they were so tough. and right now, i dont have much confidence in passing. i actually wanted better grades. i wanted improvement. but looking at the way the exams were, i highly doubt it. so the exams ended on thursday with physics, it being the worst paper among the rest! oh gosh.

but the short post exam period we all have till tuesday is actually going pretty fabulously. the rest of the thursday was spent at home with the lovely friend(s). doing usual stuff. watching movie. eating junk food. playing. fighting. and oh my, the least expected happened. all my scripts from debating and speaking i had done in secondary school were dug out. i've no idea how they were found. cos i hid them. hahah. so my little secret is out. it was hilarious reading through and reciting them. and family gathering in the night over dinner! nice :)

and friday was indeed the best! spent the whole day out at vivo.the day started off with a slight bit of glumness. the mood changed soon after. caught transformers. quite nice. it was quite long. and there was so much of fighting. haha. and there were many of the transformers that i couldn't really differentiate them. it was good though, the movie. somehow, i preffered the first part. and wow, an amazingly crazy amount of people actually watched the show for megan fox. haha. and there was the awesome shopping with the paramour:) it was so bloody fun i swear. walking into all my favourite shops. haha and trying on clothes:) but at the same time, embarassing. the day ended with dinner and ben n jerry's. yummy. wad a wonderful friday it was.

and today was yet another day of drama. not so. but i dunno how else to describe it. bloody pissing off. i cnt stand flirts. especially bitchy ones. im so mad, i can definitely smash something right now. and it has surely had an effect on my mood. and the sadness that has hit me. i cannot believe it. and thinking about the day just makes my blood boil. and not forgetting, the stupid small actions towards me got me thinking. it usually wouldnt have meant anything. but it did today. pissed the hell outta me. and to think, this is gonna be happening on a regular basis is just piercing. i am so reassured. but there are just a million of dumb thoughts running through my mind right now. ok maybe not so dumb. more of questions. quite sensible actually. out of curiousty, i wanna know. i wanna ask. i need the qns answered but it's surely to bring about more tension. so i guess i just gotta try ignore it. sigh. argghh. the work of devil.

so the past couple of days were heavenly. and i've got another two more to look forward to. and everything possibly sweet will vanish and the evil will kick in. but i think i've got quite a fun and promising two days awaiting me:) can't wait. haha.

and as i am recalling all these events, i remember the death of music and dance legend mj. it's quite sad that he passed away. i was extremely shocked when i heard the news when i woke up that morning. i always liked him. there were so many controversial issues he was involved in. and scandals and stories. but i never really believed in them cos the life of all these huge celebrities revolve around constant slamming by the press and media. he had so much negative media. but i always saw him as the nice guy. the friendly, the loving, the caring soul. the way he cared for and loved his family and fans. the good he had done to charities. the fact that he made the world dance. and inspired many with his crazily slick and impressive dance moves. produced some of the greatest hits and all. and the fact, he died at quite a young age. not the norm. it's just sad. and to think he went through rehearsals and was on his way to make a great comback but left before he showed himself to the world again is really sad. i feel for him. he went through so much sadness in his life, even the last few days :(

and this reminds me how short life is. how short it is to spend it unhappily and not with loved ones. we all dont live forever. and there will be/are many troubles that will be thrown in our directions. but we have to brace ourselves, stand strong, fight it and just be happy and live with no regrets. as hard as it may sound, it's all in the will of the mind.

gotta go now. to clean my room. or continue harry potter. haha. bye.

you're the perfect lullaby.

2009-06-25T13:24:00.002+08:00

the past week hasn't been all that interesting. just the usual attempts in trying to get up early and staying up late. and trying to study the days away productively and smartly. my eyes are getting tired. all i wanna do during these last few days of the holidays is just to sleep and sleep and sleep. which i would, if not for the stupid exams and with school starting next week. cos sadly, it was announced our holidays wouldnt be extended even with the flu threatening to attack and spread like wildfire around the school when it reopens. instead, there are just many protective measures in place! what hpnd to caring for our health! pffft. haha. anyway, the decision seems to be firm and confirmed. however, the final final final decision comes out on sunday(apparently) when all the travel declarations have been submitted and gone through by the ministry and at the situation at that instance. i do want an extra week or two to finish fully studying properly. at least then i'd have more confidence in sitting for the papers. or so i think. but at the same time, i dont want the extension. i wanna return to school, to see all my friends that i havent been seeing much or havent at all seen during this month of june. plus, with the reopening, my exams would end in exactly a week's time. and i really look forward to the end of mid years to be able to go shop, to catch movies, to meet up with friends and simply, just enjoy the mini post exam period. and with the idea of all that being just a week away, gives me added motivation to study my ass off this next week. in this way, i dont want the extension cos then i'd have to drag myself through till the end of exams(whenever that is). haha.

there's just been a few fun things/events tis past week. includes the night out at marina barrage with the bestfriend. and i saw her perform! yay! awesomeeeee:) and fathers day was screwed. but the short happy time at the botanical gardens over breakfast was nice. and monday was easily the best time. shopping with sugar after tuition. so freaking fun i swear. browsing through all the shop collections and tryin on stuff haha. and not forgetting the skilful, slightly embarassing bits at the deparmental store. hahahaha. freaking hilarious! awww. and tuesday was annoying when i went for my appointment. dozens of temperature screenings and declarations that had to be signed and filled up. pffft. gosh. nevertheless, it's all in the good cause of prevention!:) and a short two hours was spent with dini at bugis ytd, shopping. short time, yes. but meeting her never fails to make my day better! so yeah. it was all good. and tuition just totally burnt my brains doing pnc. screw that damn chapter. thats all for the week so far. typing it out all at once kinda makes it feel like i've been going out alot. maybe true. and so, i need to glue my ass to my chair and just drown myself in words, notes and books.

im in such a bad mood today. for many reasons. that seems to keep surfacing ever so frequently. im angry, and sad and upset. there are just so many things on my mind. and every action gives a different idea/meaning. im so confused. but im pushing it all out. but the same things keep happening. and i've been turning a blind eye to it. but it keeps repeating. over and over. and sometimes, i cnt just help wondering why. i dunno wad to do. i don't know how to express myself without being rude. all i am right now, is just utterly disappointed. in this moody periods, i just feel like sitting and reflecting. i just want all the questions that i have to be answered. sigh. and when im telling myself its ok, nvm, forget about it. deep down, i just expect one thing. but im not getting it. argh

so anyway, yes, i'll be missing for a while. probably. takecare!

you're out of this world.

2009-06-18T14:51:00.002+08:00

hello. it's a damn thursday. the holidays are flying by and before u know it, we're all back at school, busy with whatever. pffft. i do want the holidays to end so that i'd be able to see friends more regularly(daily) as compared to the very few meetings this hols. but at the same time, i dont want school to kick off with a week of exams and then the busyness of school itself hits us all thereafter.

the past few days have mean and depressing. i could hardly do anything proper. eat, sleep, study, nothing! i hate hate HATE this whole damn thing going on right now. cos somehow, i am doubtful. and as this week passes, the doubts have been increasing. maybe not exactly doubts. but questions. questions to many things. the answers i fear. the actions that speak are killing me. crazy imaginations. oh goodness. and this, i so very well predicted. cos i damn well can't handle it. at all. but somehow, the point isn't getting across. cos maybe this doesnt seem too big an issue to care so much about. but it is to me. to my feelings. sigh.

anyway i must say i had great fun on the tuesday. gatherings:) with the secondary school mates. they all look mostly the same except for a few. nice seeing them all after so long. and the fact, they're pretty much the same deep down, making fun, cracking stupid jokes, disturbing one another and also still having the caring nature in tact just had to make my day. the long bus ride, the walking to ecp, the time spent at east coast, taking pictures with the usual gang of them, talking, catching up, teasing, playing, trying to pull off a surprise for the then(soon-to-be) birthday girl, interaction with the teachers who popped up and sabotaging and daring one another. it was awesome fun. really. i had such an enjoyable time with them. but sadly, i had to leave before the party/bbq was properly getting started. off i went to changi village for dinner with the family. and the post dinner spent at dempsey hill pigging into b&j orgasmic ice cream:) yummy. haha. so that was the fun filled tuesday i had. and another coming up tonight. and probably tmr. and saturday night. can't wait.

i have to make up for all the time im gonna lose. so im gonna run away now, gonna try bury myself into my notes and block out everything else that seems to be squeezing its way into my mind. try i shall. cousin bonding before that.

goodbye.

wish u could feel my pain.

2009-06-15T19:54:00.003+08:00

the next few days are a gonna be such a drag! :(

with my mind playing dirty games with me.

thank goodness for all the gatherings and outings and company i'll be enjoying.

and not forgetting the amazingly sweet words.

i'm going to occupy myself. gonna bury myself deep into the notes and the books.

sheesh, i don't like this at all.

how do you sleep?

2009-06-14T15:27:00.002+08:00

i'm backkkk after almost two weeks. there's been so many things to write about. so that's why i've not come here. lazy to type out my usual essays. i need to cut down the length of my posts and then maybe i'll be more regular. also, i realized i havent uploaded any images here in donkey ages. but not today. cos it'll take a long long time and the post will be image heavy. soon perhaps. when i've got more time to do it.

let's see. firstly, there's been quite a significant change in the way i lead my daily life, in the way things have been acting around and shaping up. it came to me as a shock at the beginning. and put me in depression and in crazy moods. probably i still do feel the same. but i must say im handling it better than expected. im actually getting used to it. or so i'd like to think. maybe not. maybe im just getting good at hiding my feelings. haha. but whatever it is, im not complaining. at least, it isn't completely destroyed:) haha.

so yes, panorama is long over. i had quite a good time that day except for the emotions. haha. but other than that, the day was kinda awesome. and also dumb with the losing one another in this tiny hometown of mine. haha. and missing the train stop cos of the deep conversations. haha. and the night at esplanande was nice. i saw my friends perform! and as sad as it may sound, it was actually my first time inside the concert hall. and it was indeed impressive and beautiful. i like:) haha. and after panorama was spent at the amazing chocolatier where i was treated to crazy amounts of rich and delicious chocolates.yummy.

so the dear best friend and cousins have been giving me more visits. and it sure does feel more comforting. feels way better with their company. if not, for which i wonder what i'd be doing in my room allowing my mind to wander. and a saturday spent out celebrating with shelveen her birthday. first time we actually went out after such a long time. it was fun. lunchings. talking. movie. snapping pictures away. and the class gathering was also good. it was hot! we were burning and sweat was dripping from all our faces. haha. the aircon was not cool at all. steamboat dinner. the boiling water. and they happened to play transformers on tv. so we were all sitting around watching tv, playing cards, talking crap and again, the photo taking. haha.

the holidays are burnt trying to study for the damn exams. without school and having to travel back from the east, i save alot of time. but i cant just sit still in my room and study. cos i need to constantly move around. i cant sit one place for long. and home's so distracting with the computer. like now. exactly what im doing. and with the house always infested with other beings. and noise from the tv and people talking and laughing. pffft. and i've been thinking of going out somewhere to get work done. but im bad at handling noise. and the libraries will probably be packed since its the hols and students and kiddos and parents flying there to borrow n read books.

and the week at school flew by. lessons at school were insanely dumb. nothing much. with useless breaks in between and physics tests that were tough. chem lessons that i missed. and boring math lectures. tuesday and thursday had to be the best. window shopping at tamp1 on thursday and lunch and ice cream:) so ive been home the rest of the time, the weekend. short family outing to town on friday night was a good break from all that staring at books and notes. im sick and tired of staying home and trying to get up in the mornings to study. pffft. why on earth do we even have exams.

and this month of june is full of birthdays and a handful of gatherings. im gonna go bankruptttt:( anyway, tuesday's a day to look forward to. sec school friends gathering. class gathering at sentosa. and momma's birthday celebration. i need to save money. i've got a long list of things i sooooo wanna get! starting with the clothes. and the shoes. and i want a camera. i want nicer shots. haha. and cos im tired of taking pictures with my phone and the storage is so screwed up. and makes my phone so damn slow.

for now, i can't wait for tomorrow to come. mini retail therapy session. and more to come the following week and after the exams. i cant waitttttt. hahaha. alright. im outta here. gonna force myself to get back to the work(it's a sunday!:( ) eqm here i comeeeeee.

have a good week ya'll!

he wants to touch me.

2009-06-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

helloooo. my fingers have lost the ichiness to come type here. so maybe that's why i've been missing on msn. i've been trying to keep myself occupied with more useful, more productive and more entertaining means. ha so school has officially closed for a month. awesome aint it. however, the holidays dont actually seem like holidays. school whole of next week. and in between lessons. tuition classes. and the cruel exams awaiting the return of us students the very first day school reopens. pfft. well, the past few days weren't fully utilized. but at least, i still did abit of studying these couple of days:)

so the last week of school kinda sucked. but of course, there were nice moments in between. friday was by far the best day. amazingly fun day. lunch and movie. and mini shopping adventure with the superhuman:) who got me dickieeeeeees. haha. awww so sweet. and a short gathering with some of the sec school mates. so many had left their school by the time i reached. but still got to see others:) nice meeting them after so freaking long. the shit funny things they did. haha. i got a small tour around one part of the campus. especially eerie looking at night. haha. plus, i met new people and made quite a few new friends. and my dear cousin gave me a shock by turning up there. although, i was caught in a few awkward situations, hah i'll try to find time to go back one day, like i promised.

the week had its fair share of crushing, depressing and shocking events and moments. when emotions ran crazy wild. sheeesh. scary. i dont wanna go back there. but its bound to happen again. like in a day probably. man, i so need to see my best friend! i need her to talk to me and work her magic. hahaha. sounds so wrong. but her words are so assuring sometimes that i can't not believe in them:) so the one thing i dread so much is seriously catching up on me. it's killing me. and sometimes, i cant help but to think that time management is the secret key to a whole different outcome. as easy as it may seem to tell and drill into someone that managing time is what needs to be done, it isn't all that easy to be at the receiving end and trying to plan out time effectively and properly. and for that i understand. but it is indeed true. it's all about managing time well. and it's funny how the effort is only being made one side. or so it seems.

anyway, the weekend was refreshing. i finally did something to my hair. i can do so many hairstyles now. haha. and im pretty sure i'll have to do something to it again in due time. it's insanely curlyyyy. haha. plus the two days were mostly dedicated to the closest beings. ha. especially sunday. an afternoon out to city hall:) and family gathering at night at clarke quay. i seriously the scene there. everytime i go there, no matter how many times i've already been there, it's so calm and wonderful. and roaming around there at night taking pictures was fun. hahaha.

and tmr is a another day to look forward to:) can't wait. plus there's the concert at night. wheee. off i go now. time to play with rexy sexy. haha. byeeeeeee.

my only weakness is you.

2009-05-24T17:20:00.001+08:00

ok i'm becoming very irregular at coming here to post. ive been incredibly lazy to come type my thoughts here. well, the past couple of weeks have been extremely frustrating. but it's all getting better now. it already has gotten better actually. i've become weirder than usual. talkin less. more moody. cos basically, there have been upsetting things and issues going on. and just as i was enjoying my weekend with loved ones, something just has to hit again. it's so annoying. but looking at it, it was bound to come anytime soon anyway. gosh. my mind is so bloody infested with thoughts now, i dunno wad to do.

so the week was kinda short with sucky sports day on wednesday. totally useless. sec sch ones were way more exciting cos every single event would have been held on the day itself. and not just the finals of 100m races and mini competitions. pffft. the mood was pretty bad on that day. actually, the mood was terrible the whole damn week. so after sports day was lunchings at airport and short sick movie clips at moosey's house. hahah! damn funny. thursday was dumb and insulting. crazy stuff. i've gotten so tired of having so many disagreements and arguements with closest friends. sickening.

anyway, the better parts of the week included more of msn love. hahaha. hilarious. and tronky that suddenly reappeared. it's so expensive now. aiyo. and friday was bang! awesome! lunch. movie. and milkshakes. yummmy! and not forgetting the debate, the battle of the sexes. hahaha. saturday was packed with things on. tuition. lunch. dozens of long and fun phone calls. which made the mood abit bitter for a while. after so much of truth and dirty little secrets were revealed. sheeeesh. shocked me big time. but the rest of the day was made up for. amazing family gathering at night. haha. with the bar and the drinks and the bbq and food and dancing and socializing and sabotages.blah blah. it totally was a saturday night blast. i had freakin loads of fun. the family is so incredible that never does one gathering fail to make u laugh and smile. but couldnt go to bestfriend's house though. would have loved to. since she was giving a much anticipated performance. haha.

well weirdly, friends whom i have not spoken to in a long time have started to create small talks again. it's nice in a way. but at the same time, the awkwardness is still there. things are not clearing up. however, u know the care and concern and all are still there. not bad. haha.

anyway, it's the last week at school. and then, there is a month long break to study intensely for the mid years. mugger mode will take over. haha. and it's the last week for a few other things. like the promotion going on at the flyer. which i was supposed to ride on last week. haha. and it's the last week to collect my papers. and pay up the tickets. arghh.

there's so much going on in my mind right now. i've been avoiding and delaying talks about some stuff. i've been praying for things to change. i've kept running away. and the one thing i dreaded the most is being swung towards me at full speed. i haven't got much time left to prepare myself to get knocked down. sigh. i am so not ready. i dont want it to come. i want time to pass as slowly as possible right now. but it's not going to. it's gonna fly by. and before i know it, it's time to face it. aww man. time to brace up for disaster.

off i go. for some ice cream therapy.
bye.

just get back up when it knocks you down.

2009-05-17T22:50:00.002+08:00

im backkk! i've been pretty occupied so the usage of the com has gone down. last weekend was kinda long but wasn't very fun. i stayed home half the time. and the rest, out with dini dini dini and family gathering at home over lunch and dinner. almost everyone had missed their usual monday routines. haha. damn fun. well, the short week at school felt painfully long with the many tests during and after school hours and piles of work that had to be completed. most of the time, i was in a bad and irritated and angry mood for a few reasons. wednesday was weird and strange in its own way. gosh, i felt like a freaking baby. haha. i cannot believe wth i did. pffft. thursday was fine. and friday was the best. the awfully tiring week was over. haha. caught angels and demons. nice movie. quite long. the cinema was freezing cold! aiyo. hah anyway, the movie was quite different from the book. parts were changed. i feel the book is way better. and carls jr's milkshake was like the bottle of sex after that. yummmy. the saturday was rather weird and exhausting but nice:) following that, the weekend has been mean and annoying. sigh. ok that's it. im no mood to type any further. bye.

i bring the fire, make u come alive.

2009-05-08T23:27:00.002+08:00

i've been pretty occupied this past week and more. thus, the absence. let's see. last week was relatively short. missed school once. met the bestfriend. went for a short shopping session at queensway. and i saw this pair of shoes from converse that i like. so niceeeeeee. haha. and the weekend was fun fun fun! the usual family gatherings. bonding sessions at east coast over drinks and meals and milkshakes at carl's jr. weekend nights can get kinda sneaky. haha and there was birthday celebration, a feast and more bonding:) daily debates that take place on the way to school have gotten a tad more interesting. haha.

the past couple of weeks have been sort of irritating. and this week very well was. not all the time. just at few(many) instances. haha. with the rain, which i love, pouring only when it's time to get up and drag my freaking ass to school. with the messy assembly arrangements. with useless temperature taking and dumb rulings of social distancing. haha. school started late on wednesday. yay. let me sleep a teensy weensy bit longer. allowed me to have breakfast! had napfa 2.4 run. which i ran well i'd think. but sadly, the knee started hurting and the mood turned bitter with the pain .plus, the knee guard had been left behind at home. the mood just got worse and worse. the brain wasn't working. i was in a daze. and at the very last minute, i skipped the trip to marina barrage. so now i'll have to go on one of the upcoming wednesdays. after school time with shaks put me in much better spirits. haha. it was fun! eating and window shopping and talking and constantly being looked out for. hahaha. oh my! well, i saw soo many freaking things that i liked and that i wanted to buy. heels(like a dozen of them), clothes, whatever. sadly, the wallet is empty. almost empty. im brokeeeee. awww:( i wanna shop shop shop till i dropppp. hah.

ytd was incredibly long and sucky. long hours with extra classes and remedial. rushing to tuition after that. while walking home, caught a sight of man at the bottom of a small hill pissing away. sickkkk. and surprise visit from maine was good. but just as the sleepiness was crawling in, i was exposed to things that i rather not have seen. things that affect me. as i said previously, im trying to cultivate principles in me that i should follow. like ignorance is bliss. actions that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything might get me to think and have crazy imaginations. but i cnt control the curious mind, it's nature. but bloody idiots who have nothing else to do with their lives have to f-ing come mess with mine. on purpose, making guesses of my reaction. how annoying. violence and aggression popped into my head. haha.

well, today was a blast. feasting on all the things i love. sweet sweet things. with the sexy. haha. chicken rice smothered with black sauce. so very delicious b&j. my scoops of sex:) orgasmic chocolates and sauce. oh goodness. sinful delights. yummmmy! i loveeeee:)

discussion of fear came up a few days ago. the one thing that terrifies me the most is heights. i hate standing on corridors of flats and looking down. dont dare look down from the window when sitting in plane. blah blah. a debate popped up. and i was challenged to do something that involved heights. i sort of agree. i wanna do something that challenges that freaking fear but obviosuly, i wouldnt dare do it. haha. so im thinking of riding the flyerrrrr. since there's a huge discount going on right now, thought i'd just hop on it. and seems like the girly's gonna be keeping me company. hahaha. im excited! :)

ok, i can keep going on and on. but im yawning a million times. like a hippo. so time to stop this typing. long weekend(we just had one last week). well, im gonna try use it wisely. im outta hereeee.

bye ya'll!

have a good holiday!:)

fire burnin' on the dance floor.

2009-04-28T19:02:00.001+08:00

it's been quite some time. i've been quite busy. more like occupied. i'm totally not complaining. i like being occupied. i like being on my feet and doing things one after another. it kills the boredom that i'd otherwise have to painstakingly suffer. haha. but i dont like being drained of energy by the end of the day and wanting to fall into bed and never get up from that so comfortable positions(im talking about sleeping!). ;p

also, ive been extremely lazy to come type here. hah more so because i didn have the urge to write about the pretty bad week i was having. monday sucked. i missed orgasmic ben n jerry's on tuesday. wednesday was boring and was depressing cos i failed the damn physics test i had. thursday sucked shit. friday was half screwed. and i just had to bump into people i really didnt feel like seeing on that already day. sunday was dumb. so i think the only proper day of the week where i was all happy high would have been saturday. but maybe so cos i didnt step out of the house and go out. i let the fun come to me! haha:)

maybe, just maybe, i had a lame ass week last week cos of my mood and emotions. sometimes, i do hate the way my mood swings crazy. actually i don't realize it. but when i do, i feel like i'm a small temperamental child who simply cannot decide on whether i wanna be happy or sad or angry or moody. haha. but i dont mean it at all! these impulsive mood changes just come and go. eventually, i'll be back to normal and laughing like some sorta maniac. but then again, maybeeee, i'm not to be blamed. haha.

somehow, i think our curiosity and our very questioning minds could lead to our downfall. not exactly downfall. but something along those lines. and then when u think about it, ignorance is really bliss. i despise having to know something which affects me. cos i actually spend a few minutes of my very precious time brooding over it. but at the same time, i'd still like to know. haha i dunno how much more contradictory i can get. well, that's my fault. Cos my curiosity’s uncontainable and I lack self control at few few few instances. haha But it’s a momentary thing so I suppose i shouldn’t bother. it's just that i get that feeling. when i see or hear or know or smell or whatever something that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything. it then sets me off on a myriad of thoughts, leaving my mind to rambleeeee. tsk tsk.

ok, im starting to make little sense to myself anymore. i should stop. so the past couple of days haven't been so bad. soccer match ytd was exciting! haha. lesson today was insanely embarassing. haha. hilarious. and tmr, there's some kind of stupid primary school-like excursion/ field trip to marina barrage. arhhh. useless.

anyway, im gonna make the night a somewhat productive one. i totally feel like skipping school tmr cos its gonna be an incredibly long, chaotic day. the schedule scares me and i dont like the idea of leaving home before 7 in the mrng and returning home at an hour before midnight.

enough said. off i go now. have a good week. it's relatively short :)
bye.

oh hot damn, this is my jam.

2009-04-18T22:35:00.002+08:00

i'm spending my saturday night home while everyone else is having a good time! argh. how boring. i wanna go out out out. like somewhere to town. to walk around, to enjoy the night and shop.but i'm incredibly sleepy and tired and almost out of moneyyyy. haha!

the week was full of outings. it's good in a way cos from next week, i bet i'm gonna be getting bloody busy with all the dozens of make up lessons and remedial classes with the star programme now split into two damn levels. dumb. so goodbye to early ending times. goodbye to going home earlier, in the afternoons. argh.

as i was saying, the week was all about going out. went out almost everyday of the week i think. in fact, every single day. crazy. monday to outram, tuesday to bugis, wednesday to ecp, thursday to bishan j8. all for almost the same reason i think. scary! . hahaha. and a couple of days involved some sadness. i've been feeling perturbed of what i've been noticing or hearing of late. it's like seeing or hearing something that doesn't necessarily have some meaning but sends ur mind off on a myriads of thoughts. and the thoughts keep disturbing the mind. but then again, it points back to one very simple word. trust. and slowly, i calm myself and think positively. and let the meaning and effect of the word linger in my head. the long journeys home in the train and buses have been good time for reflections and easing the mind.

anyway, ytd, friday had to be the blast. chandni had come over. and we were rushing around like clowns. to bishan and back. thereafter, a night out. town, dinner, movie, travelling, like 100km of walking(walked for so freakin long), east coast, macs for spoons. last night was extremely hilarious. i like holding hostages:D i had so much of freaking fun. it was awesomeeee stuff.

i've got so much i wanna type out tonight but im being all lazy and useless. so im gonna go. but before that, here goes something.

1. Who is your best girl friend(s)?
chandni.

2. If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
dont think so?

3. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
who?

4. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
east coast

5. Do you have a best friend?
yessss

6. Do you smoke?
nope.

7. Do you remember what you were like when you were a kid?
sure do. i had such a great time playing.

8. Can you vote for the next election?
doubt it.

9. What are you listening to?
the way i are

10. When will your next kiss be?
dunno.

11. Who do you want to see right now?
many many people

12. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
tell me about it.

13. When did your last hug take place?
today

14. Do you date smart people?
yeap, i like smart boys. hah

15. Where were you at 2:02pm this afternoon?
i was home. sleepingggg

16. What does the last text in your phone says?
it's quite long. i dont wanna type it out.

17. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
abit

18. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yessssa

19. Who did you last eat with?
erm, the druggie

20. Do you text alot?
kind of.

21. How old will you be in 13 months?
18.

22. When is the last time you tattooed?
only did those airbrush ones. been quite some time.

23. If you like that person will you talk about your feelings or hide them?
im not sure

24. Do you wear glasses?
nooo, good eyesight;p

25. What are you looking forward to in the next month?
nothing?

26. Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
it's already night. but sure i will. need to talk to lots of peopleeee.

27. What color shirt are you wearing?
purrrrple.

28. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
yes:)

29. If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first ?
how bout some nice hot car?

30. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? What was it about?
the baboon .

31. Who was driving the last car you were in?
the very nice taxi uncle.

32. Who was the last person that called you?
clown

33. What are you craving right now?
something sweet. like ice cream? like cake?

34. What if you married the last person you kissed?
haha! let's see.

35. What are you excited about?
nothing.

36. Ever kissed your number 1 on facebook?
who's number 1?

37. When was the last time you cried? And why?
can't remember when exactly.

38. Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an A?
ha. maybe.

39. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?
yeap.

40. Last person you hugged?
beast.

41. What were you doing at 2:00 am last night?
erm, eating cake i think.

42. Have you cried today?
nope.

43. What bed did you sleep in last night?
a normal bed la.

44. Are you currently frustrated with a girl/guy?
im not.

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
yessssa. its so funny i tell u.

46. Does it snow where you live?
u hope so.

47. When is the next time you will see your grandma?
like now?.

48. Have you kissed or hugged someone today ?
yessa

49. Will you be married in the next two years ?
no way.

50. Have you ever wanted someone you thought that you couldn't have?
no?

51. Are you in a relationship, single, complicated, married, or engaged?
im in love with myself.

52. How have you felt today ?
happy. tired

53. Do you like your name?
yeah

54. Are you happy at the moment?
sure i am.

55. What were you doing at 10:00pm last night ?
in some bus somewhere

56. Last person who drove you somewhere(besides your parents) ?
the taxi driver

57. Ever kissed someone in a closet?
hahahaha. sureeee!

58. Do you live alone ?
nooo.

59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
definitely

60. Are you crazy ?
can i say no?

61. Who was the last person to call you babe?
a few.

62. How has this past week been for you?
fun fun fun

63. Last thing you drank ?
oh so tasty waterrrr

64. Do you believe that every thing happens for a reason?
yeap.

65. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
dunno.

66. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
hmm. whale? dolphin? jellyfish?

67. What do you normally order when you're at McDonald's?
fries. sundae. fillet.

68. Last book you read?
the holy clues.

69. Describe your mood.
happy

70. Describe the last time you were injured?
injured? some time ago. my knee.

71. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
hmm, someone who once damaged a well ;)

72. Rock concert or symphony?
rock. pffft.

73. Do you like taking the MRT?
i dont have a choice.

74. If you could only use a form of transportation,
driveeeeee

75. Whats your favorite kind of cake?
chocolate!

76. Look 20 degrees to your left, what do you see?
notes.

77. Do you untie your shoes when you take it off?
hardly ever.

78. Do you buy your own groceries?
nope

79. What's your favorite fruit?
dont like fruits to begin with.

80. Do you like running long distances?
yeh

81. Have you ever eaten snow?
haha no.

82. What color are your bedsheet?
some sort of yellowish beige. with blue

83. Do you hate someone very badly at this moment?
i dont hate.

84. Do you watch Spongebob?
eeee. no.

85. What temperature is it outside right now?
no freakin idea.

86. Do you consider yourself smart?
yes? :D

87. How many piercings do you have?
4

88. What language do you speak at home?
english.

89. How do you feel about your family?
lovely!

90. What time did you go to bed yesterday?
was goin in and out of sleep. .

91. What CD is currently in your CD player?
nothing.

92. What do you want for Christmas this year?
havent thought of soemthing yet.

93. Favorite ice-cream?
cookies n cream. B&J

94. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
nothing that sounds so different.

95. Lastly, whats your favorite color?
blueeee.

it's gonna be me, you and the dance floor.

2009-04-12T18:51:00.002+08:00

01. Who was your last text from?
dum diddly.

02. Where was your default picture on msn taken?
dempsey hill.

03. Your relationship status?
Single

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
define lost. not by death.

05. What is your current mood?
irritated. full of anger.

06. How many siblings do you have?
1

07. Do you have piercings?
yep

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
somewhere away.

09. Have a crazy side?
yessss

10. Ever had a near death experience?
oh yesyes. scary shit.

11. Something you do a lot?
laugh?

12. Angry at anyone?
maybe

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
nothing?

14. When was the last time you cried?
let's not go there.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
ive no idea

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
the activity i last did or about the day

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
the ghost in the closet

18. What is your favorite song?
i have many right now.

19. What are you doing right now?
this?

20. Who do you trust right now?
selected few people.

21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
outfitter girls

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
go figure.

23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
erm, closest. brandon.

24. Describe your life in one word?
good

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
dunno.
26. What should you be doing right now?
doing work. or sleeping

27. What are you listening to?
no air.

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
chandni.

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
parents

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
nopeeeee.

31. What is your natural hair color?
i'd like to think dark brown. haha. black i think.

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
maniac.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
same

34. What do you hear?
but i can't keep my hands out the cookie jar :)

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
curly curly curly

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
yes but it didnt really make sense.

37. Do you have a best friend?
yessssa, i do.

38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
nope.

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
uh huh.

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
haha yessss!

41. Are you happy with life right now?
i guess so. except for the school part.

42. Are you currently jealous?
nooo. why would i be.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
nothing. just the earstuds.

44. What were you doing on friday night?
nothinggg :(

45. Have you ever had your heart broken that caused you great depression?
haha! nothing so depressing.

46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
errr. yeah

47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
abit. yes.

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
either my flu or knee.

49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
till like 2 i think. talking.

50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nahh.

51. Do you drive?
i soon will :)

52. Ever had stitches?
nope.

53. Have you donated blood before?
yesyes. :D

54. When are you going overseas again?
june? december?

55. Any last words?
hell.

lights off. mask on. creep silent. he smiling.

2009-04-12T12:24:00.000+08:00

hello, it's a sunday morning. the day just kicked off for me. but the mood is exceptionally dull. i am so irritated right now. that words are just spewing from my mouth. everything's bloody pissing me off. there's just so much of dumbness around me, i dunno wad to say at all. things can't be anymore obvious. no matter how much i explain and try to bring my point across, it doesnt get driven into the head. it makes the whole thing look so stupid and makes things so much more difficult or so i'd think. from the way i look at it, it's wow. unbelievable. it makes everything that was ever mentioned so meaningless. it's so idiotic. i feel like flying to someplace far. but whatever, i give up. i think all i need is a small bite of something sweet. it'll probably do wonders. and maybe some anger releaving(bitchin) session with the girrrrlfriend. hah

so the week was rather eventful. it all began with the dear cuzzie's wedding. it was awesomeeeee stuff. so many many family gatherings that i love to go for. and extreme bonding:) haha. got to see the cousins who live overseas. i like. there were quite a number of birthdays during the week also. the school week started with receiving all other results of the last test. overall, it just wasnt very well done. and with parent teacher meeting next week, im so screwed. haha. i can so be prepared to be grounded. i dont wanna be. hope they'd be in a good and encouraging mood on the upcoming saturday. ha.

and there was the much awaited pw result release on thursday. i didnt get wad i wanted. damn sad ah. oh well, it's over. i dont wanna think about it. and thursday was good in its own way. blood donation. first time. was scared initially not of the sight of blood and needles. just worried about giving blood and perhaps fainting. haha. but the entire process was almost painless. and i didnt faint. i felt really good about it. i thought it was so cool. i was watching the whole thing. the injecting, the drawing of blood into a syringe. and the piercing of a bigger needle into my skin. and my blood flowing and filling a bag. wow. hahaha. i was amazed! im not being saddistic. but yes. and then after school was about digging into a huge tub of ice cream. hahaha. niceeee. cookies n cream. yummy. followed by, the soccer match that sa won. haha. funny:D

a short walk through the first level of tampines1 on thursday also was enough to make me sick. it was so freaking crowded! goodness. it was like armies of ppl marching around. crazy. and again, exploring the mall with muz on saturday was funny. he was like a small lost child wandering into each and every shop. aiyo! i'd be walking and when i turn around, he wouldn't be there. instead, he'd be staring at some thing in some shop asif it was alien to him. aiyo. tsk tsk. and his neck was the joke of the day. hahahaha.

Good friday was spent with chandni. abit. at church. for lunch. and small walks around hgng. it was all fine. i missed two family gatherings just these past two nights. one for which i wasnt allowed to go for. sighs. ok, i've been going and on about week. well, it's been pretty fine except for the saturday and the sunday that doesnt seem to be coming along very fine. might go out later with the family or the missy. we'll see.

i think the bad mood is catching up on me again. i had better go before i begin ranting once more. so have a good week ya'll!
byeee.

double your pleasure.

2009-04-04T16:12:00.007+08:00

another friday's over. the weekend has come rolling in. it's already/only saturday afternoon. the weekend feels awfully long. maybe cos i might be missing school on monday. or maybe cos my saturday's kind of quiet without the need of travelling up and down the country for tuition. i was watching step up just now. nice movie. i like the dancing. hah i slept the entire morning away. i was extremely tired. and still am trying to keep my eyes open. haha. well, the past week was rather good and productive. school's been tiring as usual. i was exhausted before monday had even ended. ha been trying to keep in pace with the tutorials, homework and all. not so bad. maybe half of the 5weekdays i went home straight after school. pretty impressive i must say.

i feel so far away. and i'm trying to recall the highlights of the week. so i might speak abit of rubbish. ha little bonding sessions with bell, joel, royston, olivia perhaps have been good. classmates la. wathcing the game with them in the rain. nice. and the week had a few crazy incidents. haha. anyway, gp lessons are by far the most interesting and most wow. i like my gp group. we always have intellectual conversations. haha. like my daily car rides:)

wednesday was indeed sneaky. i dunno how else to describe it. hahah! i felt like some criminal/mastermind, discussing and coming up with plans. there was a break in eh. hilarious! haha. it was awesome though. school happens to be quite fun on fridays. dunno why. the day is relatively short. and lessons seem to fly by. similarly, ytd. and after school was even better. mini chatting session with the class which lasted a short but good 20mins:) and thereafter, delicious lunchings at airport with the clown. sweet treats. ha tasted extra yummy. i had great great funnnnnn. i like:) i wanted to fly away! hah this being the year i wanna stay home and not go anywhere, every family member plans to do otherwise. arghh. msia next weekend. supposedly, australia in june. wth! how annoying.

family gathering at some house in eunos/kembangan/ubi or wherever last night. sort of pre-wedding gathering. it was niceeeeee. althought, i was insanely tired and was in no mood to do anything, i had a good time. the family(extended) never fails to cheer me up. good seeing the cousins! talking, talking and talking till i almost fell asleep. not cos they were boring! anyway, tmr's the big big day. haha. i hear the wedding bells. awww. i'm excited! haha. but means very little sleep tonight. or so i think. and waking up in the wee hours of the morning.

both days last weekend was spent going out with the sexys. plus, i did quite a fair bit of shopping. im in the mood to buy dresses, dresses and more dresses. haha. i was so close to meeting the sec sch people. but i didnt. oh well, i will soon. i miss them! so last weekend started and ended with the friendsssssss. it was amazingly awesome! haha. and this weekend is dedicated to the family. to thecousins. to the bride and groom. ahaha.

im still trying to figure out what to do with the saturday i have. i already missed the first two family gatherings of the day. the 15km walk/ jog in mcritchie this morning which begin at 8. cos i couldnt wake up at all. and the lunch after that. boohoo. so hopefully, there's one more this evening. i so surely will go. all i want is to spend the evening with the cuzzies. or i hope they stay over! or im allowed to stay over at one of the houses.

right now, i need to go run away to dini with the million thoughts occupying and disturbing my mind, and to the old house to run errands and maybe do something to my hair. itchy fingers. haha. i hear thunder and see lightning flashing through the sky. better go before the rain starts pouring hard.

goodbye world.

the definition of a real man.

2009-03-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

it's fly fly friday! heh. im highhhh. wheeeeeee. the term exams are overrrrr. like finally. it kinda flew right by. the papers were okay. half screwed, the other half not bad. oh well, it's over. i cnt change anything. shall just wait for the results. so i've got a few days break before crazy school starts again on monday. 4days actually. but funny thing, my tuition resumed the day my last paper ended. sucks! well other than that, i've been having a decent bit of fun.

thursday was spent home after the paper. socializing! hahaha. and watching transformers and eating and not forgetting, the freaking embarassing moment i had. goodness. haha! after tuition little outing to j8 with esther. and today was soooo bloody awesome. i had great trouble getting up as usual. small trip to town to fix the ipod. but sadly, it's dying. so i brought it back to let it live its final moments with me. ha anyway, the entire afternoon was spent at jb with two aunties and mum. aunt had come with the brilliant plan of bringing me shopping. and so we went, taking a public bus from woodlands. it was insanely fast. within like 10-15 minutes, we had cleared both sides of the customs. and city square mall is linked to the customs. so it was like another 5 to 10minutes. small lunch to energize ourselves and crazy shopping which started close to 2. haha! too bad chandni couldnt come. we were going in and out of so many shops. shopping ended at freaking 6 in the evening. and we hadn't even covered like a quarter of the mall. bought many many many things. like shoeeeeees. i'm crazy over shoes! haha. and a dress and a few bit more of clothes. ok actually, i didnt buy all that much. but the price rate is like wow. everything's like half price compared to spore. plus it's so convenient to just go across using the bus service. ahaha. i shall go bug the cuzzies to bring me soon. haha! i had an incredible time that i felt like staying there and not coming back. ha. and there was a massive jam along the causeway when we were returning in the 950bus service. we were all late. the traffic wasnt even like moving. maybe abit. goodness. maybe cos of the peak hour. and ppl returning back from work. or going to work for the night. i dunno. or maybe cos it was a friday. yeah. but the amount of walking we did! wo. i like. haha fun fun. and rexy had trg today. haha damn cute!

i've got so much of thoughts to release. but im getting tired. plus, im having a blast chatting with the sec school sexys. haha. jovi cut his emo hair and is working! wow. woman is actually studying. proud of him. asyraf is finally out of his job and is free like the wind. yh actually is plan-less for a day. and pretiv, i dunno. haha. i wanna meet them tmr! since missy missy dini cnt go out to shopppppp with me, i just might meet them. haha. ok im outta here. gonna get back to eating the nuts and gossip girl.

xoxo. haha.

it's getting way too deep.

2009-03-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

it's past midnight. friday's over. but this post would probably only be typed out completely and posted much later on the saturday. i've been to this site a few times during the week, wanting to type out the usual long entries. but the mood wasn't there. plus, there's hardly been time to sit down and just jab away at the keyboard.

it's almost been an entire week of the march holidays. i had been looking forward to this particular week for a long time. cos school was gettin really tiring. i just needed a break! i didn't have anything planned. i just wanted to rest and to study for the damn exams next week. so the holidays came. and now, it's almost gone. with me just as tired as ever. and still with a load of things to study for. didnt get much rest. i know cos i still keep falling asleep on my work and still am having great trouble getting up in the mornings. but the spring technique is doing a good job in getting me out of bed. ha.

i've got so much to write out but i'm gonna keep it as short as possible. well, wednesday was service learning for s13. we brought a group of 41kids from some centre in jurong to the zooooo! it was gonna be a fun and slightly educational trip for them. and it turned out pretty well i must say. we managed to stick to the schedule and work according to plan. but the kids were a major challenge, especially since they were so damn young. so naughty! they'd hardly listen. they'd intentonally wanna do something they were told not to do. haha some even talked back. maybe cos of the fact, they dont really spend time with parents to have instiled in them some strong sense of discipline whatsoever. they are really nice kids though. really adorable. but at the same time, just so naughty. haha so we were all holding hands and walking around like in some episode of barney. haha. ice breakers. sightseeing. sandwich making. animal show. games. and of course photo taking. haha. it was all good. the children just tired us all out by mid-day! and we were all really putting in so much of energy to just finish the walk around the zoo. ha. it was quite funny. so the day with the kiddos ended around 4. but they were all so hesitant to leave and were insistent on staying longer! haha. service learning was fun. class bonding was awesome! :)

and there was the other part of service learning that made me feel grateful for the life i have. the family and friends. cos there was this 8year old girl who was sticking with me throughout the entire day. she was walking with me, playing, tickling, poking me. laughing. eating with me, sitting on my lap, hugging me, cracking jokes about money face, about how much older i am to her, asking me questions she found very interesting and blah blah. she was all cheerful throughout the entire day. but there were times when she'd tell me how she felt. and that she wanted to die. and how she hated life. it was quite sad to hear an eight year old speak like that. she even asked for me to visit her every monday. i dont blame her. cos after all, she's been spending her week of holidays in that sheltered centre. and it just makes me thankful, really for all the people i have in life. the home. the time i spend with everyone. the fact i grew up in a proper home full of love!

oh well. the rest of the weekdays just flew right by. with me missing many family gatherings:( but thursday was a bomb! haha. and everyone in the family has been in an increasingly joyous mood with cuzzie's wedding just round the corner. ha i myself am excited. i need to go shop after the exams with missy miss dini. and my phone's been giving me some problems. so damn annoying. plus it's gettin freaky. images appearing in my pictures folder out of nowhere! and the images look weird. haha.

alrighty, till next week! bye! :)

lips like sugar.

2009-03-15T19:10:00.001+08:00

sanjeev sent me something incredibly funny and i just have to try it.

Dear Clown,

I don't really know how to tell u this, I'm in love with your cat. I think i realized it last year when you peed in your pants Under a street light and I saw you sit on my Blink 182 cd. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand Santa doesn't exist.I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass, always wanted to break your legs and told in my confession today about the moose poaching and i'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Love always,
Preeti

Here's how you do it:
Dear (name of the person u last texted),
I don't really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning your (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I(10) and (11).

(12),
Name

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed in your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost -High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The third, the third last and the last letter in your last name if it is long or just the last letter of your last name if it is short?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself.

lips lock. hips rock.

2009-03-15T19:05:00.001+08:00

im boreddddd. i ought to be studying. ha. i will soon. so i had quite a reasonable weekend considering i didnt meet theeeee cousins and friends. saturday was burnt near the old house. the estate is gone. so sad. to think i stayed there for a good 13years. and the lovely neighbours and their friends who always came there. how we all played all the games we can ever think of. name it and we play it. and all that scars and blood from blading, cycling, rugby, soccer, badminton, running, climbing over fences and into that humungous valley/drain. hahaa. it was sooo freaking fun! aww, i miss the place. it's completely demolished now. so bumped into a few of the old neighbours ytd. always hanging around there! hah and i saw shawtyyyyy for like 10mins. yay. and i've finally chopped off my hair and did something to it. haha. and today was spent with the family at jurong. shoppin at giant. ha! and lunch at nyny at jurong pt where mum found her long lost sec school mate. haha. ok here goes nothing.

RANDOM
How are you today?
im fine.

What pants are you wearing?
shorts.

What shirt are you wearing?
saints tshirt

What song are you listening to rightnow?
how do you sleep - jesse mccartney

What was the last thing you ate?
brownieeeee.

How is the weather right now?
it's quite gloomy. i like :)

What time is it?
1816

What are the last four digits of yourphone?
ha go figure.

Last text message from?
the hustler

If you were a crayon what color wouldyou be?
blue, purple?

What makes you happy?
many things.

Who do you tell your dreams to?
depends.

Do you have a crush on any of yourfriends?
nope.

Do you believe in love?
uh huh.

Do you believe in love at firstsight?
not really

First crush?
hahahaha! jj.

Name a person you know through him/her.
haha! kc. jo.

Long or short hair?
in the middle? lol.

Curly or straight?
curlyyyyy.

Tall or short?
u tell me.

Good or bad?
good? :)

Hat or no hat?
errr, i like tophats ;p

Ears pierced or not?
pierced

How many piercings?
4

Which finger is your favorite?
how bout the middle finger? or ring finger? ha they're all the same la.

Do you like your handwriting?
sort of.

Any bad habits?
hmm, getting angry quickly?

Do looks matter?
kind of. but personality,character more.

What are you thinking of right now?
the upcoming week.

What are you going to do after this?
study study study.

How do you release anger?
in many ways. tend to get violent though. haha

Do you trust others easily?
nope.

Are you in love with someone?
many many people. haha!

What's your favorite colour?
blue.

Ever been on TV or in the newspaper?
yesss. on tv for some ad. newspaper for some speech competition.

What do you do when you're sad ordepressed?
reflect? be alone?

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
abit. haha. i cant help it.

Would you bungee jump?
no freaking way.

What is something you are very afraid of?
heights.

Do you untie your shoes when you takethem off?
sometimes.

What are you worried about right now?
tmr's spa.

Anything else you want to add?
bro went to clarke quay last night. how damn unfair.

TIME
Which is your favourite day of the week?
fridays

Which is your favourite month of the year?
err december?

Do you prefer the day or the night?
night.

Which time of the year are you always looking forward to?
holidays. haha.

Which was the most memorable bday?
i enjoyed every birthday. but 11th. 16th. 17th the most.

Which was the most memorable Valentine's day?
has to be 2007's.

Most memorable new year?
every one of them. the countdown for 2000, 2008 and 2009 were by far the most outstanding.

VACATIONS
Do you go for vacations every year?
yeah usually. to kl that is.

How many countries have you visited?
just a handful.

The most memorable vacation would be?
the ones in KL. and if india was considered a vacation. haha.

Next holiday you're planning to go on?
london. europe.

Ever gone for vacations without your parents?
yessssa. mostly to kl.

With your friends?
to india. but it wasnt exactly a vacation.

During which vacation did you get to meet attractive members of the opposite sex?
hahaha! err again it wouldnt be considered exactly a vacation. but it'll be the one to penang with bro and all the SA hockey/soccer guys. hahaha!

Had enough questions?
YES!

bigger than the world.

2009-03-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

it's friday friday friday. and im recovering! school was a huge pain in the neck the last couple of days. but today being the last day of term, flew by. i was high at school. haha. so it was insanely fun. lessons with isabell and joel are increasingly fun! hah the conversations we have! funny. they range from intellectual ones where we talk about politics, law blah blah to sick in the mind ones. haha i spent quite abit of time with the class today. :) class bonding especially after school was good. when i was helping them form prom tables. they formed two but both tables had insufficient people. i feel bad! like really bad. oh man.

anyway, other than that, school time just flew by. plus it raineddddd. i like:) after school was even better. popeye's chicken at airport. yummy. haha the place never fails to remind me of the cousins. ha sanjeev's soooooo gonna leave me soon. how unfair. i had a terrible urge to fly away when i was there. haha! supposed to have studied. but didn really. tsk tsk tsk! instead went around the country(not exactly) with the hostage . i had fun. wheeee. but sadly, the beloved bakery did not have my oh so sweet brownies that i love to eat. sighs. plus, cake at home's all gone. hehe. i neeeeeeeed something sweet now.

tomorrow's saturday. so many many things. double tuition. after which i've got a list of things i wanna do. like having to go for a review at the clinic and go do something about my hair man! it's so incredibly messy. i can't stand it. but i dont wanna cut it. dear brown curls will be goneeeee and replaced by jet black ones. awww. and the rest of the weekend shall be burnt studying for chem on monday. ahaha. and so shall the hols. and i'm looking forward to sl. bringing a group of orphanage kids to the zoo! think the last time i went there was when i was like a decade ago? ohmy. that's sad.

i was bored and was looking through my thumbdrive of photos. specifically, at over the 100pictures taken in 2007. racial harmony day. quite funny. think one of the nice ones was taken with chelsie, asyraf, nigel. made me think about that whole clique of them and all the stupid dumb stuff we'd do in class and the vidoes we'd make. haha. i actually still have some of them. and also, that huge group of like what, a 30-man convoy? was big enough to form a damn class. i had so much fun with them. aww. all seems so long ago.

ooo, there's just been some heat on msn. think i exploded. uh oh. my fingers are jabbing at the keys harder. trust trust trust. it all points back to that. annoying. i had better go now. off to sleep. but before that, dini dini just said something incredibly funny. hah she made quite a comparison between chris brown and a certain scaredy cat;p

laterrrrr! have a good weekend ya'll.

u spin my head right round when u go down.

2009-03-11T18:15:00.004+08:00

boredom's killin me. i'm still sick. i can't sleep. i ought to be studying then. for exams less than 2weeks away. haven't started. whine whine whine. i'm gonna do something about it. NOW!

Are you currently looking for a significant other?
- nope.

Ever kissed someone with tattoos?
- err. not that i know of.

Who are you crushing on
-not crushin'.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship
-nothing's perfect now, is it.

How did you get your last bruise?
- some stupid fall during training.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
- haven't in quite some time.

Who was the first person to text you today?
- ermmm, beasttttt.

Are you currently sad about anything?
- sad's not the word.

Are you tired?
- yessss, i wanna sleep.

Where were you at noon yesterday?
- at home.

Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
- sure i would:)

Do you have trust problems?
- kinda yeah.

Do you dance?
- i like to

Name something that made you frown today?
- my flu.

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
- yepppppp.

How would you feel if your last ex fell in love with someone else?
- nothing? it doesn't matter at all to me.

Are you in a good mood right now?
- sort of. =]

Ever been called babe?
- yesssa.

Do you have anything that belongs to a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- hmm yeah. i have many things belonging to many people. hahaha.

Who was the last person you had an argument with?
- not an exactly an arguement. i dunno.

Do you believe exes can be friends?
- yeap.

Do you have a best friend?
- sure do.

Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you?
- no one.

Are you in the middle of texting someone?
- i was.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
- not really.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
- u tell me.

Honestly, how many people have you really fallen for?
- skip.

Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
- yessssa. many people did. haha.

Has anyone ever bought you a ring?
- uh huh.

Who was the last girl you talked to?
- chandni!! :D

Look at your nails; Do they need to be cut ?
- haha. are u kidding me!? they are incredibly short.

Have you been on any type of online messengers today?
- yeh msn.

Who was the last person you called?
- at school today, muz i think.

About how many hours of sleep did you get last night?
- about 6?

List three things near you:
- phone. plate. thermometer.

Is your hair naturally straight?
- ha!! more like naturally curly.

Is there anyone that you're mad at right now?
- not exactly.

Where was your handphone's wallpaper taken?
- somewhere in pasir ris.

Who was the last person to pass you a comment?
- errr. joel?

Do you think love is overrated?
-??

When was the last time you went on a cleaning spree?
- i ought to be on one soon.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can't/won't?
- i guess.

Is there snow on the ground where you are?
- sadly, no.

What is keeping you warm right now?
- clothes?

Do you think it's cute when a boyfriend/girlfriend gives the other a random gift?
- yesssssss.

byeeeeee.

i've been missing u crazy.

2009-03-09T23:23:00.001+08:00

it's just the first day of the freaking last week of the school term. and the monday was already so long and dreadful. maybe cos of the fact im sick. i've got the damn flu and every other painful and miserable things that always come together. and not to forget, im burnin up. im having damn bloody fever. the weather is really oh so nice. with it raining almost everyday. makes me happy and wanna sleep. but sadly, i cnt take anything cold in this already cold weather. im able to sleep much more peacefully though. hah.

school was incredibly dumb and slightly annoying today. shouldnt have gone. longest day. came home straight after schooooool. i didnt do pe which i love to do. and couldnt go run after school with the netballers also. had actually gone for the final phys spa trial. cos the actual's on wed. and im really bad at it. stupid move. half the class didnt know there was a trial. so everyone was like either sleeping or doing their own things and taking their time to do the trial. and i was feeling too sick to even remember what i learnt. took close to half an hour to start on the first paragraph and soon after the eyes started closing. haha. i only managed to finish half the paper! and bell didnt come! boohoo. so i was with jo joe joel. fun fun:)

i talked to missy missy dini properly today after daysssss! made me feel better. she seemed equally shocked. reacted the way i did. with ohmys and ohnos. hahaha. event with her this sunday. hope i can goooooo.

last week wasn't so bad. quite a good week. but i didnt manage to meet the secondary school sexies! haha. i had four days to, with the ex class gathering on monday and the four days of bimbo's chalet. but each day there was something at school. plus i couldnt stay over. arghh. sorry guys! other than that, the usual things:) and i finally made my new ez link card since i lost it an entire month ago! so back to student fare. but the picture looks like... i dunno! haha.

the usually short weekend felt unusally long with my nose running like a freaking tap and fever that made my body acheeeee. the weekend sucked. goodness! but the weekend was good in its own way. actually talked to shelly quite alot after ages! it was niceeee. and to think how different things were last year, wow.

dear sanjeev paid me a visit ytd cos i was wanting to see him. i havent seen him in weeks! so i finally got to. and we were talking and talking and talking. he's really confirmed leaving for aussie the beginning of may! oh man! i feel sad thinking about it. my closest cousin brudda is leavin me behind! aww. he was gonna celebrate my 18th birthday with me but he's goinggg. sooo the big event we are all looking forward to is the other cuzzie's wedding in less than 4weeks time. wheeeee.

i see rexy walking in and out of my room and jumping around. think he wants me to play with him. ha! so off i go now. till later!

save me from this misery! let me recover quickkkkkk. uh-oh, big mouth alert. i'm staying home tomorrow.

dead and gone.

2009-03-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

helloooo. i've actually visited this site a few times since my last post. but each time, something crops up and i stop typing halfway and backspace the entire essay or im just way too lazy to jab at the keyboard. so i finally decided to find some time and type out this entry. school's just been getting worse. but i'm pretty impressed at myself. im catching up on my work. almost in pace with the rest. the word's almost. still satisfied:) hahah.

well, the past week has been indeed eventful. did quite abit of exploring and walking around the east in the rain with the paedophile. i like walking:) haha! fun fun. wednesday was our road run. but due to dumb and annoying circumstances, i couldn't run fully well/properly. bloody hell. i had wanted that medal. pffttt. oh well, i guess i'll have to do with the one last year. i had a great time after road run. there was a long long walk to the central of ecp. i had simply deeeeelish and a huge bowlful of ice cream at gelare. yummmmmmmy. after which was awesome chicken rice that i totally love to eat. entire day sponsored. hahaha. i feel so evil. awww:)

there was also the visits to shops and what not near the old place with the family. it was good. and sadly, sgardens is gone! my lovely hangout with the neighbours, the family and whoever. is now gone. no more sitting around till midnight talking, having supper, eating the yummy ice cream and drinking the awesome drinks. the entire village's been cordoned off. it's so sad. looks so deserted:(

the much awaited friday was spent at the cinemas. caught a movie. it wasn;t too bad. just kinda slow. quite sad n touching ah. reminded me of rexy! ahahah. so i came home and gave him more attention. and he got all happy excited! sooooo cute. and saturday had to be most outstandingly fun day. school in the morning. with the dumb econs test which i totally screwed. match i watched and tuition! more exploring of the east took place. walking is fun. hahaha. and there was the incredibly fun after-ages meeting with chandni which started at tampines, shifted to bugis and ended at home. shopping was fun. retail therapy as we call it. sunday was mundane. didnt do anything productive enough to get rid of the guilt i felt during the weekend. haha.

ytd was a very different monday. wasn't too bad. bubbling with the class and a mini shorts shopping spree with isabell at various places. i feel nice hanging out with the class more. hah. and a handful of them always make lessons much more fun. like joel and isabell who are awesome and very fun to sit with during lessons like gp and econs and chem. interesting and maybe slightly sick conversations tend to take place. haha.

someone asked me today, which was the best class i ever had. and i was just recalling all my secondary school days. there was the amazing sec1, sec2 class that was so freaking bonded, lively, crazy and was even considered notorious. so many brilliant people there. and there was the sec3, sec4 class which was much less quiet. but everyone was also very close. especially the groupie i love! and there's the class right now. awesome class. so three classes i found very hard to decide between. but in terms of fun and blah blah, i think sec1andsec2 was the sex! and suddenly, i miss sec school. the friends i made there. need to start contacting them all again. and that reminds me of chels bday chalet that i'd love to go for if i wasn;t having school. arghh. and there;s also the class gathering last night at sgardens that i couldnt go for. i need to meet these people soon soon soon!

and today wasn;t too bad. i had company all the way home:) long bus ride. walking. feast on food from the bakery. bread, brownies, blah blah. weehoo. delicious! and talking about and reliving memories of last year. the stories were incredibly hilarious. lalala. was laughing my freaking ass off! hahaha. so the week hasn;t been so bad.

it's mid week tomorrow! i cnt wait. and friday will come quickly. so will the weekend. let's all hope for the rest of the week to be good. off i go now, to get some work done.

holla!

when my bottle pops, shake me.

2009-02-22T15:54:00.002+08:00

the much awaited weekend's finally finally hereeee. but also, it is ending. monday's almost here. boohoo. well, the week was funnily unusual. many unexpected events. i dont even know where to start. there's so much i wanna type out. haha. poor keyboard. the last week of feb is already here. and each day, im reminded at school how much pressurising the rest of the year is gonna be. it scares me more when all teachers ever talk about is the exam and how we need to start studying. plus, the classmates seem to know everything! goodness. oh well, time to step up on that aspect.

so last sunday, was a family outing/lunch to swensens. annoyingly, it ended in arguements and unhappiness. pfft. but the rest of the day was not too bad. night time was exceptionally entertaining. usually sunday nights are depressing cos monday will be rolling in after. but it was different. i dunno what hpnd to me. whether i was hit by the ecstasy wave or not. cos i was terribly high. and the call in the late late nightabout fantasies! hahaha. till now, it's on my mind. monday was very different cos of it all. i wasn't affected by the blues and it felt soo much better. the monday just wheezed by. and after school was even more hilarious! surprising.

tuesday, caught slumdog millionaire. what a day to watch a movie. haha but it was niceeee. interesting and good movie. it was abit confusing at first. the movie was being explained to me. haha. and the short time after school spent with the sexys was simply explosive. damn fun. i liked fightin for the chocolate which wasn't even mine to begin with :D

thursday was spent at home. i skipped school. first time of the year. wow, huge achievement! haha. so i slept in. and took my time doing my work the entire day. it was soooo relaxing. but before i realized, the day was over and i was already in bed setting the alarm for friday morning. how sad. and friday was quietly pleasant :) i had fun. but it was a different type of fun. i got my sweet treats plus there was a walkathon between cities. hahaha.

anyway, my weekend was rocking! warehouse sales. got me one pair of shoes ytd afternoon. after which, i discovered more places around pp selling good food. after a delicious lunch, the day was spent at grandad's house ar marsiling. as usual. the fight with the annoying big mofo brudda. and the playing with the kiddos. i had lotsa fun. plus, my aunt always showers me with gifts(got another pair of shoes)whenever i go there. favourite neice ah. hahaha. after which, shopping hadn't ended! off to causeway point with the mum and aunt. got another two pairs of slippers/sandals. hahaha. visitors home when i got back. so i had to climb into the house to sneak in the big bags of shoe boxes. freaking funny! and the awesome phone call put me to good sleep. haha.

and this morning, my useless alarm clock didnt wake me up. actually, the alarm clock did wake me up but a freaking hour late. tsk tsk. ran and came back home and slept. i remember vaguely talking on the phone. cnt rmb wad about. and shopping with the bro and dad that commenced at noon got me another two pairs of shoes! hahah. goodness! it's been a great weekend. and now, its time to get started on my damned homework. i cant wait for wedddddd.

monday blues dont hit me pls.

im out! byeeeee:)

i'm holding you captive.

2009-02-14T18:50:00.003+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY!

it's already mid feb. the past week flew by tremendously quickly. the week kicked off badly, meaning monday was terribly screwed. i don't think i wanna recount that day. the nicer thing i remember doing was wandering the floors of tm with shak. haha. tuesday put me in much better mood. high speed shopping with moosey the dumbo after school which went by in a rush! i felt like a clown chasing after him! arghh. ha but it was absolutely fun and hilarious! thinking about it makes me laugh.

also on tuesday, there was gelare! haha. and i had some incredibly delicious ice cream which tasted even sweeter since. it was paid for. hahaha! ;p and wednesday followed with another successful mary and lamb mission which had us transform to kids at the playground for a while. haha! wednesday was nice in it's own fun, sexy way! ha! :) and thursday was the day where another super sonic shopping session took place. with different souls, krthik and shak. i could have died laughing i tell you! and there were moments of stress that plagued all three of us and we'd panic and start running around. hahaha! yeap. of course, there were the regular lunches and meal times. so the week had it's fun side that just went right by.

at the same time, it was a long week due to the so much of work that i couldn't complete , extra lessons, tiring trainings(since there's a new coach who pushes all of us), tuitions after school, late nights. the usual stuff. those things haven't changed. and won't for a long time. so maybe i should stop whining and deal the damn hell with it! :D

anyway, on a happier note, ytd vday was celebrated at school. people buying for one another things. reminded me of bowen! haha. it was damn sweet. giving out chocolates, sweets, gifts, cards, notes, letters, flowers. niceeeeee. and i wanna thank each and everyone for everything. the adorable brown bear!, flowers, card, letter, note, bracelet, chocolates, brownie, and the bomb of a necklace that came very much later in the day. goodness, how freaked out i was when i saw it. lovely day =]

so my saturday was spent mostly at home after training in the morning. as much as i wanna meet the besttttttt friend, chandni, i dont want to disturb her studying. missy miss has exams the coming week! tsk tsk. somehow, i feel i wasted my day. cos i've been idling around doing nothing significant or productive enough to not feel guilty when i've got tonnes of work to get done by monday. which leaves me with slightly more than half the weekend to finish up. i think it's about time i spent time more wisely. and maybe, just maybe, i'm gonna cut down on my outings(dont scold me ppl). hahaha. but at the same time, idling is good. it creates the time for me to do just take myself away from the busy schedule. and allows me to think, sort my millions of thoughts out and relax and reflect. and i totally love to do that, some soul searching. makes me feel so gooooood. clears my mind. and it's not called stoning. it might involve some day dreaming though. and i've been doing that the entire afternoon. so i'm gonna go give myself more peace and take a short nap.

bye ya'll! have a good weekend.
let's label friday as the day to look forward to, yet again:)

i feel your whisper acrosss the sea.

2009-02-13T23:06:00.001+08:00

HAPPY FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.

i shall post tmr.
let's enjoy the remaining of friday.
bye blood sucking vampires=]

2009-02-08T11:36:00.003+08:00

hellooooo. been quite some time since i've typed here. hah well, we're already 8 days into february. time seems to be going fast. the first month of the year is over, it's scary. i need to start studying! arghh. the week has been pretty eventful despite the fact of long school hours, the mountainous pile of painful homework and exhausting training(s).

haha. let's see. last weekend was quite alright. i remember hanging around this area for once on a saturday and not head back to the east. i was out shopping with shermaine and chandni and running errands. and sunday was highlighted with the wedding where i got to see so many many people whom i've never met before, most supposedly are my relatives!

hah the week was nice and dreadful at the same time. brandon joined on monday! haha so i brought him to school. had fun catching up with him. think the last i saw him was at the bbq during december. quite a while ago. i think. so i had a partner to go to school with. to share that bloody long journey. just that the rest of the days, my dad sent us. haha and i had a job to check on him. like an older sister. aiyo. but it was ok. however, he transferred out on friday to ny. boohoo.

school's been so tiring with so much of work to complete and rushing to meet deadlines and trying to keep awake in class after late nights and even more so tiring trainings. sighs. and tmr's monday. another new week. im so gonna get hit by the monday blues again, like how i do every other week. the week was full of incidences that caused emotinal stress, worry, sadness, anger, disappointment. blah blah. name it all. i lost my phone on tuesday morning! and i only realized it while singing the national anthem. haha. very early in the day actually. checked with my friends, wasn't with them. and panic took over me. goodness, it was super damn scary. i hate that feeling! and funnily, i had a prime suspect in mine. muz. haha. im sorry man. i dunno why. maybe cos he kept laughing at me! but i knew it wasn't him. it wasn't anybody. oh well, my life returned to me when mister passed it to me. he found it after searching. aww. wow. i'm so very thankful! really. and after school was dumb and the days went by with me witnessing other little incidences. arghhh. bad! oh well, forget about that.

so, after school happy hours spent with the usual people was goooood. bonding over meals at the bubble tea shop, snacking with shaks at ljs at eastpoint(it was my first time going there. not bad, pretty empty), window shopping with her as well over random things and fbt shorts, lunch at seoul garden, another mary and lamb mission(hahaha!) and a freaking long movie. plus doing up a dumb noticeboard. ytd meaning saturday, had to be the bomb! i dragged my feet to sch on a damn saturday but it wasn;t so bad actually. haha. tuition got cancelled. lunching at kfc. long bus rides. family gathering at home that ended at freaking 2am! gosh. it was extremely fun though. time just flew!

and now, im spending my sunday at home i think. i need sleep. haha. next week's gonna zoom by. so many things on. gonna have a very busy week. posts are not expected. and for once and surprisingly, im at ease. i feel so calm and relaxed. haha. nothing much in my head. not many thoughts running through my mind. i feel goooooood. very good. and so before this dies off, i think it's only right to chanel this positive energy and vibe to something more useful and maybe productive.

laterrrrrr!

Say you marry the last person you texted,what's your new last name?
` ha! goodbye

When's the last time you fell asleep?
` erm, last nite?

Are any of your texts in your inbox locked and why?`
yeah all of them! cos i don't like every single soul reading them. haha

Is there that one guy/girl that you'll always have feelings for no matter what?
` probably?

How many cell phones have you had in your life?
` haha. ermm, 8 or 9. most of it died halfway with many problems! ha

What's the last thing you laughed about?
` last night. cnt rmb what about.

What was the last drink you had?
` f&n orange.

Who did you first call this morning?
` not called anyone as of yet.

What was the last song you heard?
` halo by beyonce.

How long can you go without your phone?
` doubt it's very long.

Are you missing someone?
` yeah . many people.

If you could go back in time,how far back would you go?
` i wouldnt.

Are you the youngest person living in your house?
` nope.

Did you ever want to be a lawyer?
` i don't mind being one. but i really rather be a doctor. haha

If there were no letters written on the keyboard could you stilltype with the buttons?
` with much effort, yes.

Do you have a bad temper?
` kind of. i easily get very angry at the smallest of things. that makes one of my new year resolutions.

Do you believe that there's good in everybody?
` surely

Anything you're currently looking forward to?
` for friday perhaps?

Did anything special happen today?
` nahh, nothing.

In the winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
` both are fine. but i wear more jackets. haha

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
` being home's alright:)

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
` turned my alarm off.

What are you listening to?
` halo.

Have you ever had a best friend who was the opposite sex?
` yeah.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
~ ha! maybe.

In the past week have you cried?
~ teared? haha i dunno.

Is there someone you will never forget?
~ of course. many people i wont ever forget =]

surrounded by your embrace

2009-01-31T11:57:00.001+08:00

How did you get one of your scars?
// most of those on my legs are from my miserable chicken pox experience!

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
// in many different ways with many different lovely people =]

How are you feeling at this moment?
// gooood.

How did your night go last night?
// it was fineeeeee.

How did you do in high school?
// not too bad

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
// i bought it.

How often do you see ur best friend?
// i used to see her every other day. but now, we are trying to find some common time to meet! aww.

How much money did you spend last month?
// quite a lot. it was the hols!

How old do you want to be when you get married?
// dunno.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
// 18:)

SEVEN WHAT'S:
What did you do the last friday?
// spent it at home ;p

What is the most important part of your life?
// the family and friends.

What did you last cry over?
// i cnt rmb

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
// anyone who can make me laugh

What are you worried about?
// the year.

What did you have for breakfast?
// nothing

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
// i don't think so.

Have you ever had your heartbroken?
// nothing sooooo serious.

Have you ever been out of the country?
// yeap

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
// haha yesss.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
// uh huh.

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
// nooo.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
// nope. i wouldn't. haha.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
// yes i have.

SEVEN WHO’S:Who was the last person you saw?
// bro.

Who was the last person you texted?
// sp. ha!

Who was the last person you hungout with?
// has to be the agents of the mission. haha.

Who was the last person to call you?
// shaks

Who did you last hug?
// the druggie

Who is the last person who texted you?
// the rapist.

Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?
// same.

SIX WHERE’S:
Where does your best friend live?
// hougang.

Where did you last go?
// erm, to the kitchen.

Where did you last hung out?
// at homeeee. hahah

Where do you go to school?
// the east.

Where is your favorite place to be?
// anywhere fun

Where did you sleep last night?
// on my bed

FIVE DO’S/DOES:
Do you like someone right now?
// yeahhh

Do you think anyone likes you?
// i guess. hahaha

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
// nope.

Do you know the muffin man?
// i want to.

Does the future scare you?
// abit.

FOUR WHY’S:
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
// cos she's so friggin awesomeeeeee.

Why did you get a myspace?
// i dont logon anymore.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
// ask them?

Why are you doing this survey?
// im bored.

THREE IF’S:
If you could have one super power what would it be??
// readin the minds of others.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
// nah. i wouldnt.

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
// how about a plane with a hot hot pilot. hahaha. probably some company la. or my phone

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
// nope.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
// haha tough question! probably.

ONE LAST QUESTION
Are you happy with your life right now?
// indeed

2009-01-30T23:24:00.003+08:00

hello ya'll. the school week has ended once again. the week was pretty short considering the fact the first two days were passed as holidays. and the remaining three long days just ended. i stayed home the entire cny holidays, wokring through an insane pile of homework. how pathetic. however, the high holiday spirit i was in, was brutally killed after some time. but i managed to word things out and it was gooooood thereafter. anyway, cny was spent mostly with the family i think cos i don't at all remember even budging out of the house abit. haha.

the return to school was nice and annoying at the same time. hah. bonding with the dummies was the fun part. at many many places. bubble tea. mac. blah blah. those were on wednesday. shopping with shakina at the mall was immensely fun. laughed like idiots and had cookies like extremely excited kids. haha. i remember that particualr wednesday well. cos i freaking lost my hp pouch. but thank goodness, my phone was busy being used by meat that point. so i lost whatever that was in that pouch execept for the dear dear handphone that i'll be probably be unable to survive without. i lost my damn ez link! i think that was the most important and often used item! i'm struglling paying with coins or adult fare. travelling home costs about 2-3 times the price charged to a student. oh well, carelessness has brought me to this. anyway, i was told that i get cranky. haha. wth. stupid mooseeeeyyy(want me to publicize u more right). what an insult! haha. and i also recall experiencing a very stunning moment. hahaha! sshhhhh.

the sucky part of school had to be the stupid timetable(i'm not used to it!), long hours spent at sch, eye drooping lessons and the impending homework deadlines. and each day i return home too tired to sit down properly for a couple of hours to get my work done. worst of it all, i've got so many extra things on next week. including a damn econs test that no one's allowed to fail. thursday afternoon was spent with the class at hayden's house as a cny gathering over steamboat lunch. but i had to leave halfway cos i was in a desperate search of my bloody f-ing card. haha. and each day had its highlights and its downsides.

by far, today being another friday has been the sex! haha. it started off with a very funny plan. which was then pursued as a mission by namely john, joseph, mary and lamb! ahaha. it felt like some secret agent work. it was freaking hilarious! there were even proposals, briefings and debriefs and discussion sessions and abit of drama produced and obstacles to be overcomed. plus, there codes and short discussions were held in whispers! hahaha all just to supposedly make the scene and setting realistic , believeable and un-questioning. haha. so mary walked her lamb to the set destination after school and joseph was stalking us. and soon after, we were all swept away into a cab asif in some action movie with a driver with thousands of questions on his mind. really funny. and we were headed to a house on what they called a deserted land. haha! so in short, it was a successful mission. wheeeee. and so, today was an awesome awesome and totally fun friday. and stupid dumb "joseph" kept embarassing me! arghhhh! u know who u are. u gonna get it. bewareeeeeeee~ revenge will be sweet. :D

and as i'm typing this, my eyes are closing. so i'm gonna let this go as one of my short posts. and perhaps continue abit tmr. i'm tired. so off i go now.

let's all hope for a good weekend! byeeee.

feels like insomnia.

2009-01-26T23:37:00.003+08:00

Why did you stop loving the last person you loved?
♦ who's that?

Are you usually the heart breaker or the heartbroken?
♦ hah you tell me.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
♦ ermmm, root beer.

How is life going for you right now?
♦ all fineeee:)

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
♦ nope i'm not.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
♦ check my phone, played with my dog and showered! haha.

Do you have a best friend?
♦ oh yes, i sure do.

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
♦ i don't hate. i dislike. well, maybe.

Do you listen to tamil songs?
♦ haha nooo.

Do you own a pair of green pants?
♦ yeh

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
♦ yesssaaaa.

What is your favorite fruit?
♦ i so hate fruits! haha

Is your best friend pretty/handsome?
♦ they are all beautiful in their own ways :)

Do you want someone to forgive you?
♦ not really.

Last alcohol u had:
♦ white wine. barcadi coke. and some champagne i think.

Last drink:
♦ root beeeer.

Last phone call:
♦ moosey. haha

Last text message:
♦ sd .

Last song played:
♦ cookie jar! hah.

Last icecream:
♦ cookies and cream. yummy.

Last time you cried:
♦ dunno man.

Have you ever dated someone your bestfriend likes?
♦ no freaking way.

Have you ever been cheated on?
♦ nopeee.

Is there one person who can make youfeel better no matter what?
♦ yes definitely.

Do you find yourself crushing onsomeone currently?
♦ no.

Have you ever lost someone?
♦ yep i have.

Have you ever been depressed?
♦ i might have felt really down and lousy. but nothing so serious to feel such. too fly to be depressed eh. haha

Do you smile at strangers?
♦ hahaha yeah kinda

What is your pet's name?
♦ rexy! :D

Were you happy when you woke up today?
♦ i think i was.

What is a fact about the last person who texted you?
♦ i know her since nursery!

What are you listening to right now?
♦ i just mentioned that above!

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
♦ uh huh.

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
♦ if u can even look under.

Last night you felt?
♦ good and annoyed all at once. haha

Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?
♦ the child attacker, chandni, the dumbass who disturbs my sleep hah, shaks, sanjeev, anand, bro. many many la!

What are you doing now?
♦ this!

What are your plans for tonight?
♦ supposed to be out at ecp with the cousins but instead, im stuck at home! arghh.

What do you have to do later?
♦ sleep baby sleeeeep!

What do you like to do?
♦ go out. read. tv.

Would you want to change your past?
♦ nahh, it's fine.

the incredibly long weekend's coming to an end! a day more. school gonna start! oh man. i've got piles of work to complete. dreadful. i dont wanna stay home. girlfriend bonding ytd with chandni was extremely fun. missy miss was dating the doggy and the highlight had to be the hole in the shirt! hahaha hilarious. anyway this week, i wanna go shop. i wanna meet the sec sch groupie(i can meet on thursday buddy!=] ). i wanna have my little tubs of sex that comes in the form of B&J ice cream. hahaha. i want friday to arrive fast. i cant wait for saturday night. im off now. hello to the other bestfriend who's gonna read this.

byeeee.

you see i got this problem.

2009-01-25T15:15:00.003+08:00

it's been a long, dreadful week that captured me being moody and not myself most of the time. and sad to say, it's just the second week of school. but the first official week at school, meaning lessons and all. the weeks to come will be as long, as painful and possibly as depressing as this one had been. and i guess it isn't at all like last year where we can still sit down and slack after school for a couple of hours before going home. it's been a drastic change with school ending so very late half the week. and the other couple of days, sch ends early with the piles of homework due before the week ends. so each day, i feel so occupied that i cnt spend quality time with my people. hah. and each day, im so tired and so dreading the long hours, that i feel down and sad that i don't feel like at all talking. plus, it hasn't been good with the company i have everyday since i'm letting out all my frustrations and not being myself and simply not talking. and i do feel very bad about it. so thinking carefully, the weeks aren't gonna be getting any better. as a matter of fact, they are bound to get worse. so i'll just have to learn and make the best out of each day and be normal and happy and not let the tiredness and the depressing mood get in the way at any point in time. and i'm gonna try and keep to that.

this site has been collecting some dust with my infrequent posting like before. i hardly have much time to come and write an entry. cos being me, i tend to have long long entries that take up quite some bit of precious time to type. the week's been killing me. i've been so busy with my weird timetable, with my trainings and tuition and what not. and it's annoying to actually having go through this horrible week with a certain few friends who don't at all seem to understand the reason for my distance and maybe sometimes, coldness and choose to believe the fake words that come out from others' mouths and nail me to the head with accusations that i personally think i dont deserve. on the other hand, things have changed. weren't like before. so it makes it even harder for me to sacrifice some bit of time here and there and travel and spend time. cos things are not the same. and we all very well know things aren't fine. plus, we all have changed in our different ways and unlike last year, i can't be doing things that just have stamped on them useless after being done.

well, i'm warning this is gonna be a long post cos i have a hell lot of unloading to do. i need to pen down my list of frusrations that seem endless. last weekend was quite okay. seemed like a reasonable way to enjoy before school really started. outings and sleepovers with shermaine. it was fun. so monday began with crazy things. and me being and idiot, let out the effects of my bad mood reach others which eventually led to pissed and emo moments. my fault. hah tuesday was abit better with quality bonding which had its own share of events and what not which i had started. but ended again with unpleasant moments i suppose thanks to shock. hahaha mid week was much more heavenly and better. training exhausted me out. excuses i had to cook up got me worrying. and after school journey home, put me in a very positively happy mood. made me feel so relaxed cos it was a torture going through the couple of days at school. thursday was totally screwed with so much disappointments. goodness, it sucked. it was so damn lousy. probably one of the worst days of the week. my stupid actions. hah i didnt mean it. neither did i realize it till much much later. and i felt horrible. friday was the day i was looking forward to. cos at the end of every week, i love to say TGIF. but with the situation, the plans changed. and it just became like the every other day i had. pissing off. after school lunchings plans were good. and the worry started picking up again. but by the end of the night, i felt a whole world lighter! wheeee. hahaa.
immensely crazy week. and poor sick missy missy dini had to suffer the repercussions of my bad mood! ahaha.

the week was painfully long. and it killed me at school when i couldn't do as i wanted and i had to act and pretend. i couldn't be normal like how i wanted to. not at school. and so, it made me unlike myself every single time. sucked. as a result of that feeling, i couldnt bring myself to be all happy high like how i usually am. i couldn't bring myself to talk and to laugh like how i always do. i guess that was why i was in a bad mood the entire week. i wasn't feeling all fine. i caused some unnecessary worry, i know. and all that for wanting school to end early. and needing my sleep. plus wth, p.e's gonna be a chore from now on. how embarassing. im not fit dude. haha.

ytd was meant to put me in much better spirits and make me all happy high once again. but i can say only half the day managed to. somehow, certain events and actions and words totally submerged the mood. just for a while though. anyway, about ytd. it was fun! tuition and then, outing with the amazings. movie at kallang. cookies and donughts for appetizers. haha. and a whole meal and journey back with the lovely. and hours after that spent at changi village with the entire family till midnight. eating, drinking, socializing! i just love my family gatherings, shows how fun the family is. how sporting and hyped up every one is. people i can always run refuge to. ytd was nice in all:)

i was just thinking how fast the month has passed. it's already almost the end of january. and time is gonna fly. before u know it, the major events that i was looking forward to will be over and i'll be sitting down in the exam room writing my answers for the a's. goodness, freaks me out. school's just gonna be more intense. and about the other issues and worry on my mind. i know it'll all come through good with effort. so i will try hard and not let any amount of pressure overwhelm me in any possible way. and now that i feel that things are slowly turning back to normal, i'm going to keep myself all positive. i feel good about this. right now, waiting for the bestfriend to come over. need to get done some bit of studying! so bye ya'll. happy chinese new year! have a good long weekend!

the best of us finds happiness in misery.

2009-01-17T18:42:00.003+08:00

Hello hotties. Haha im back, like finallyyyy! Been what, past 10days? Well, there’s been so much. Things been so hectic for me such that I hardly had any time to come write here. Oh well, the dreadful first week at school is fast over. The topical tests have ended. And I know for sure that I have so badly screwed them up. Not expecting anything good. Yes, thanks to the last minute studying. But I brought it upon myself. So I guess I do deserve it. Other than that, the past week’s been fabulous.

Let’s start from last Wednesday (where I stopped I think), quality bonding with some. Had great fun. Subsequently, the rest of the days were spent studying with occasional nice moments. Like the long long phone calls making me laugh till I cry. Hilarious! Haha and Friday was also good. Studying at school with shaks, watching the match, bubbling thereafter. And the great help from shaks that helped me accumulate my points for physics. Phew! Haha and last Sunday was the family gathering, mum’s side. I simply love my family gatherings. I have them without fail almost every week. Bonding with the dear cousins, aunties, uncles, everyone! I always look forward to them. It actually is wonderful being close to this group of ppl I’ve known since I was born. Anyway, my grandma’s gone to india for months. My maternal grandfather’s been staying here the past week. That put an end to my eventful holidays with so many happenings and updates I dunno where to start. Yeap. And shermaine gave me a few de-stressing visits. Haha.

So school started on Monday, kicking off the term with dumb tests. Bonding sessions where go out of school to eat, quality time spent talkingand studying sessions with the lovelies officially started that day. Haha. Not bad, we actually did productive studying. Wow. Very impressive. And Wednesday was the first bomb of the week. I had physics paper the next day but friends still came over cos I knew the paper was gone. So they came, and we had so much of freaking fun followed by a late lunch after which they left so I could get done some bit of studying. Haha.

Thursday felt like the end of the a’levels. Haha. Sadly, it was only the end of the dreadful topical tests. I had major catching up with shel that day after ages. Hah after which, I spent the entire afternoon with shakina. At school after chem practical and then to tamp mall. Fun fun fun, really! We were crazy. Lol:) and Thursday night was spent at serangoon gardens with missy missy chandni. We had prata and then roaming around, buying stuff and then took a long walk out. I love that place! Been going there since I was a little kid. I kinda grew up there. Always walking there from yio chu kang with the neoghbours or family for the good food or ice cream. It’s so freaking cosy! Sad to think they gonna do away with it this year and build a supposedly equally cosy MALL. Wth. Haha.

And ytd was Friday! And just like almost every other Friday, it was the sex! Hahaha. I woke up so damn early although I had no sch. Shak came over in the morning! Wow. Hahah we got ready and went to marina sq. met the two clowns after being there for like 20mins cos they were shopping! Goodness! Haha. We had lunch at billy bombers. Good food, huge ass servings! And I had a challenge and so I accomplished it. I finished my huge plate of food. Proved them all wrong. I CAN EAT! fighting for milkshakes, bring clumsy, hahaha. funny. After which was the movie, seven pounds. I didn’t understand the movie until the end. Aiyo. Thought of it as stupid but after understanding, it wasn’t so bad. Back home to get shak’s things and then to the east. Basically, I spent my whole day out since morning. But it was amazingly fun. Haha! One of the best days ever. of the year? Haha. I wonder when the next time will come.

I’ve got so much more I wanna say. My thoughts scare me sometimes. The way I think. The way I imagine. Hah things are so different for me. I don’t think I can handle all these rubbish being thrown at me from all possible directions much longer. nor keep up the act much more. What’s wrong with people. Words. Ouch. Assumptions. Gossips. Lies. I dunno what else to say. why bother, why care. Arghh. Friends it seems. Whatever. Suddenly, secondary school seems like a good a run away to. Haha. I miss those people! Oh man. Hopefully, I get to meet asyraf and pretiv next week or something:)

So im off now. To serangoon gardens yet again! Wheeeeee. Ice cream love baby. Ciao sexys.

Who holds your heart at the moment?
* me, myself and i. haha

Are your parents over the age of 40?
* yepp

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
* yesssa. cousins actually.

What is your favorite kind of weather?
* windy and abit gloomy with abit of sun. hah ok?

What is your favorite color shirt to wear?
* all of them

What are you looking forward to in the next 5 days?
* next friday!

Who do you look up to the most, your mom or your dad?
* both

Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
* hahaha, yes.

What shoes did you wear today?
* havent worn any as of yet.

Do you like hugs?
* uh huh. i do.

Last person you hugged?
* sd

Are you a loud person?
* or so they say. im both la.

Are you ready to get out of this town?
* nopeee!

When was the last time you went shopping?
* hmmm, i window shopped ytd with shak. does that count?

Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
* definitely man!

Are you wearing any jewelry?
* my earstuds.

Are you scared of bugs?
* certain ones

Do you read?
* yeah, quite a bit.

Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
* no.

How old do you want to be when you have kids?
* ??

Last time you ate cereal?
* cnt recall when

Did you kiss anyone in the last two days?
* uh huh

Been spending time with any particular person?
* yesssa, i have .

Where would you like to live?
* im fine with where i am.

Are you a fast typer?
* i dont think so. ok i guess

Are you listening to music right now?
* i am.

What makes you mad?
* depends.

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
* hmm. some shade of brown perhaps?

What was your LAST alcoholic drink?
* barcadi coke. white wine.

Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
* erm has to be my aunty.

Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them?
* chandni in nursery(she was so grumpy and such a bully then!) haha and yes she still remains the bestfriend till now.

Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
* many people.

What was the first thing you did this morning?
* replied a text message.

What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
* dunno.

When was your FIRST detention?
* in sec one. cnt rmb why.

who was your FIRST roommate?
* never had a proper one.

In 3 months do you think you will be in a relationship?
* hah!

Say something about the person you miss right now.
* amazing :)

live your life.

2009-01-07T18:36:00.003+08:00

Hey ya'll. the new year has been going tremendously awesome. im so occupied with so many things, plans and outings. so 2009 is going well thus far, let's hope it keeps at this. the second of the year was pure lovely. lunch and movie with the other three at tampines. after which was shopping at bugis with dear shakina. major bonding. bought dresses. polka dots and just some ordinary one. haha. and dinner with chandni and her ram at hougang was also good. great time i had that day. super fun.

saturday was all about shopping with the bro cos he needed my taste in fashion! hahaha. and the evening was totally about hats and polka dots. yeah, that was the theme at shalu's 21st. amazing night! dancing, drinking(oops), eating, socializing, talking, gossiping. the weekend was rather family involved. grandma flew off to india on sunday. for months i think. and the past couple of days was spent studying at home for the damn exams next week. so much to study. havent started for like 3subjects. and i only have 5. wth, so screwed. so this whole week and next will be spent mugging intently. i dont have a choice. hah. and today was terrific. ok i think i had better go get ready for tuition. maybe little secrets will exposed from next week onwards. we shall see. wont be blogging for quite some time! ciao hotties.

[THE WHOS]
1. Who was the last person in the room with you?
♦ beast

2. Who is the last person to text you?
♦ same

3. Whose house did you last go to?
♦hmm, would have to be shalu's.

4. Who was the last person you told you love them?
♦ the thief.

[THE WHATS]
5. What was the last thing you ate?
♦ burger from mac.

6. What was the last thing you did?
♦ glanced at my notes.

7. What color pants are you wearing?
♦ black shorts.

8. What is the closest item near you that is blue?
♦ my pen.

9. What are you wearing on your feet?
♦my feet's bare.

10. What instant messaging service do you use?
♦MSN

11. What is your favorite website?
♦ quite a few

12. What is your favorite pair of shoes?
♦ all of them!

13. What do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants?
♦ jeans

14. What is the last movie watched?
♦ father's day.

15. What do you currently hear right now?
♦ cookie jar

[THE WHENS]
16. When is your birthday?
♦ 14th sep

17.When did you last go to the mall?
♦ been some time. no wait, saturday.

18. When did you last buy a new pair of pants?
♦ long time ago!

19. When did you last take a shower?
♦ this morning.

[THE WHERES]
20. Where is your favorite place to be?
♦ depends on the company

21. Where is your phone?
♦ right here

22. Where is your mom?
♦ work

23. Where do you sleep?
♦ on my bed, duh.

24. Where do you shop the most?
♦ everywhere!

25. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
♦ a soccer game.

26. Where in your house are you?
♦ my room.

27. Where was your default picture taken?
♦ at shalu's.

[THE WHY'S]
28. Why did you fall in love with the one you love or have loved?
♦ for every single reason.

29. Why does, basically, half the world have friendster?
♦ u tell me.

30. Why did you pick your user name?
♦ cos its my name. hah

31. Why did you pick your background?
♦ i like blueeee.

want you to be the one and my only. cooooookie jarrrrr. =]

2009-01-01T17:06:00.001+08:00

happy new year world! a big hello to the much awaited 2009(ok not really). the very memorable and crazy 2008 is finally over. and so, we have entered the new year which can't be as bad as the previous year. neither can it be better. contradicting eh. yeah, the year's gonna be way more insane as i turn 18. so let's just sit back and be taken for a ride on this roller coaster of a year which i assume will be.all we can do is hope for the best.

it was the first time i was allowed to spend new year without the family. it was awesome fun. countdown where we danced the last few moments of 2008 away. thinking abt it, i was laughing and enjoying every minute of my partying. but now, it seems scary. cos 2008 just flew by. and we have this whole new year to get through. time just zooms pass. im growing up. my age is adding on. im gonna be legal soon. what this year holds for me really scares me. as much as i wanna take one day at a time, i cant help but wonder.

so my last day of the year didnt just include the countdown. i spent alot of the day with people who mattered the most to me. my very good friends. i couldnt meet the bestfriend since she was busy. but three of the sixies came to my place in the morning and we all had hell of a good time. this time it was different. it was awesome really. and it didnt end there when it was time for them to leave. we went to anand's house which followed by lunchings at bedok with muz and shak. it was niceeee. i have to say that it was one of the best ways to end 2008 with a bang.

my first day of the year is being spent home, slacking away. not good. i just made a whole list of new year resoutions. hopefully, i either follow or fulfil them. hahaha. and it starts with studying tonight. i have to for the upcoming exams. yepp, no distractions for the next week or so i have planned. ha. but tomorrow's gonna be one of the last few days for me to enjoy. im gonna meet shakina and shop for my party needs on saturday. wheeeeee. intensive muggin officially begins next week. no choice. boohoo .

off i go right now, to start on some studying. byeeeeee.

oh hot damn, this is my jam.

2008-12-31T21:21:00.003+08:00

EIGHT Lasts.
1. Last alcohol u had?
- erm, margarita from the restaurant. sick.

2. Last beverage:
- waterrrrr

3. Last phone call:
- mum:)

4. Last text message:
- dear dear shermaine

5. Last song played:
- sexy love

6. Last icecream:
- hot fudge sundae from macs this afternoon

7. Last time you cried:
- cnt remember man.

8. Last meal:
- havent had a proper meal for the day

EIGHT Have You’s.
1. Have you ever dated someone ur bestfriend likes?
- no freakin way

2. Have you ever been cheated on?
- not really. haha

3. Have you ever bought condoms?
- haha no

4. Is there one person who can make youfeel better no matter what?
- yea there are. many

5. Do you find yourself crushing onsomeone currently?
- it aint called crushing dude.

6. Have you ever lost someone?
- uh huh

7. Have you ever been depressed?
- at a particular point in time, i might have felt that way.

8. Do you smile at strangers?
- sometimes.

RANDOM:
1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
- yeap i guess

2. what is your pet's name?
- rexy

3. How many people have you kissed in 2008?
- i didnt keep count. hah!

4.Were you happy when you woke up today?
- yeh i was.

5. What is a fact about the last person who texted you?
- she's a gem of a person .

6. Do you hate the last person you kissed?
- i don't.

7. What are you listening to right now?
- sexy love

8. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
- yep. but thinking about it, they probably knew. haha.

9. What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
- u cnt look under it.

10. Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?
- the lovely humans

11. Ever been kissed in a moving vehicle?
- uh huh

12. You're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
- either that i'm in deep thoughts or i just don't feel like talking. possibly angry/irritated/upset.

13. Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
- nahh

14. Last time you laughed?
- earlier in the day.

15. Do you regret anything from your past?
- i might have at times, but looking at it now, no.

16. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
- depends. haha. nooo.

17. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
- nope

18. Last argument?
- cnt remember. not in a long time.

19. Plans for weekends?
- parties and some bit of studyin, hopefully.

20. Excited for anything?
- yeah, the whole new year

21. Do you like to cuddle?
- yeah

23. Do you hate when people smoke around you?
- i do. but i get used to it after some time.

24. Who was the last boy you chat with?
- chat? has to be saileesh

25. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
- muz and shaks

26. Do you have any plans for today?
- oh yes. serangoon garderns. clarke quay. watchin the fireworks. and maybe to holland village after that

27. Do you plan on moving out next?
- no!

28. Are you 18?
- i will be the next birthday. oh wow.

29. Does the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?
- who?

30. What did you do last night, with who?
- i was cleaning my room by myself. and then to pp with momma and on the phone with the sexy. haha. yeh, thats it.

you make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up with just one touch.

2008-12-30T23:23:00.004+08:00

hello ya'll! it's the 30th of december! oh goodness, a day before nye. the second last day of the year. and it also happens to be the birthdays of two precious cousins, shalini and arvind. the day's almost over but im still blogging at this hour. haha. cos i've got so much to write about. it's been an incredible week i have to say. i managed to get back from kl like 5days early with the dear uncles, aunties and cousins who all sacrificed abit by squeezing in for a 5hour car ride so that i could sit in. honestly, i didnt wanna go to kl initially. but i managed to overcome the body's opposition and let myself go to this foreign land but with familiar faces. and i'm glad i went. cos i had a smashin time. plus, i actually wanted to stay till the 1st. but to avoid any controversies that i could have started, i decided to keep my mouth shut and just come back. and it's been good here the past couple of days as well:)

so kl trip began last wednesday. christmas eve. we left at 6friggin30 in the morning and reached pj(the houses) at 1pm with an hour spent at a&w while we were on our way there. our usual greetings with the family there and catchin up soon began. lunch and off we went to town, some of us. since the roads would have had heavy traffic, we decided to travel by the monorail which was niceee. but abit scary. haha. bonding and talkin while walking the lengths of towns and roaming the floors of the few shopping malls and at the really cosy coffee bean . we returned home in the evening at around 7pm. and we jumped into the cars again and off we headed to the megamall. tradition to always go there ah. we didnt get any rest so we all super beat by the time we came back past 10 at night.

the highlight of christmas day had to be the dinner party at one aunt's house. dinner. total camwhoring(haha). talking. awesome desert. playing taboo with all the cousins. extreme fun man. haha. no one wanted to leave. eventually, we did to go see xmas lightings at sunway lagoon.

the next day, friday was spent having breakfast at a restaurant, shopping with uncle, aunt, cousin and grandma. and off we left to port dickson that afternoon. packed everything into like 6cars. haha. i loved how we always travelled as a huge group. and so at port dickson, we began the stay there by packing everything into the two huge penthouses we got. and beach trekking and jungle climbing thereafter which involved many photo taking sessions. haha. dinner at some seafood restaurant and back to sleep.

saturday was most eventful and traumatizing. oh my. never would i forget what happened on that fateful day ever. for the rest of my life. all the youngsters began the day with breakfast and mass uno game after that. finally, we all headed down to the beach for our picnic and banana boat rides together with the adults. it all started off good. but ended with panic and left us all traumatized and with a deep impression and phobia of banana boats. the image of the speed boat racing towards everyone. oh goodness, i dont think i wanna recount the drama that unfolded that day here. si we decided to change the fearful mood with a good lunch and with an awesome bowling game in which everyone participated in! everyone! hahaha. extremely hilarious, entertaining and i darsay, competitive. followed by dinner.

and sunday was the last day i had to spend in msia for the year. breakfast started the day. and then, go karting which stunned me for awhile. haha. i crashed while trying to race the cousin who got a huge headstart cos her car was ready before mine was certified to be able to be driven. so yeah. let;s not talk about that. hahaa. and lunch followed that event with many impromptu speeches and all. damn heartwarming. and before i knew it, i was already in the car heading back to spore. man, how i wish i was there alongside everyone who are there, having a blast partying the year away. oh well, consequences of my actions. haha. but im hoping to celebrate the beginning of 2009 with a bang. let's hope it happens.

so yes, kl was indeed eventful. as much as i had an incredible amount of fun as always, i learnt alot during this trip. like how close my family is and how we all are always there for another and should treasure one another enormously and not take anything for granted. to live life as it comes and to be grateful for each thing and each day i have. the incident on saturday taught me to value my life and to make the best out of it each day cos u'll know when it's time for u to go. that too, hopefully with honour and satisfaction. and i found myself being thankful for the life im living and for the days im kept breathing. really.

anyway, 2008 is ending. seems like the year just started. i've got so much to write about 2008. but i'd like to save that entry for the last day of the year, that meaning tmr. hopefully, i'll find some time to do it. actually, i gotta do it. but in any case, just the summary. the year has been extremely eventful. filled with ups and downs. it is very unlike other years, previous years. in fact, i have to admit, it's been the craziest year i ever had. never had i such an hectic, troublesome, confusing, complicated year which was all the more fun and amazing at the same time. it feels as though the year has just started. asif i was our of secondary school just ytd. and spending my hols going out and meeting up with the buddies. hahaa. and soon, i got my results and got posted to a sch which was half the world away from home. which i wasnt pleased with to walk through the gates each day. but slowly but truly, i started enjoyin school(excpet the lessons part. im talking social life here. haha). i started loving the amazing people, friends i met. schoolmates that i lost contact with over the years reappeared. friendships re-surfaced. travelling home was a chore. waking up also. the massive pile of homework i had each day to do after returning home at night after long days at school. remedials. returning to school on saturdays. teachers i disliked. teachers i loved, all i met. june holidays wasted slacking. failing my mid years terribly. meeting diff groups of people after that. people i liked and whom i started hanging out with. school meetings that was out of curriculum time was spent with a few precious ones. and how things changed from the end of june. how my life changed. how i became oh so vulnerable and affected by certain someones and doings. how i started thinking so much and tried my best to get things to work out and at the same time, avoid and keep a safe distance. but ended up screwing things so bad. how hard i tried to make things up. everything i realize after talking. to not hide my feelings and talk openly. to not filter my thoughts so as not to offend. truth may hurt but it also happens to be part of the best words to come out of one's mouth or so i learnt. i learnt to be strong and to fight whatever that stood in my way to get what i wanted. i did, and i won at the end of the battle. it might have taken long but i still did it. i dunno if im making sense to anyone, but i am to myself. and then before i knew it, i turned 17. omg. wow. huge! celebrated it many a times with diff groups of people. but all of whom, i love. and then, holidays began with a bang. i had so much of fun. so many things i did that i'd love to mention but i won't now. basically, just amazing meetings and going out plans with so many ppl. niceee. plus, i did alot alot alot of shopping. hahaha. project work was a pain in the neck. how we all stayed up and struggled with it. good to know that has already ended. one particular highlight had to be the india trip which i signed up with the lovely friends. it's huge. haha. and how the end of year season would always incorporate major family bonding and quality time with many family gatherings and trips. traditions or so. haha. how the new addition to the family(the little doggy) made the home a more sweeter place. everything this year has changed me in a way i guess. and not all change is bad. it's all part of growing up. so let's hope we all have embraced the good changes that have evolved us into better humans and learn from the bitter experiences. so i have learnt a million things with the people who have left my life in whichever possible way and also from those who entered it and left big impressions. 2008 has been amazing. it's scary to let the year just go like that and to get taken for a ride in 2009 which i assume would be crazier. hahaa. thinkin abt it, im gonna be legal next year. wow. time flies, doesnt it. and yes, it does. cos i just realize i've been blogging for an hour. it's been a long post. i think i should give my fingers a break right now. so off i go.

have a smashin new year all! holla! :)

the best of us finds happiness in misery.

2008-12-23T23:07:00.012+08:00

it's past 11 in the night. but i'm here posting cos i'm off to kl tmr morning. i am in no mood to go. i wanna be right here. . oh man. but we all know these few days will fly by and before i know it, i'll be back. however, i'm worried. worried cos things just turned better ytd. and now running off for bout a week with hardly any communication cos i'll be kept busy and it'll also be too expensive to make contact might make things weird again. but aint gonna stop me. i've finally started to open up. and it ought to stay that way. yesterday was just oh-so magical. really. wanted to tear up and walk away. hah.

oh well, i can't wait to get pissed high in msia. woohoo! so today started off with me going back to sleep after every single disturbance. eventually, i woke up late. met shelveeeeeeen after ages near her place. over lunch. talked. haaha. but i had to leave after that. and running errands after that near the old place and shoe shopping at bishan with chandni and ice cream therapy at the macs there. it was all good. came back about 5. been doing stupid things. and the rest of the evening was spent packing away. i'm almost done. just last minute dumping of clothes into the luggage in the morning and im ready to go. hahaha. well, idea of posting tonight. pictures i've owed for decades(hee). off to watch gossip girl! enjoy~

my weakness is you.

2008-12-23T01:20:00.001+08:00

hey sexys. haha. ok, i only have approximately 15minutes to post this. so i've been going out every single day without fail and doing things i love the most. so in simple words, my pre-kl trip is a blast! i've been having way too much of fun to suddenly feel like going to somewhere so far, in another country to have fun also. haha. anyway, i decided to post tonight since im most probably gonna be hard pressed for time tmr. im leaving wednesday early morning, that's why.

so shopping with mummy last thursday was great, got a few tops. a really nice grey dress. all paid for. hahaha. that's why i love shopping with her. but not the right reasons. hahaa. well, she's got good taste. so yes, it was all good. plus, i havent shopped with her in quite some time. so thursday's outing was a mini bonding session for the both of us cos we had dinner thereafter. i like:)

thursday night took a toll for the worse from the time i got home. stories after stories. info after info. the events that night affected me quite badly. i mean, it's the same old story, just slightly worse. lies being spoken once again to hide the truth from friends. and friends sharing the stories and making small exposures. trust being strained. the million questions asked and repeated proved so. everything was just terrible that very night. and with all that, came along pissed conversations with snide rude remarks and statements made. and that was just about all i really needed after days and nights of non-stop drama and pretence to let it all come crashing on me. i couldnt handle it. so there i was all night, weak and sleepless after that breakdown that i dont think i deserved.

friday was my fateful rescue from the best friend. i ran to chandni's house to spend the day with her. cos she's the best person to always be around with in good and bad times. so we talked and talked. used the com. watched tv shows, tried unsuccessfully to watch movies, her nice dance performance, my mini fashion show, eating her super sweet chocolates and our ultimate gift wrapping competition. freaking fantastic. she supposedly won la. hahaha but i did better;p and after that, small scale shopping at hougang mall to buy necessities! hahaa. but the day was pretty much spent sickly. the nose was running like a river and the throat was hurting so bad. saturday was spent sleeping the medicines away.

prayers at laveen's place on sunday morning. the usual one. the same old feeling. aiyo. i dont wish to elaborate about that. but the night before i stayed over there. and laveen was a gem i tell you. never in his life has been so nice to me. taking care of me. checking in on me on the room. lending me his lappy. making sure i went to sleep. offered to bring me out. offered to buy me anything i wanted. allowing to do transfers. and i can go on and on and on. he never was so nice. he's the bully, always kicking me around and being so freaking mean. so it was a good difference:) plus, he got his driver's license. i got to sit in the car with him and get a ride. hahaha. not bad i must say. so there u go. another cousin to be able to drive. the other day, dear dear rajiv gave me a taste of his car riding skills. also impressive. and all of a sudden, i have that huge urge. i wanna get my license. need to! totally can't wait.

and the feelings and thoughts i have been having the past few days was killing me slowly. it was hard to get through the day easily. but today, it was put at ease. haha. so today was really good. met muz, shaks at tamp. went safra. bowled. mr.a came. bowled more. hahaha not bad at all. damn fun. i had a great time. and the after long bus rides were wonderful. haha. so yes, i met them before im gonna leave. good thing. and tmr, so many plans. probably gonna meet shel. and go out with missy missy dini and so many errands to run! goodness! the flu bug is still haunting me. but aint gonna dampen the spirit. so off i go now, to read before i sleep. night ya'll!

cry me a river.

2008-12-18T14:33:00.002+08:00

i'm so bored here. im supposed to spend the day gymming and studying. but i haven't. makes me feel guilty. my actions and doings of late have caused me quite some guilt. oh man. and the plans for the next two weeks are starting to scare me. starting to get me worried. i needa work my way through. i have to. i need to sit down and come up with my own plans! hah! i feel like a criminal. okok, so here's what i do when i'm bored.. sighs! more of this to come today, watch out!

What did you go to bed thinking about last night?
* about the events that occured during the day.

When was the last time you laughed a lot?
* yesterday at home and when i was out with the dear dear bf(bestfriend - chandni)

Any drama in your life?
* u wouldn't wanna know.

When was the last time you had a real smile on your face?
* always!

Do you have any close friends of the opposite sex?
* yesssa

What do you think about hippos?
* nothing?

Your thoughts on mohawks?
* only some people can pull of the hairstyle i guess.

Do you have a crazy side?
* everyone does.

Have you ever kissed someone at school?
* hah. tell me about it.

Do you have unlimited texting?
* thank goodness, yes!

What was the last thing someone borrowed from you?
* a top.

What color is the closest doorknob?
* silver. it's metal.

Currently listening to anything?
* i hate this part - pcd

Do you own anything embarrassing?
* maybe! aahahaa

Have you ever sat on a rooftop and just stared at the stars?
* soon hopefully.

What was the last drink you had?
* water

What's on ur mind?
* so many things.

Currently craving anything?
* i'm not hungry at all .

Do you want to thank anyone?
* errr. i guess

Do you need to clean your room?
* yes i definitely need to.

What was the last thing you said you'd do, but didn't?
* study! hahaha.

In the past month, have you gained weight, lost weight, or stayed the same?
*stayed the same.

What's on your Christmas wish list this year?
* quite a number of things.

Favorite hair color on the opposite sex?
* depends.

Are you constantly texting?
* uh huh. that's bad! but im slowing down.

Do you go to church?
* used to. i will soon.

What's the closest pink object to you?
* the plastic bag from mango.

Do you recycle?
* not really.

What was the last gift you received?
* the gift set my dad got me from korea.

Are you hungry?
* nope.

Have you ever had a mouse in your house?
* never. oh wait, there was a rat in the old house once. haha.

Who was the last male you hugged ?
- a

Do you know any boyfriend/girlfriend snatcher ?
- erm, that's abit harsh.

Who talks about you behind your back ?
- people who probably dislike me?

Who treats you like a princess ?
- nobody. haha i dont wish to be treated like one.

Who do you currently love alot ?
- my bfs. hahaha.

How many contacts do you have in your MSN ?
- many. abt 400

What are the nicknames you have ?
- im not writin them here!

What is the song you're listening to now ?
- got money

Who disturbs you alot nowadays ?
- the usuals. haha.

Where was the last place you went to?
- townnnnnn

Where will you celebrate your 18th birthday ?
- club please?

Do you have more male or female contacts in your handphone ?
- a good balance of both i think

How many people are there online in your MSN ?
- too lazy to count man.

Who was the last three person who you sent comment to ?
- chandni, karhong and roshan.

What is beside you now ?
- everything!

Who was the last person you cursed in your heart ?
- nobody.

Who was the last person you told that you miss them?
- bfs. hahaha!

Which side of gang do you support ?
- and what are these sides?

What are you currently waiting for ?
- days where im gonna be out!

What are you strongest subjects ?
- math.

What are your weakest subjects ?
- erm. probably chem.

Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend ?
- go figure=]

What is the one song you always listen to nowadays ?
- i listen to many songs.

What do you usually take for breakfast ?
- dont eat breakfast.

Which of your friends does your mother know ?
- erm, chandni, shermaine, the whole sixies grp, pretiv, and quite a number more.

Plans for this week ?
- go out! go out! go out baby!

What are you waiting for ?
- i myself dunno.

What is your msn nick ?
- preeti - let me do that dirty dance with you.

What is your display picture ?
- me with a can.

thought that we were stronger.

2008-12-18T02:02:00.001+08:00

hello ya'll. been an amazing week. suddenly when it's almost time to get my ass out of singapore, plans are starting to materialize. i've been having too much of fun to actually be able to stay home for an entire day and not go out. wow. what's worrying is that i havent studied! and i'm off to kl in less than a week. i can't possibly be studying my ass off there cos the days to be spent at kl are gonna be a promised blast where i'll be having a smash of a time to sit down still for a couple of hours maybe and make love with the notes. haha. damn. SOS! i need to start studying!

so the sexy week has been filled with fantastic outings. shopping at town with dini last wednesday where i got a couple of tops and all at good prices. and the day after, bonding at home with the sixies over casual fun, swimming, relaxing in the jacuzzi and dinner. terrible fun. love it when they come over. they never fail to make my day. it's really good that we still keep in contact and meet regularly now that it's the holidays. glad things are fine actually.

anyway, met the dear dear shermaine a couple of times. shopping with her at town and bugis too. bought so many things! tops, dresses, skirts. whatever, got them all. so kl trip's gonna be a fashion show ah. hahaha. well, spent quite alot on just shopping for clothes for the week. but it's all good. end of year season's here. time to update the wardrobe and mega sales which allow u to get more things!:D haha. shopping for xmas gifts and what not for people who matter alot aint easy at all. it's exhausting! drains the life and energy out of me. can't seem to get something presentable and worth and nice. annoying. i mean after wandering into a zillion shops over a range of days, i finally got something decent ytd to present after minutes or maybe an hour of precious time was spent at the plc with maine who was much of a great help! phew! but that gift too was just for one person. got a list more of ppl to get gifts for. it's scaring me since the days are counting down. that one thing i bought which costed a bomb gets so many thoughts running into my head. oh man.

sunday was spent doing up my organizer, shopping yet again and with the visit and drive from the dear old brothers who always are clowning around made the day all the more fun. my own brother's been quite some help too. going around with me to bishan and to amk to shop. haha. siblings bonding it seems. haha! never. company from bro's friend and shopping again at town with dini which was absolute fun and some quality time spent with sexy before that was all awesome. i had a great time today in fact. and i think i can safely look forward to more such days. but tmr's got a whole other dimension. gonna be spent studying and gymming, i sincerely hope! hahaa. so many plans for the week. so many things i wanna let out right here right now. but my dad has just got home after his 8days trip to korea. so off i go now. update tmr maybe! holla!

come just a lil bit closer

2008-12-09T22:20:00.001+08:00

i've got so much on my mind to unload in this post. so the disclaimer warns that it might be a long one. so first things first, i've still been lazing around at home. with my ass settled in the same old places. not been studying. not been gymming. not been going out much. oh man, this sucks big time. i know im not gonna be studying till i enjoy properly. i'm so so lazy to go gymmit. ha and the only thing i wanna do is to go out. but i myself don't really know the reason as to why i'm at home.

lately, i've been bumping into many many ex schoolmates that i hardly ever get to meet or never meet since i graduated. and it indeed feels really good cos u knw that all these people are friends. and to see them smiling at u feels warm. it shows they still remember u. and then u start thinking back to all the times u spent with them. little or alot but it made school hell lot more fun and meaningful. so the last friday, i went to meet afifah to pass her the kebaya and i ended up seeing fikri and tracie as well. plus, i got to see kc perform outside cineleisure man. haha. and on saturday, i bumped into fazlee on the bus. i had a short good catching up time with him. the next night, sunday night that is, i saw hoonsiang wandering around serangoon gardens. and today, i bumped into layyen. nice nice. it's good:)

u know, i've got a whole list of to-dos this holidays that im still working on. i've got quite a few people i wanna spend time with these holidays. but none of the plans seem to be materializing. pisses me off. ok maybe not. i have been going out. for instance, friday night's bbq at town and old neighbours gathering at sgoon gardens where we had some deelish ice cream. haha. and saturday was spent at tampines having bestfriend bonding session with muz. and tuition thereafter. followed by a smashing family gathering at one of the houses to celebrate darshi's 21st with nice food, cake and alcohol. hahahaha! plus, i met new ppl. had a good time socializing. and today was spent out also. chem meeting with zhen wei and wei xuan where we actually got things done. and meeting with three of the sixies, namely muz, niks, anand. lunchings at long john's. caught four christmases. hilarious movie! hahaha and walking around, playing truth under some random void deck. crazy. but it was nice to my otherwise somewhat boring days. hah. mini family dinner with ordered pizza and what not. not bad.

next, people are starting to scare me. my friends i mean. from the way they talk, the way they react and even the way they are. it's funny cos they surprise and shock me with certain actions that don't at all seem like something they would do. in other words, sometimes i dunno who these people are. cos they hide, they change. they just aren't themselves at times. it's scary cos these people are my friends. and there's the trust factor in between all of these. thus, it makes it harder to talk to them, to open up, to just be around with them. i want them to be true in all sense but i guess people tend to be guarded. and not let many ppl or much come in cos they worry. it's sort of worse when there's so much of poltics in the sense of bitching, gossiping, flirting and all going on. it's insane. so i dont wanna force anything or what, but it's hard really. and it doesn't just work one way. cos when that happens, even i don't dare let them in. and im guilty of it also. i dunno why but since entering jc, i've been alot more guarded. i admit readily. it might be cos of the ppl and how things are different from sec school. how ppl talk. how ppl dislike or hate without even enquiring and bothering to talk things out. maybe that's why. if i remember, i wasn't as quiet as i am now with the awesome sec sch friends. im scared, yes. i dunno how to resolve this. everytime, i try to be open, nothing comes out of the mouth. and i guess i might have made it hard for ppl to come talk to me. im learning slowly. i just have to remember that i am entitled to my own opinion, to say whatever i want.

and right now, im feeling the heat from all directions. the people who matter so much. im getting caught up in this mess once again. but this time, it's involving me. cause' at this point of time, i am somewhat living in this world full of lies. im totally living a lie. this huge ass lie that i can't seem to get out off. cos each time i have to hide and not speak the truth. i dont have an option. it has to be this way for a while. but with this one lie, comes million other lies that i speak to the people around me. the truth will eventually come out. when that happens, i can expect certain reactions. i can foresee the bad of it all. and i dont wanna live the consequences of ppl talking trash or merely giving trouble. it isn't what i want. next year's already gonna be tough. but this will make it tougher. so im so caught up in this drama and act that i am trying to upkeep. to not let show anything. however, this act and all will catch up with me. that's why i've been thinking. i might be prepared to talk about it all. but circumstances dont permit as such. so i'm just hoping time slows down abit. cos i need most of the holidays to sort it out. since im probably gonna be away for 8days or so during end of december. man. i dunno if all that made sense. maybe not cos i didnt reveal the situation. hah but i just had to let it out.

retail therapy tmr with dini would probably do me some good. after some time, i think i need some new things in my wardrobe. i've got a list of clothes and what not that i wanna buy. hope to get them tmr. daddy-o flying off tmras well. think i'll go to the airport since i've got netball training at school tmr that i have already decided to go for but now there are second thoughts in my head and i'm contemplating if to attend or not. heh.

so i think i better go now before i start ranting even more. cos that's what i tend to do. ha might have been a disturbing post that didnt quite make sense for some. i apologize. but oh well, ciao.

i can be ur addiction if u wanna get hooked on me.

2008-12-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

it's friday again! like finally. i have recovered mostly but im still stuck at home with absolutely nothing to do. my butt is glued to the chair with me always staring at the monitor or watchin tv. i'm not doing anything productive. neither am i having fun, enjoying myself. i need to go out or find something worthy of my time. the past two weeks after india have been mainly spent at home. i can't believe it. it's the freaking holidays man! wth am i doing, sitting and lazing around at home. i think i've only been out a couple of times. to places nearby for short periods. annoying shit. i've got so many things on my mind that i wanna do these holidays cos next year's gonna be tough and a million times more stressful and busy for me as compared to this year. but i dunno why im doing nothing about finding soemthing to do. if that made sense, yes. i mean it. haha

plus my homework load's piling and piling. tuitions have resumed or gonna resume real soon. i need to get started on my studies and start studying for my exams that i have to sit for as soon as school starts. and that means, the very first day of school next year. how stupid. and it just isnt normal class tests that only incorporate a few chapters. there are like dozens of chapters to study for. and the best part, most of them were taught during lectures after promos. and i was too busy having fun, skipping these lectures with the dear sixies. i have not one clue about these topics. oh man, help me please. haha i dont have the mood to start studying. basically cos i dont think i enjoyed the holidays enough yet. not enough to allow me to sit down and study peacefully. i only had one week of fun. and thats it. nothing more than that. i have yet to keep my end of the bargain with my parents. ahhhh!

well, i've got so much on my mind. especially since the year is ending. my mind is wandering in dozens of directions. as always. but now, it's alot more at ease. i've just been thinking about my first year in college. man, it's been hell crazy! how things change. how people change. how minds change. how we all have changed aims and goals. how we get what we want and lose things at the same time. how friends go from being the closest to not or hardly talking. it's crazy really. honestly, i think i have changed a great deal comparing myself now to the time i entered school. i dunno if it's for the better. maybe. maybe not. but i guess it's all part of growing up. ha! funny how things have changed for me.

and and and, i think im going to kl end of december. for maybe a week. right up from christmas eve to new year's. im somehwat excited. for a few reasons, part of me wants to stay here and not go. but it's kl we're talking about. i can never say no to that place. cos each time, i'd return feeling so energized, so happy, so much at ease. the people there, the dear dear cousins take away all the stress, the tension, the troubles, the worries. everything! it always happens. i always return after having a smashing time. i know it will be so this time around also. there's nothing surprising about it. cos there are so many plans already. port dickson. high time with two of my lovelies. hahaha but i wanna be here also. cause night of christmas eve is usually spent at church. and this year, i have plans to go with missy missy chandni to church since my parents finally allow. and there's a friend's party a few days after christmas. plus new year's can be spent here. with the entire family chilling and partying at one of the houses or at holland village like most years. the last time i spent new year's away was ages ago. but that too with the enitre entire family at holiday bungalows in m'sia. and i'll miss the people here also. hahaha. so im still half decided.

anyway right now, i gotta go get ready for a bbq. need to find tuition also! pfft. off i go,
bye sexys.

u change my whole life.

2008-11-28T11:46:00.002+08:00

1)Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
` yes definitely.

2)You're trapped in a room for 3 days with your ex, what do you do?
` nothing. just talk.

3)You're stuck on an elevator with the person you've fallen the hardest for, what do you do?
` it shan't be exposed. haha let that happen.

4)Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
` a

3)Who was the last person you cried in front of?
` no one i think. i dont like to cry in front of ppl.

4)Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
` nahh

5)Have you heard a song that reminds you of anyone today?
` not turned on the music yet

6)Has someone ever made a promise to you and broken it?
` surely.

7)Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
` uh huh.

8)Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
` yes i have.

9)Does anyone hate you?
` not that i know of. oh maybe.

10)Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
` nope

11)Do you currently have a hickey?
` hahah. damn hell yeah.

12)Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
` i suppose so.

13)When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
` im strong dude.

14)Do you believe that you can change for someone?
` yeh u can but u dont need to.

15)Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
` every single one of them in it.

16)Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
` indeed yes. let's not think about those moments.

17)Would you ever kiss anyone 16 and over?
` err. ?

18)Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
` errr. no way. haha.

19)Do you give out second chances too easily?
` i dunno.

20)Do you find piercings attractive?
` depends.

21)Who are your favorite people to talk to when you're down?
` chandni!

22)Who was the last person you sat next to?
` nobody.

23)Do you smile often?
` uh huh. smiling is my trademark.

24)Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
` private pools:D

25)When was the last time you cried?
` i totally can't rmb.

26)Why is your relationship status the way it is?
` cos it's just like this.

27)How long is your hair?
` not too long.

28)Who do you dislike currently?
` maybe a few.

29)If you could have something right now, what would it be?
` to recover!

30)Do you miss anything/anyone?
` yeh truckloads.

31)Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
` hahaha. it's a habit.

32)If you were being chased by an alligator, what would you do?
` scream and run for my life.

33)What song are you currently listening to?
` nothing.

34)What time did you wake up this morning?
` 1030

35)Do you have any cousins?
` yeh lotsa wonderful cousins:)

36)Can you imagine yourself living in a cardboard box?
' not exactly. but it'd be fun to try.

37)Who was the last person you talked to?
` same. shermaine. .

38)What is the WORST subject they teach at school?
` chem i guess.

39)Where do you plan on living when you grow up?
` i've no clue.

40)Ever liked someone that you didn't think you stood a chance with?
` go figure.

41)Would you ever change for a boy/girl?
` nahh. but it depends, really.

42)How do you feel about abortion?
` it isn't right.

43)Do you eat junk food everyday?
` hahaha, i cnt live a day without them.

44)Anything unexpected that happened?
` indeed. yesterday. the phone call and text! omg!

45)What do u have to get done by today?
` my 4 GP reading logs. dieeeeee

shake it a lil bit closer.

2008-11-26T22:39:00.001+08:00

hellooooo. so i haven't posted in quite some time. basically cos it was a whirlwind of a week in India. I've got so much i wanna say but it'll be hell of a long entry and i don't think i have the strength to type so much. The reason being, i'm sick! Well to start off, India was amazingly awesome. An entire week spent away was indeed what i needed. to sort things out, to take my mind off issues and maybe to have some well-deserved fun. A whole week spent with friends had to be the sex right. come on, how better can there be a better chance to go away for a while to relieve, to revive and what not. i had a great time visiting schools, sightseeing, travelling and spending time with friends back at the hotel, the resort when we were free and after lights out.

The visits to the school were great eye openers to the different world that we hardly ever see. how the kids are able to study in a classroom with no lights and fans. how they were so excited to see us and how they treated us like celebrities. Shaking hands with them just would be enough to plaster smiles on their faces and to see them jump around and go crazy. it was very touching. The visit to the orphanage was very touching also. the kids just went crazy and to see them have so much fun for just that few hours we spent with them, it was indeed heartwarming.

Sightseeing was nice and interesting. things u wouldnt have been able to see back here. the history, the amazing architecture, the culture, the classic and traditional styles. absolutely stunning.the beach, church, bronzing, sari weaving, making musical instruments, temple, planetarium, stone carvings, visiting houses and what not. it was extremely fun especially since everyone was camwhoring away. took dozens of pictures. and it will add to the collection of memories of this trip and to these two short years that have already changed and will change my life in a huge way.

And time out or lights out had to be just the best. crashing and sneaking into one another's room. staying up the whole night. just sleeping for a couple of hours at the most maybe. ordering room service. swimming. playin truth. playin cards. talking. the bus journeys where most of us would sleep or just go kinda crazy. awesome fun. i had a blast. i didnt have this much fun the last time i went to india. with the sec sch mates. hah.

and now, im having a "blast" coughing my ass off, breathing hard through the blocked nose, talking through the sore throat and hugging my pillows when the coldness suddenly kicks in. fever dude. on and off. but i love the company. haha. so now, off i go to do something less energy draining. haaha.

night ya'll!

u be my only true lover.

2008-11-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

it's been an upbeat, eventful and a fun week. but at the same time, it was awfully tiring. that's why i haven't had the time to post in a week. ive had something to occupy me every single day of the week. i'm really in absolutely no mood to type cause i ought to be getting some sleep to catch up on all the lost sleep to fun since im flying off to India on monday, that's just a day away. still, i'll type. but maybe it might be a relief that i probably won't be writing an entry of the usual length which is freaking long. so let's start with the past weekend. the saturday, sunday and monday were all spent with the family, extended yes. three solid days with intense family gatherings where we would all sit, eat, socialize and what not. awesome. that's why i love it when it comes to year ends. it's the time when there's extreme family bonding. i likeeeeee.

tuesday, wednesday, thursday was bonding mostly with the india trip groupies, especially anannndddd and muz. it was good. rehearsals and meetings are just so hilarious and fun. the three days were almost entirely burnt at school. tuesday was pool watching day. headed to parkway parade to watch the two play pool with their friends. and thursday after school plans with shermaine were awesome fun but equally stressing cos it was like the race against time. she even brought along her little cousin who was just seriously cute! haha. started off at bugis, dinner at fisherios, shoe searching mission at dozens of places which turned out disappointing cos they hardly carry sizes 9or10 for ladies! ahahah. big feet, yes i know. after which was more walking around, sending her cousin back, bbq shopping at parkway's giant. madness, we reached at 9pm and we were just rushin down the aisles. haha. she stayed over. awww. the next day, that is friday was the mad rush for the bbq. not everything turned out like expected. but i guess i kinda had fun with all of them, they might have found it boring, i dunno. but it was insanely warming to see the sec sch khakis that who i hardly get to meet, the three clowns who tortured me(hahaha but it was good) and the best friend and her gang and the lovely neighbour and the simply fantastic cousins and family. it all ended way past 1 in the morning. so thanks to all of them. im not very sure on how to describe the bbq. it was nice that the five of them(jovi, asyrathanks to all those who came anyway! pictures will be up when i get them.

and the saturday was spent at school and doing last minite shopping with shermaine at j8. i've been packin my stuffs for the past God knows how many hours. im still not done yet. think i'll continue tmr. gonna be so busy tmr. with appointments in the mrng, meeting in the afternn, packing, extremely last minute things that i might need to get and oh yes, family gathering. long day tmr. so maybe, i should go get some sleep.

for one too many reasons, im thankful for the people around me. anyway, im not sure when i'll blog next. probably when i get back from india. so till then, adios amigos and senoritas:)

i've been watching u all day.

2008-11-08T01:09:00.001+08:00

hello. it's clearly past midnight. the sleepy bug is getting to me. but i just felt like letting my fingers jab away at the keyboard. haha. it's been quite a week. filled with one too many emotions! life wasn't much nicer or kinder but it was better. past saturday's night time got very unusual with a certain few which was a even further blow to the already not too good mood. but things with a certain other(s), was nice and cosy. haha. prayers on sunday which was okay. no crazy atmosphere which was very manageable. but the day ended in disappointments since i couldnt please the other party by providing my presence. sighs.

anyway, the highlight of monday was when the dear cousin brothers who always kick me around came over. the day was filled with laughter. hahaha. rajiv and him lame-ass actions and dumb jokes that have the power to reverse ur entire mood:) they were really useful and sanjeev's stupid nonsense and extra brotherly concern always makes me happy and alot more at ease by straightening out the thoughts that run around in my mind that constantly thinks. and they were made to be my audience while i was practising my speech for my oral presentation. hahaha. damn funny.

tuesday's oral presentation wasn't so bad. it was quite ok. i just hope that i did well. and after op bonding session with the project work group for the final time was niceee. we all went to siglap to have ice cream. but the rain got a tad too heavy to walk in. so we had to take a cab from the bus stop we got off at to the ice cream parlour positioned just less than 100m away. haha. so we ate this place called ice cream chefs. it was alright, a different concept. good ice cream:) and everyone was sharing supernatural stories. hahaha! fun.

thursday was kinda like the last day of school. cause it was results day or in other words promotion day. well, i'm happy to say that i'm promoted. glad for the many other friends who got promoted. but sad at the same time for the few close ones who didnt make the cut or some of the awesome teachers who aren't gonna follow up to the second year:( it was quite an emotional day. i didnt cry whatsoever. emotional in the sense it'd be my official last day coming to college as a year1. i mean, the year just flew! i entered the school, hating where i was. hated the life of college. the hectic schedules, the impending deadlines, extreme workload and the dozens of tests ever so often. i hated every part of the system. i couldn't cope. but i learnt slowly. and the friends i made were the most important part of the year. i learnt from each and every one of them. and silently, i started liking school cause of the people. seeing those faces smiling at me every single time just kept me going. kept me working my ass off. and to think. the school year's over is just sad. next year is a whole different story. everyone will be so caught up with their a'levels that im sure things would slow down to the individual level. goodbye to all those amazing outings that took place so often. goodbye to all those skippin lectures together. goodbye to stayin and slackin in school for no apparent reason. goodbye to waiting for one another for hours. goodbye to the so many things that meant and mattered alot. i'm sure to miss all of it. and, im just hoping that i'd still be as close to the same people as before cos they mean too much to even think about drifting away from.

ok enough of the emo part. hahaha. on a lighter note, i watched quantum of solace on thursday as well, with 9 other people! hahaha. it was fun really. plus, the little actions and gestures made, got me high and happy. well i guess, they weren't meant to show but they were significant enough for me to notice:) and thereafter travelling up and down from tampines to pasir ris to tampines and back to pasir ris again was abit stupid. ahhh. haha. forget it. crashed aunt's place to pay my lil D a visit in the end. she's as adorable as ever. hahaha. seeing her put my slightly edgy mood off. and talking really does resolve issues. technically, i had this urge to clear things on the last day of school and i did. and it felt better. haha.

so today was alright except for the few in between awkward, upsetting, emo and pissed moments. i guess i might have done a few stupid things that did its job well of pissing someone off. ha. i fixed it, i think. well the day was spent in school socializing, goin to tamp mall for lunch, getting onto the wrong bus with the clowns, taking cab back to school for india meeting, actually goin for the india meeting, rushing back to tamp mall with muz, anandddd to meet niks after that, dinner at pastamania where i didnt eat anything(haha cos i hate the food there) and journey back with mr.evil:) so yes, it pays to be honest and open and to trust. but dont just trust any old how. but to selectively trust. im starting to break my fear today. in short, i'm a little less guarded. and hopefully, i can achieve my aim within the next week and work my magic the week after. haaha.

as i'm listening to a song, i realize that giving in should be done both sides. so i think i need to go ponder on that soon. need to get my act and my basis right. anyway, long weekend ahead. one full of activities. think it's advisable for me to turn in now. hahaha.

night ya'll!

tired of being sorry.

2008-11-06T22:17:00.000+08:00

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
- boy.

2. What are you doing tomorrow?
- school and then after school plans with the lovelies.

3. Who's the craziest on your top friends?
- they all are in their own ways!

5. What are you listening to?
- the typing on the keyboard.

6. Next vacation you're going to?
- india.

7. Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
- haha, yeah kinda.

8. When did you last cry?
- dunno. last week i guess.

9. Where are you going to be at 4pm tomorrow?
- india trip meeting.

10. Are you ticklish?
- hell yeah!

11. Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot?
- indeed.

12. Do you like coffee?
- hate would be the word.

13. What was the last thing you got grounded for?
- few years ago. over an issue.

14. How many kids do you plan on having?
- hhaa, i dunno!

15. Plans for tonight?
- the usual. important conversations that take place through the phone.

16. Who pissed you off today?
- not exactly pissed off today.

17. Who has seen you cry?
- not many.

18. Do you think you will be in a relationship 8 months from now?
- you tell me.

19. What is your name if you spell it without the letters "J" and "R"
- peeti. hahaha. wth,

20. Are you wearing make up?
- no, i'm not.

21. Have you had your birthday yet this year?!
- yes i haveeee.

22. Where was the last place you went?
- pasir ris.

23. What color are the walls of the room you are in now?
- some sorta beige.

24. How many letters are in your middle name?
- no middle name!

25. What's your relationship with the person you last called?
- friend.

26. Are you scared of spider?`
- nahh, not really.

28. Do you like roller coasters?
- no way.

29. If someone likes you, would you want them to tell you?
- i guess so? i dunno.

30. How late did you stay up last night?
- till 1 i think.

31. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
- uh huh.

32. Did you ever lose a friend?
- i have.

33. Is your birthday coming?
- next year that is.

34. What happened at 9:30 am today?
- i got back my results.

35. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
- today. for the fun of it:)

36. Last text from?
- i just cleared my inbox. haha

love lockdown.

2008-11-01T18:35:00.001+08:00

good evening*in dracula's tone*. hahaha. hello! it's saturday. i was supposed to have had a trippin bbq parteyyy last night. but it got called off for one reason too many. so be warned and prepared for a long post. well, the past week has been exceptionally trying, tiring and rather depressing but with occasional shots of ecstasy. last friday's retail therapy with chandni put me in better spirits.

however, a series of events was awaiting me on saturday. the wee hours of the morning were mean to me with rude replies. the morning came around with a shock. i was abruptly awoken with a phone call that shook me out of my daze. grandma on the other end of the line broke the news that my grandfather(actually my granduncle) passed away. he was the one i used to go visit in hospital. somehow he always pulled through. but surprisingly, he didnt pull through the coma. so saturday was depressing and hectic. i reached the house at like 11 in the morning. the day was all about rushin around running errands, mourning, comforting. doing this and that. before i knew it, it was already night. it was crazy. and the phone calls and the smses i received from the certain few made me smileeeeee. i went home really really late, early morning. couldnt even catch much sleep. sunday was just terrible. funeral service. cremation. sighs, sad. it was another long day that only got me abit of sleep. and monday was spent at aunt's house. cause of two deaths this year, no diwali for my family. but the day was alot more pleasant comapred to the saturday and sunday. the company i had for the entire day from the various people was good:) but by the time i slept, i had really dark circles around my eyes!

tuesday was the day i had to face the dearest friends. abit scary ah. was worried i might start tearing. haha. but it was good. after sch lunching with the sexys at kfc as a group of five became a threesome(me, ananddddd, kartick) by the time i left the place. i was freaking abused as usual. hahaha. it was fun though. i was crazy. come on, after 3 emo days. it helped. and i felt hell lot better. but things with a certain few got weird. and it all became weirder on wednesday. everything got more complicated. anger and disappointment plagued two of us. and things got better on thurs, alot better. went to watch high school musical 3 with kartickkk and the slaveeee. haha. the movie was quite dumb but entertaining at the same time. so it's okayyyyy. i had fun. lol. and the best part of thursday was that was the last time i was ever gonna do tamil! i finally got done with my tamil A's. never do i wanna touch that murderous language ever again. hahaha. wheeeee~ and thursday night was pure loveeeee. hahaha.

yesterday, it crashed abit, the mood. just a teeny weeny bit. had lunch with the same 4sexys at TM macs. it was fine except for abit of awkwardness and wat not. lol. and after that, the talkin session i had with chandni at compass starbucks was really really good. i think i practically let out every single thing. i just had to. after all, she's the only person i can tell everything to, without hiding even the tiniest of details. and it was a huge weight off the shoulder. i felt a whole world lighter. so we talked and walked around. the place getting abit boring huh. but we had a good talk:)

and now when i think about it, i've had enough of all of this. no matter how hard i try, i cnt seem to handle this situation well enough. cause im getting hit by in all directions. im being forced to choose. and this choice i cnt make. people acting weird. and they being the closet, affects me. im seriously being bombarded from all angles and truly, it sucks. honest feelings being let out. goodness! i cnt help the situation. and i've been feeling very bad of late. for the way i am. suddenly, im starting to regret more and more for being like this. for pretending. shoooot. i've screwed up big time. i've been trying intently to change. and i've been making some progress. makes me feel less guilty. but dont seem to be seeing the result from the other side of the situation. arghhh. chandni always manages to knock some sense into my head and im grateful for that. cause she understands and is downright honest. and that helps alot! really. so right now, ive decided on something. i've narrowed it down to just one main aim. and that aim, i'll be working on for the next two weeks. that's all the time i have left to make things right. to fix whatever i've screwed. so i dont wanna be affected by anything else. doubt that's possible. but it's all in trying. i'm not gonna give in just yet. i have to try and work for what i want. cause in the end, it's all up to me. no one's gonna do the job for me. i myself have to work for it. i've learnt that. and i'm gonna do it. wish me luck. lol.

im so tired. desperate for more sleep. i cnt wait for the holidays to officially begin. sighs. kinda looking forward to the india trip and the 14th of november as well. we'll see how things go. right now, i have to focus on my project work which will be over by tuesday! omg, how i can't wait! well, that's it for now. wait up.

happy halloween ya'll!

1) Who was the last person you gave up on?
~ as much as i want to, i won't. it's not the end of the world yet:)

2) Are you cheating on someone right now?
~ no! although ive been accused otherwise. hahaha. idiotic people. lol

3) Are you comfortable answering all these personal questions?
~ yeh. i think so.

4) Do you think relationships are even worth it?
~ yeah of course. in one way or another.

5) If you could pack up and move, would you?
~ i dunno.

6) Do your parents really know you?
~ erm, not exactly.

7) When was the last time you laughed really hard?
~ earlier.

8) What are you wearing right now?
~ tee and shorts.

9) What are you excited about?
~ for the holidays. for india.

10) Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
~ yeh constantly.

11) What do you want right now?
~ sleep. you. hahaha.

12) Are your parents divorced?
~ nopeee

13) What were you doing eight o'clock this morning?
~ sleeping like a log.

14) Do you fall for people easily?
~ nahh.

15) Would you ever get a tattoo?
~ nope, doubt it.

16) Who was the last person to text you?
~ chandni.

17) What's your mood?
~ exhausted. confused.

18) If you took a drug test, would you pass it?
~ yes, drug free i am.

19) Did you enjoy your weekend?
~ im trying to.

20) Do you regret doing something today?
~ nope.

21) Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
~ you tell me. cause i've been thinking of this.

22) Who is the last person you told a secret to?
~ chandni. lol

23) What's irritating you right now?
~ everything.

24) Would you ever forgive someone if they cheated on you?
~ definitely not.

26) Are you stubborn?
- kinda i guess:(

27) What is your status?
~ it really is complicated :S

28) Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
~ go figure.

u got me hooked.

2008-10-24T22:08:00.003+08:00

evening, it's friday night. and i'm at home. but i'm not complaining. i had quite a pleasurable day. i skipped school cause i would have nothing to do if i had gone. had a change of timetable. practically, i've got free days. do whatever i want. no fixed breaks. no lessons. just project work. as long i report to morning assembly, it's fine. how stupid. haha. so the day kicked off with me watchin saturday night fever. and the rest of the day was spent with the best friend, shopping. we headed down to town. ate at subway. i had my cookies:D and we went into almost every shop at plaza sing. but didnt find anything we really really liked. so we walked around town, everywhere! and went to bugis. there, we got a few things we wanted, finally! satisfaction. haha. dinner at fisherios. and we went home, draggin along those aching legs after a really long day.

so basically, it was a pretty relaxing day. spent talking, chatting, comforting and shopping. retail therapy as we call it. always has a different but positive toll on the mood. cures what we call depression. hah. the two of us really needed it. since we've both been amounted to quite a bit of stress, hers being different from mine. hers being more of a valid excuse than mine. haha. but whatever. it was awesomeeee. and the dear dear chandni actually lectured me! scolded me! over one thing. she said i'm egoistic. ouch. haha. but it was good she did what she did. she knocked some sense into the head. yes, i'm kinda egoistic, i admit. i've heard it before. many a times. but i never really did anything bout it. cause that's the way i am and i didnt see a need to change myself for anybody. but it makes a hell lotta difference when u hear it from the oldest friend who knows every single thing about you. who has seen u at ur best and at ur worst. she knows. and she told me. and now, i get it. i have to change. i must. if not, the more things i'll screw up. not with just some one person but many others as well.

and my mind has been drowning with thoughts. i've been thinking way too much. since the time i heard it all. it has died down alot compared to the wednesday. but still been thinking. and it was a relief when i let out every single thing today. and i mean every single thing. from the most happiest of all feelings to the most disappointing, the most shockin. simply, i was being honest. i was downright honest. i just had to be. and i feel a whole world lighter. and now, im just reflecting on who i am. and how come i've changed soo soo much. i dont ever remember being like this. never used to be like this. i need to do some in depth soul searching really soon. the less affected and jealous i am, the better i will be. i can remember that easily. but it'll take me time to learn that. quite some time.

tick tock tick tock tick tock.

EIGHT Lasts.
1. Last alcohol u had:
champagne.

2. Last beverage:
sprite.

3. Last phone call received:
shel

4. Last text message:
chandni

5. Last song played:
uptown girl

6. Last icecream:
hot fudge sundae

7. Last time you cried:
two days ago. hah

8. Last meal:
fish and chips.

TEN Have You’s.

1. Have you ever dated someone ur bestfriend likes?
no way, i'd never ever do something like that!

2. Have you ever been cheated on?
not really.

3. Have you ever bought condoms?
haha. nope.

4. Is there one person who can make youfeel better no matter what?
yep definitely

5. Do you find yourself crushing onsomeone currently?
go figure.

6. Have you ever lost someone?
yep.

7. Have you ever been depressed?
yesssss! haha.

8. Do you smile at strangers?
yeh i do when i feel like it.

9. Have you been hugged by someone of the opposite sex recently?
yeaaaa. yesterday.

10. Have you done something u regret?
again, yeh. yesterday :(

RANDOM:

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
uh huh.

2. what is your pet's name?
no pet yet.

3. How many people have you kissed in 2008?
i don't count. hahaha.

4. Were you happy when you woke up today?
no way.

5. What is a fact about the last person who texted you?
she got a small haircut.

6. Do you hate the last person you kissed?
nooo.

7. What are you listening to right now??
lovestoned

8. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
yesssss

9. What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
nothing!

10. Last night you felt...?
full of regret

11. Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?
annanndd, suresh, chandni, shel, muz, isabell

12. Ever been kissed in a car?
no

13. You're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
im either pissed or in deep thoughts and i need some quiet and alone to reflect.

14. Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
nope.

15. Last time you laughed?
just now.

16. Do you regret anything from your past?
yesterday is the past. last week is the past. yes.

17. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
i wouldn't mind. but i'm morally well brought up. hah.

18. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
nahh,

19. Last argument?
evening ytd. bout how i couldnt even say five words.

20. Plans for saturday?
shopping!

21. Excited for anything?
yep. many things.

22. Last time you were confused?
now. always.

23. Do you like to cuddle?
yeh

24. Do you hate when people smoke around you?
yeaaaa. can't stand the smell. hah

25. Who was the last girl you talked to?
chandni

26. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
chandni. :)

27. Do you have any plans for today?
the day's almost over. but i had a great time. shoppin with dini.

29. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
neverrr.

30. Do you plan on moving out next?
nahh

31. Are you 18?
not yet.

32. Does the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?
yesssss.

33. Whats the closest thing to you thats liquid?
nothing!

34. What did you do last night, with who?
rotting at home. i was bubblin in the evening, foursome =]

35. Is there anyone in your life who has a great impact on it?
yes absolutely. there is. affects me. great deal.

How much would you weigh if you lost 10 pounds?
* very much lighter! hah

When is the last time you were annoyed?
* like right now.

What are the 10 names dominating your inbox?
* annaanndddd, chandni, shel, muz, suresh, isabell. that's all.

If there were a band named after your hair color and your pet's name:
* black nothing? hahaha

What if your best friend had a sex change?
* she'd become a good lookin guy. hahahaha!

Are any of your close friends musicians?
* nope but a few them play the instruments.

Have you ever made out with someone while other people were in the room?
* erm, uh huh.
Does it annoy you when you message someone and they don't reply back?
* yes when im expecting a reply. like right now.

If a movie were named after your zodiac sign and the last thing you ate:
* virgo chocolate? lol!

What is your opinion on being friends with benefits?
* not something i'd do.

Do you have the same color hair as either one of your parents?
* yep i do.

Have ever been extremely jealous but never told anyone?
* yessssssss. but it came out today. haha.

What if your best friend told you they were pregnant/got someone pregnant?
* no way, that would never happen! haha.

Who's pic did you last comment on?
* can't rmb.

Who was the last person who told you that you were hot?
* obvious much but go figure:D

Have you ever been pressured to do drugs by friends?
* nope.

Do you laugh at things most people don't find funny?
* yes! hahaha.

Is there anyone you've kissed but you're too embarrassed to admit it?
* nahh.

Have you ever left an item of clothing at someone else's house?
* yep i have.

Is there always drama when your family has a reunion?
* it has its highlights.

Has a friend's ex ever flirted with you?
* uh huh.

Have you ever taken more than 10 surveys in a day?
* nooo.
What time will you wake up in the morning?
* usually it's at 6 if im being driven to sch. if not, it'd be around 5

Would it be awkward if your ex, your boyfriend and you were in the same room?
* hahaha. it will be awkward indeed. but it also is the expected scenario next week. just that the boyfriend isn't exactly a boyfriend. hah

Do you have a certain criteria for making friends?
* anything goes. there's a reason why they will be known as friends

Has anyone ever kissed you on the shoulder?
* hah. skip.

Who is the last person that asked you for your number?
* schoolmate.

Is is a turn off if someone is extremely flirty?
* maybe. what a great choice of person to answer this! hah.

What is the funniest movie you've seen lately?
* nothing so funny i can recall.

i'm off! goodbye world:)

join me in the middle of ecstasy.

2008-10-21T21:24:00.001+08:00

the previous time, i remember whining about how i missed sec school, the people there actually. the friends. and the weekend rocked all the more cause of the company i had on sunday! shel came over to use the com for pw. and as soon as she got done, rushed outta home to meet some of the sec sch sexys at city hall. as usual, i was late. ran up to starbucks to see yu hao, jovi and pretiv. awwww. haha. jovi's hair cute la. emooooo. just like always, i was being bullied and disturbed by the three of them. and we just sat there talkin, crapping and sippin on drinks. they even helped me plan some parts of 31st oct. ooo. haha. fun. and finally, dear dear jacintha johnson came. hahaa and we walked around. went to marina sq for dinner. and we decided to pay asyraf the buddy a visit at his workplace. so off to clarke quay we went. walked like fools looking for his hidden tcc. went on this huge exploration and found the place at last! went in, sat down. staring the clown down working. he didn even look at us so he didnt even know we were there till his colleague told him. and he made the drinks we ordered. hahaha. amazing! i had to rush home so i left earlier. came home close to 10. and that night was simply awesome. goodness, we actaully just talked the entire time away. extremely fun catchin up sessions. more of this soon would be fanatastic. haha

and the past two days have been pretty screwed up at school. just the lessons part. the pw lessons are a pain in the ass. and also, the tamil lessons where i got kicked out. ha. bloody pathetic. but we've only been having these two subjects. school's been ending earlier. but i've got way too many plans and appointments after that. and the social aspect has been good, really. very comforting when the energy is being directed from the selected few. got me smiling from ear to ear. haha.

but at the same time, i really can't help but feel confused, bad and helpless. no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to please everyone. and it shouldn't be that way. i shouldn't even be trying to please every tom, dick and harry. it never should have been that way. i don't owe anyone satisfaction with myself or whatever i do. yet i try. very hard. in the end, i disappoint and feel lousy. although that's not expected of me, i don't stop. the friends understand. they dun mind whatever i choose to do. but everytime i make a choice, a decision, i disappoint someone. cos the situation's such. im expected to choose. to decide. between people whom matter alot. eventually, everyone realizes i'm being torn apart by friends who mean so so much to me! and it all points back to me. whether i can do something to fix things or not. ahh! i've got too much on my mind to unload. another time maybe. for now, i just have to remember that i dun owe satisfaction to anyone. neither do i need to do something i dun wish to. i jus have to justify my actions, decisions, choices.

feast it.

What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
go out with the lovelies

Is your phone a flip, slide or neither?
slide baby slide.

Do you like Mexican food?
not really.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
maybe. ha!

Do you watch a lot of tv?
hardly

Have you ever sneak out of your house?
nopeee

What are you doing this coming weekend?
no plans as of yet

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
indiaaaa.

Everything happens for a reason?
or so i believe.

Do you live with both of your parents?
yepp

Do you think too much or too little?
way tooooo much.

Where were you doing at midnightt??
i was on the phoneeee.

What happened at 10:00 am today?
having boring ol' pw.

Who were you with last night at around 9:00pm?
i wasn't with anyone. was on the phoneee. haha

How many hours did you sleep last night?
4 pathetic hours!

What song is playing?
none at the moment.

What is the highlight of next week?
the party on friday night baby! =]

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
uh huh

What’s the number one thing you want in life right now?
for people to understand and spare me confusion

Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust?
yeaaaaa.

How many texts are in your inbox?
222

When did your last hug take place?
at schoooool.

Who was the last person you talked to?
chandni:)

Who do you hate?
i dont hate. i dislike.

Do you like anyone?
go figureeeee

Made any promises lately?
yeh. i have

Name one person on your top friends who is the most like you?
erm, none actually. we're all different in many ways.

Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
sometimes. haha

When was the last time you smiled?
just now. over the phone.

Does anyone like you as more than a friend?
go figure babe.

What makes you laugh till you cry?
the hilarious jokes made by theeee awesome friends.

What is something you really want right now?
many things actually.

What are you going to do tonight?
work on my presentation and make love with my phone. hahaha.

How many TRUE friends do you have?
many i guess?

What is the last thing you put in your mouth?
milkshake! yummy.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
i stayed up till 0130. talkin on the phone and working on presentation

What does ur oldest text say?
something about india and me. haha :)

What is your ring tone?
elevator!

When is the next time you will hug someone?
ha. i dunno! i aint no fortune-teller!

Are you wearing anything on your feet right now?
a friendship band around my ankle, that's it.

Who was the last person you insulted?
hahahaha! anaaaannnddd

i've been watchin u all day.

2008-10-18T23:43:00.001+08:00

i was just reading my past posts. those that i wrote during sec school days. and i have to say that i really miss those times badly. how i had amazing friends who were always there no matter what. if i couldnt turn to one person, i could always turn to another. i was just recallin all that happened during the entire 4years. so many things! it all ranged from being FAT to a useless councillor(hahaha!) to debating and public speaking to staying back for no apparent reason to staying in e4 all the way to skippin classes to gettin caught to running to being not single to flings to usual friday lunchings at hougang point to the extreme sundae craze to be having so many different groups of friends to gettin into so much of trouble for hardly goin home straight to walkin home and whatever. hahaha. omg. uh-oh. dirty little secrets i never revealed have been exposed. i can just keep goin on till the end of the world. but just these few things describe how fabulous my sec sch life was. yes we all had those little sucky moments where u think the whole world is crashing down on u. but i guess we just got over all of that with much help involved! it's nice when u think about it. there were regrets initially but with each moment spent there and each friend made came a valuable lesson(im sure) that was meant to be taught. i was taught to open up, to enjoy, to not be affected by people around me no matter how much a strong position they hold or importance they carry in my life. basically, sec school was tremendous fun. when i think bout it now, it was just so easy to get through life and every problem i faced seem so trivial all of a sudden.

i guess it's all with the growing age. as the numbers increase, the mind widens. the maturity increases. thinking broadens. we all might think it should get easier as u grow older. since we're wiser and more mature, we'd expect to understand and realize things easily. to be able to overcome problems, challenges without much difficulty. but i say otherwise. it definitely isn't easier. since the mind, the thinking all broadens with age, so does the perspectives. in short, we have broader perspectives. we think in more directions than before. so how does it become easier for us when previously, one possible reason for a certain happening multiplies and becomes four possible reason in the current context.

it's true really. look at me now. im so different. i think. comparing myself to a year ago, i wasn't like this. one thing was for sure, i never let anything affect me. no matter how bad, i'll get through the day with smiles. it never really bothered who hated me. cos as long the dearest and the closest people were still there, it didn matter. i was less sensitive as well. nowadays, i get so annoyed although the tolerance has improved. but yes, the temper and patience has gotten worse. and definitely, i was alot stronger. not physically(im alot more fitter now), but emotionally. now, the slightest thing can just make my day a living hell. and the fact, it's been repeatedly happening, makes getting through the day and the week all the more harder. i havent been the same. i hardly smile so often. or even laugh. only the sexy groupie can do that. but at the same time, they can also be the reason as to why im as such. maybe its cause i've become so so close to them. never had i been so close to any group of friends before. seriously. maybe that's why every tiny action affects me. but at the same time, im grateful for them.

so right now, i'm desperately hoping that things will get better. perhaps go back to where they were before. the week has sucked. really sucked. one of the worst weeks ever. i need things to get better. the atmosphere and enviroment to improve. to be less messy. so that hopefully, i can work my magic. i needa make up for what i've done. i've been feeling so guilty. ahhh! and i can't keep this up. can't act anymore. can't act that im not affected and that i dont care. cause it's starting to show. everything is gettin more obvious. i can;t hide. it's breaking me down slowly. i'll have to face it. and lastly before i go, i'm sorry. you.

i say he sweet.

2008-10-16T16:50:00.002+08:00

Q)If you married the person you last texted ?
* hahaha! jackpot! nahh.

Q)What did you do today?
* schooled. sulked. talked. texted.

Q)What is one fact about the last person who called you?
* a sociable dude.

Q)How old were you when you lost your first tooth?
* erm, probably 7?

Q)Last time you were on the phone?
* just only.

Q)What's for dinner?
*nothing. going out to eat.

Q)Ever been to the Statue of Liberty?
* nope but i'd like to go.

Q)How many e-mail addresses do you have?
* oneeeee

Q)Last time you washed your hair?
* ytd.

Q)Do you like Oreos?
* not a big fan. ha

Q)Can you ice skate?
* i haven't tried. i can skate though

Q)Do you have a brother?
* yep

Q)Do you know how to change a diaper?
* haha. nooo.

Q)Do you keep a planner?
* yep. it's constantly updated:)

Q)What kind of mood are you in?
* bad. miserable. lousy.

Q)Do you take out the trash?
* nope.

Q)What's the best part about being single?
* the more people u get to hang around with! ;p

Q)Do you watch "The Hills"?
* once or twice.

Q)What are you thinking about right now?
* recalling the events that are bothering me and about fixing all these shit.

Q)Wearing any bracelets?
* nope. my wrists are bare.

Q)What are you doing now?
* nothing actually. just sent out a text. might get some sleep before i meet dini.

Q)Who was the last person that helped you stop crying ?
* i had to stop myself. cause i didn show.

Q)If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
* i'm fine with the name.

Q)Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
* if it's worth, perhaps?

Q)Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
* hahaha! yes!

Q)Are you afraid of falling in love?
* it happens. but i dunno the answer to this question.

Q)Lastly?
* i need to let it all out!

1.The way to win your heart?
/ some humour and sincerity

2.What did you do last night?
/ on the phone for hours. thinking.

3.Do you have the same name as one ofyour relatives?
/ nope.

4.Are you looking for aboyfriend/girlfriend?
/ nahh.

5.One song that's meaningful to you?
/ none i can think of.

6.Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
/ don't eat spaghetti! ha

7.Do you drink milk straight from thecarton?
/ yeh i do. lol. used to.

8.How long is your hair?
/ manageable length?

9.Do you like Batman?
/ i've got nothing against him.

10.Who was the last person who told youthey loved you?
/ schoolmate.

11.Addicted to anything?
/ my phone? hahaha.

12.Do you like anyone now?
/ go figure.

13.When was the last time you sang outloud?
/ can't rmb.

14.What did you have for breakfast?
/ don't usually eat breakfast.

15.Is your birthday on a holiday?
/ birthday's over. not on a holiday.

16.Can you cook?
/ haha.no!

17.Did you have a nap today?
/ i'm about to.

18.What was the reason you got introuble last time?
/ few days ago?

19.What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
/ jeansssssss

20.When is your birthday?
/ 14th september

21.Do you swear a lot?
/ ha. when i need to.

22.Where did you get the shirt(s)you're wearing?
/ sports sale.

23.Do you have any regrets?
/ yesssa. of late!

24.What was your first alcoholic drink?
/ champagne.

25.What color are your favorite shoes?
/ black?

26.Who would you like to see right now?
/ a few people.

27.Are you a social or antisocialperson?
/ social baby

28.Have the cops ever come by yourhouse?
/ yeh. ahaha,

29.Ever been in love?
/ yaya

30.Ever had braces?
/ nooo

31.Who was the first person to reallybreak your heart?
/ none so traumatizing.

32.What do you wear to bed?
/ shorts and tee

33.Who was your first best friend andare you still friends with them?
/ chandni from nursery and still remains the same to date!

34.Who was the last person todisappoint you?
/ quite a few people. and myself.

35.Do you trust people?
/ it's slowly wearing off.

36.Who was the first person you talkedto today?
/ anand

37.Who was the first person to text youtoday?
/ anand

38.What was the first thing you didthis morning?
/ switched the alarm off! ha

you got it.

2008-10-15T23:07:00.001+08:00

im finally back after being missing in action for what, extremely insane 10days? i clearly remember updating last on one sunday. so let's take it from there. the past week was awesome, was having fun full swing. it was so bloody amazing. but at the same time, it's sad that after ur series of good events, the bitter ones would eventually catch up with u. keep running and trying to avoid it will just hit u harder in the face and snap u back into cruel reality. into the selfish world. and that's exactly what happened. i guess the saying is right huh. that all good things come to an end. basically, the past week has been indeed eventful. with shermaine poppin by last monday for a nice long chat. bubbling after sch with the groupie on thursday, lunchings at t.mart and india trip with the same lovelies on friday, pw meeting on sat afternn and bonding with shel at city hall on sat evening were all great.

however so, the highlight of the past week had to be wednesday! i skipped school. anand crashed pp and then my place after his dental and "shopping". haha. killed 3hours doin stupid things to wait for the other 4 to turn up after school. they all came at 4. so the sexy six hit the gym and dunked one another into the pool thereafter. hahaha. hilarious shit! everyone was constantly being dunked. pool fight! goodness! haha. and finally, jacuzzi time was absolutely enjoyable as well. haha. pizza for dinner and everyone left at different times. in short, it was a rather amazing day that everyone enjoyed completely. awesome fun it was. just thinking bout the day in general or recalling the tiniest of all details can just bring a huge smile across thy's face. haha. even at this moment. so that was the exciting week.

it was niks bday on saturday and we celebrated it for her on monday. monday was really nice also. totally fantastic. went to t.mart to buy cake with the two gays. time just flies when u're having fun. but just one word changed the entire setting. and that one word came from my mouth. i just had to say it! aiyo. lucky for me, minimal audience there was. kiddin i was, messing around as usual. but i guess, at that point of time, the topic of conversation was a serious one. so in summary, i screwed it up. and the after actions got me engrossed in deep thoughts. was lectured by three different friends on that night. scary. hah. feelin bad, i wanted to make it up. but i wasn't really given a chance to. of course i wasnt, after what i said! but yet, hoping i was. ytd was just freaky throughout. little did i know bout what was goin through the minds of the few most closest before. but me being mean caused a major cave-in. and now i know every single thing, i think. feelings were revealed. emotions ran high last night. and me being the thinker i am, couldnt fall asleep. my sleep was so disturbed such that my eyes are tearing and freakin droopy at this instant.

i feel so useless and miserable and bad for what i did. i had no f-ing idea about all these till ytd. never did i know i carried such an impact. i mean, yeh. but not so much. so much to the extent i've hurt people unintentionally. but now. i guess it's too late. i so desperately wanna try fix things but i kinda know that it'd be really tough. and it is all the more tougher when it involves the people u're closest to. yet i am trying hard. sometimes, it's fun at the beginning but as u push deeper through the forest that awaits u, it gets harder and harder to find your way out. in other words, it always starts off fine. but as u move deeper into something, u get so emotinally attached or whatsoever, it's harder to find ur way out. not only that, it makes it harder when all these while, u've just been allowing urself to be spun into a tangled web and when it becomes a mess, u suddenly seem stuck. unable to take a step forward and move along. neither is it easy to take a step back and try to return things to how they originally were. it's fun to be sarcastic to the people around u to hear some laughter and all. but when it is constant sarcasm that never seems to go away, i guess it becomes hurting and offensive. let's all learn to be nicer and to express ur true emotions. if not, it'll be too late to regret. then, it also goes back to trust. especially trust regarding family. hurts. and again, the oldest friend is the one listening to everything i have to say. motivating me to fix things. hopin that i'll make it. thanks babe. and just like how the song goes, what doesn't kill u can only make u stronger. and yes, stronger i will be. to face all of these!

anyway, today i had to just get outta school. cause i was predicting things would be gettin weirder! but it wasnt so bad by the end of the day. but i just had to escape for a breather. i managed to get pretiv free today. met him at hougang point. and indren came. haha. i was bullied, disturbed and insulted as usual. and they looked through my phone, embarassing man! ahhh! haha. although i was being very quiet, i felt hell lot better. it actually felt relieving. phew! home sweet home was the next destination after that! my eyes are giving up on me. so it's better to conclude this long post. i can never seem to type short entries. haha.

i've screwed up big time, i know. let me make it up. but hopefully, conditions will be easier to work in. let this week pass please! ahhh! i won;t be able to handle it much longer. i'm breaking it down slowly. resist i shall. well, i brought this upon myself. just shoot me.

off to force myself to catch some sleep! to do some reflecting and some thinking. to have my senses awoken once again.

goodnight world

i close my eyes and hope that this is just imagination.

2008-10-05T01:59:00.002+08:00

the insanity is a record high these days. but the mood, atmosphere and the week changed for the better from tuesday as compared to the very bad days i was having for four consecutive that begin last friday. in short, the week was spent socializing. after school time on monday was spent with chandni at pasir ris, talkin. it was sort of a little rescue from the very bad days i was experiencing. the much awaited tuesday came and flew by with chandni crashin my place in the evening and with me texting the night away. at least, i got what i wanted that day. that look. haha. that's when the better days started kickin in. and i have to say, it felt awesome. especially, after 4 freakin days that was a struggle to get through. and wednesday being a holiday passed by in somewhat a similar way except the evening was spent at the temple with the usual clan and phone calls and texts that followed. niceeeeee. the mood was a hell lot better by the time i went to bed. i couldnt ask for a better day keepin in view the recent events. however, thurs entered a whole new dimension. it was just amazing. and i was so grateful.

thurs was just major bonding with the people of the usual sixies. haha. after school was spent bubblin with 4 of them. and everyone got so high that we got into a water fight where we just went wild with us abusing one another, splashin and throwing things at one another, laughin our bloody asses off and even fallin off our chairs unintentionally. madness. to admit, i hadn't laughed so much in such a long time. it's been ages since i laughed that much. indeed lucky i am to have such friends. it drove home the fact further that these friendships are those few and rare ones that ought to be treasured. honestly, i've never ever in my life been so close to any group of friends before.

friday was nicely strange. same old routine. lunchings with the group at tamp mall. india trip meeting. 6 weeks more to take off baby! ha. after school bonding was good as usual. and my friday night was left untoched after the meeting plans with the lovelys got cancelled. but it got fun and sweet in a different way. heh. and today was just fun. day started off with project work meeting at tamp int mac with davin, bell and royston. after that was best friend bonding with muz at the arcade while waitin for ananddddddd. arcade was fun! hahaha. supposedly, i trashed him. haha! was with the two of them for a while and then i met chandni and we practically travelled up and down the east. late lunch with her at tamp mall burger king. after which was her ear-piercing session at pasir ris. she actually did it, without crying! wheeeee. haha. and then to bedok for jeans shoppin. cravings for subway cookies landed us back at tampines again. ha.
the evening begin with me droppin by at my aunt's place at pasir ris. basically to pay my lilD a visit. she's so cute. didnt want me to leave and was huggin my knees. hahaha. awwwwww. cute stuff. and then, class gathering at the condo just opposite the house. isabell's house. barbeque. class bonding with dozens of majic tricks and lame games that made the night quite exciting. and those drinks with a tinge of 'alcohol'. hahaha. funny stuff! and the maiden reached her home at 1130. wow. quite a huge deal. so, next up is the"class" chalet. hahahaa.

that's the indeed sociable week i had. tonnes of fun. and i'm glad for all the company, the friends, the family. but every single time my nice days come about, they're somehow limited and soon the week gets jinxed. but i hope not this time around. want it to be goin great:) and things are hell lot easier to handle when they're people constantly around you. cause u won't be distracted with the usual disturbing thoughts that do no help but just confuse the already very confused mind further. plus, little differences made show me a clearer picture. it all only works with talkin, i agree. haha.

ok, here goes nothin!

What time is it?
A: 0208.

What time did you sleep?
A: last night? past 2 as well i think..

What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
A: me being late for project work meeting!

What did you do last night?
A: i was on the phone;p.

What is the most important part of your life?
A: family.friends.education..

What would you rather be doing right now?
A: no clue. .

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
A: the people around me. .

What are you worried about?
A: a few things. .

What are you looking forward to most in this week?
A: outings!.

NINE HAVE YOU’S
Have you ever had your heart broken?
A: yeayea.

Have you ever been out of the country?
A: duhhh.Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?

A: yes, i guess. hahaha.Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
A: hell yeah .

Have you ever had the cops called on you?
A: noooo. .

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
A: nope. and never would. .

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
A: yesssssa.

EIGHT WHO’S
Who was the last person you saw?
A: classmates. .

Who was the last person you kissed?
A: nobody.

Who was the last person you texted?
A: muz.

Who was the last person to call you?
A: muz.

Who did you last hug?
A: aunty and cuzzie.

Who is celebrating his/her birthday today?
A: nobody that i know of. .

When did you last see your mom?
A: like 2 hours ago?.

When was your last time you saw your dad?
A: same.

When did you last go to the movies and with who?
A: last week. with the groupie(shelly, muz, karthk, nik, ananddddd).

When did you last listen to music?
A: right now. .

SIX WHERE’S
Where does your best friend live?
A: hougang. and the other's at bendemeer.

Where did you last go?
A: isabell's place.

Where do you go to school?
A: tpj.

Where is your favorite place to be?
A: many many places. .

Do you like someone right now?
A: go figure.

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
A: nah.

Do you know the muffin man?
A: yeaaaaa. hahaha!.

Does the future scare you?
A: a little. .

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
A: no idea. should ask them. .

Why are you doing this survey?
A: for no reason.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
A: read minds!.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
A: my phone!?.

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
A: nope. .

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
A: hahah. i guess so. .

ONE LAST QUESTION
Are you happy with your life right now?
A: pretty:D

2008-09-28T16:14:00.002+08:00

hello. the sunday has indeed been mundane. i've got just 2words to describe the past 3days. insane. depressing. thursday was another almost perfect day in addition to the amazingly awesome wednesday i had. but friday just wasn't. like how i always say TGIF every friday, i didnt the past one. it was crazy really! i had to make a choice. but the choice i made for various reasons couldn't please everyone. and i feel terrible bout it.

on a brighter note, i went for f1on friday night with my brudda. i was hoping that by the end of the night, my friday would have a good closure and be headed in a better direction compared at how things were going. so i had a great time at f1. amazing seats i had. at the padandg. met muz and his friend. they came to find me:) Zouk came to the padang. how cool. was walkin up and down zouk. but couldnt really do anything. after everything ended, i was feeling alot better. came home past 12mn. and that's when the day took for a toll again. my night didnt end till like 3 in the morning. and this time, everything plunged heights. the shock, the confusion, the hurt would have been enough to cause my head to explode. disturbed sleep. my day started again at 8in the morning with a intense phone call with shel that made me feel alot better=] things just got heated and crazier in the afternoon. i couldn't take it such that i ran off to chandni's house for refuge. to talk to her. to release everything that had been bottled up. the night didn get any better. except for the two hour call with shel:D today as well.

friends. one simple word that holds a meaning like no other. a relationship between two souls that ought to be respected and treasured. especially so, when both parties have known one another for quite some time and are termed as close or good friends. it's these friendships that will be engraved into ur heart and hold u through the rest of ur life. and along with these friendhsips, come rules and contracts that are expected to be known and the norm set. as one enters every friendship, they unknowingly are agreeing to the terms and conditions in which the very first says, one shouldn't do anything to hurt his/her friend. it is expected of both parties to know what he/she should do in a friendship or what he/she shouldn't do. for example, u ought to stand up and be there for ur friend in the worst of times, u ought to tell ur friend if he/she might have done something wrong and it's expected of u to carry ur friend's secrets to the grave. and regarding what u're not supposed to do would be things like backstabbing, bitchin, and doin morally unacceptable things that i can't seem to type out today at this point in time. it's damn sad to see all these happening between the closest friends i've got and i feel so helpless cause i'm affected as well. the last time something similar to this happened was when i was in sec3. but that's not even close to this.
the events of the weekend that begin on friday got me stuck in the middle. i'm wanted at both ends of the battle. how do i choose? i didn't and i can't. my mind has been bombarded with thoughts. i'm so lost and confused. save me from this misery please.

and a word of thanks to everyone who has been there to hear me out and cheer me up. these people are worried for me, i know. but it's just too much to handle. for now, i can't wait for school tmr. i just wanna see how we all face one another. ha. and i gave up my f1 seat ytd cause i wasn;t in the mood to go. and today, my cousin really wants to go. i dunno how to disappoint him cause he's the closest cousin i've got. so i couldn't say no although i hoped by watchin the race tonight would have been a great help to my mood. gave my pass to him. i'll just sit home.

anw, let's put a fullstop to this post. off to watch some tv.

caught in a wreck of a mess.

2008-09-24T23:04:00.005+08:00

it's been some time. i've been way too lazy to come here and type the craziest happenings. i've been just so busy enjoyin myself. haha. well, it's been an amazing one week since my last post. one filled with intense ups and downs. freaky! out of the 7days, i spent about 3 freakin' days "emo-ing". goodness! thinking bout it all, i dunno whether to smile or to just cry. haha. lets' start off this long post(warning) with school and the results. post exam activities were over and done with last week and thanks to that, im so many tones darker! haha. lessons resumed on monday. i've a new timetable. was thinking my days would be shorter and less packed. but instead, i've got one or two longer days and weird arrangement of subjects. anyway, some of my results are out. and i think im pretty safe. according to my calculations, i can get promoted. so a huge relief, really!

now, let's talk about the week. most of the time was spent with the same people. shelly, anand, muz, niks, krthik. the amazing thing is that in this group, there are exactly 3girls and 3guys. so 3pairs bascially. haha. so the week, i just need to describe the events. too irresistable . ha. last thursday was lunch with a few of them at mac. after which, shelly and i went back to school to support muz and anandddd for their soccer match. after which, the four of us went for dinner. some sorta double date? hahaha. funny la.

friday was just bullshit. i was freakin pissed the entire day. no thanks to someone. somehow, the anger just carried forward ro saturday and sunday. let's not talk bout that. friday was spent watchin bangkok dangerous with for of them which was good. haha. i was so upset that the outing to town with shermaine on saturday night just cheered me up immensely! thanks sista, for the awesome time out at town. came home way past 10. ate at fisherios, now i learnt of another nice place to eat at. haha. and shopping was fanata-bulous as well. bought two tops baby! wheeeeeee. satisfied i am.

monday was spent bonding with the usual mates and so was tues at int mac. and today was by far, the sex. hahaha. after school, the 6 of us headed down to e!hub which is next to downtown east. supposed triple date. hahaha was my first time ever going there. not too bad actually. as soon as we got there, we went for a movie, Babylon AD. and little did i know, it was couple seating till i got there. hahaa. so the usual formation. and a violent rampage went on during the movie. hahahaha. hilarious!:) after which was dinner at downtown east's kfc. nice. and then, home sweet home. hopefully, my next two days turn out well. plus, my weekend's gonna be rockin for sure!

and now time for some serious unloading. as much as things seem to being goin just fine, other stuff have also been occuring. not so positive stuff. firstly, it upsets me hell when my friends are disappointed with their grades and results. when they're so shit freakin scared if they can get promoted or not. seeing friends in such a state, sucks big time. cause all these while, everyone has been there for one another. and still are. but it gets tough to keep up with the morale boosting when they are losing faith at rapid speed. plus, this year's batch is just awesome. i so do not want anyone left behind. can't we all just move on together. why all these exams, competitions and criteria. after all, one way or another, most of us wanna reach the same destination. so what's the point in so much competition when oppurtunities can be provided to everyone! all these shit just weaken people. i've been through it. i'm sure everyone has. so why not, do away with all these and shift to a different style where everyone enjoys what they are studyin and what not.

secondly, family. friends. acquaintances. these people do have an impact on our lives to some extent. i havent got any problem with the first group of people. but the next two, yes. what annoys and pisses me is when the people whom u term as friends do not talk to u anymore for no apparent reason, so it seems to me. cause they just stop talkin, smiling and acknowledgin whenever they see u without giving a proper reason as to why they are acting like that. suddenly to them, im somewhat invisible to them. if not that, i just get tortured with constant EXTREME sarcasm and rudeness that i personally think i don't deserve. and acquaintances bitchin behind ur back, acting like they know every damned thing but in actual fact, know nuts bout me. yet they shoot their words around. ha. amusin, ain't it. sheeeeesh.

next, being the person i am. i tend to think a lot. so two things have been on my mind. one, trust. two, seriousness. trust. we people have the all the power and right to choose who we want to trust. and u can't blame anyone but yourself if the trust u've put in someone else has been betrayed. when this happens, u ought to learn from it and be cautious from then on. but what happens in the end? u forgive. and u trust all over again. u bring it upon urself again. and history repeats itself. the same ol' vicious cycle. over and over again. so let's all be a little stringent in whom we pin our trust onto right from the beginning. and about seriousness. the same question keeps replaying in my mind. i dunno how to take words seriously when they come out in a joking tone. for all i might know, there was a serious note behind it. but i just dun wanna fall for it and get decieved in the end. so, position the words well.

guess that's enough ranting for a night. off i go, to maybe catch some sleep. night ya'll!
and finally, some pictures.

the mind's in disturbia.

2008-09-17T21:59:00.001+08:00

booya. it's wed night. chandni just left after poppin by for a visit. she was just in time cause she came by shortly after i came home from ica with my brudda. anyway, i had fun with chandni. just met her last monday. and within two days, tonnes of events took place and we just needed to fill each other in. in other words, to just sit and talk. and it turned out goooooood as usual:) we even went to pp mac. and she did her usual random phone calls to whoever she sees under my contacts. haha. madness.

anyway, i finally turned seventeen last sunday. and all the wishes i received from simply so many people and the lunch with the family were just enough to keep me smiling the entire day. at exactly 12mn, shermaine called. immediately after which there was a 5-way phone call. shelvy called, nikita, kartik and then muz. hahaa. awww, i felt so loved. they all stayed up to wish me! so i've got a list of people i wanna thank. and it only feels right to mention all their names. but it's really too much to type out. so just wanna say thank you all!

my exams officially ended monday. ain't that just awesome. i can so totally catch up on my sleep, go out, be on the phone, pretty much do everything without worryin bout another chapter or subject to get through. so i had a blast the past two days to celebrate the end of exams with a bang! not only that, but belated bday celebrations with the people i love:)

so basically after sch on monday, shel, niki, me and kartik went to white sands for a change. we sat at kfc and just went extremely crazy for bout 3hours! it was freakin hilarious with the jokes, the chattin, the teasin and the outbursts of "awww, so cute!". after which, shel and i went down to bugis. shopped. woohoo. had our hot fudge sundaes as usual. it has become a tradition i've started even in college. hahaha. and at around 6+, i left to meet chandni at town! she brought me to somerset. went to starbucks. sat down. talked, drank our frappes. and she gave me a pressie and a long love letter. hahaha. awwwww, thanks babe! had a great time catchin up with her, now that we hardly ever meet. came home close to 9pm baby! im just freakin enjoyin my post-exam period la. conference call with muz, shelvy, anand started at 10.30 and ended at 11.30. which was again a mixture of two-ways, three-ways and four-ways. fun fun. and they all ditched me after that.

yesterday was just fantastic. i've never had such a surprise in my life before. and for that reason, my 17th is indeed memorable. so shel being the mastermind already booked me last week for ytd. so she wanted to bring me out, have some quality bonding and just to have fun as my lil birthday celebration. told me to meet her at city hall at 1+. so i did. she brought me to marina sq. dragged me into swensens. aiyo. bought me my cookie summit. was about to dig in when there was this thundering sound of dashin footsteps and before i could even look up, i was just hugged and jerked from behind. and i saw anand, muz, niks, karthik. goodness! it was a freaking surprise! i was shaking, literally! i was extremely shocked/surprised/speechless for quite some time.omg. thinking of it makes me smile. hahaha and the entire day we spent in pairs. and practically everything was paid for me. aiyo. so after swensens ice cream, we went to play pool. so 3pairs against one another. it was really fun. anand taught me to play. in short, my pool career ended with ytd. hahahaha. after that, all wanted to watch a movie. but, niks forgot her i/c so we couldnt prove that she was already 16. so we ended up watchin wall-e. it was pair seating again. ahhaha. but it was funny cause in the entire movie, all 6of us only grasped two words- WallE and Eva. hahahaha. stupid movie but awesome time.

and they all treated me to dinner at cafe cartel after that. goodness. i felt so bad but very touched at the same time. and it was just splendid. we were sitting there for bout 2hours plus. which was till like 930! time just freakin flew. seriously. and the long walk back to city hall mrt was just the perfect closure to the day or rather evening. it was really sweeeeeeeeet. awwwwww:) indeed happy i am. and i came home at like 1030pm! longest i ever stayed out with a GROUP of friends. ive gone out later but with just one or two friends and thats the maximum it has ever gone. ytd was just amamzing, really. i enjoyed every single minute of it. so i also learnt that the night and morning before the surprise, they were all plannin it. thats why they ditched me to be on a seperate conference to discuss this matter. hahaha. love them all! :D

i slept at 3 in the morning for one too many reasons. one of it cause i was just reminiscing the events of the day, each tiniest detail. how they all spent their entire tuesday with me. was too excited and happy to even fall asleep before that. haha. ahhhhhhh, it feels really nice. i'm glad i've made this awesome lot of friends within such a short period of time:) to sum it up, ive been havin a magnificent post exam partyin! haha.

finally, on a much random note, comes the topic of words! words hold a tremendous amount of meaning. words that convey expressions and feelings. and just one simple word can make hell of a difference. a huge difference that gets one thinkin hard, gets one confused and may very well just make his/her day also. the word addition when u say hi to me as compared to my friend gives it away. it shows a lot! and it's niceeee. so thank u:) but at times, those very same words don't hold much of a positive value. okay, before i type out an essay on words. i'll just stop here.
bye all.

one step at a time.